Kcbell92

I just feel bc of the reasons I mentioned, that this friend now is absolutely not wanting to spend time, and what happened as I mentioned with the cancellation 3 hours before and how they said they would talk to my family member at a certain time the next day and they didn’t answer and texted me back later apologizing and calling me the next day to talk, bc it’s easier to talk when they don’t have to talk to my Family member bc they didn’t want to go, and didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to go and are afraid. So I think there all connected in proof they don’t want to go and don’t want to tell me they don’t want to go, and I see major similarities to my friend from the past as I mentioned him bailing out and then sometimes getting back to me and letting me talk about things and bailing out

I really need help handling this in my mind and not focusing there absolutely gonna do to me what the other friend did and that the similarities and connections are there to all I said they said and did after the plans were cancelled to that they’ll do exactly what the other friend did. Please help!! @snowbear @PolarBear

Well I had plans with someone I talk to but haven’t seen In a couple years, we planned on a restaurant hangout Saturday and they called me like 3 hours before and they sounded very upset and said the friend that was supposed to drive them was coughing and sneezing and didn’t tell them Right away bc they kept a commitment, and the friend who called me said they yelled at them and they kept apologizing, and they said they’ll look to reschedule maybe like May 12. And I asked if I could call them the next day around 11 am for them to say hey to my family member that was gonna go with me. I tried calling and they didn’t answer me at the time but texted me later that there sorry they didn’t respond. But they called me the next day to talk and mention about the replanned day and to chat, and we’ve spoken a little the last couple days. Now I’m focusing that they didn’t want to go and made up the story that the friend was sick and that they made up the conversation and maybe they also didn’t want my family member to go, and that they are only talking to me nicely sometimes and keeping in touch and mentioning another replanning day because they didn’t want to tell me they didn’t want to do anything with me and they were afraid to tell me, so they just acted as if they want to see me and do things with me and talk nice to me, and continue to just last minute cancel on me with excuses each time. the reason I’m saying that is because I’ve had a couple people affect me, and one in particular who I’ve mentioned here before, who after the first few months I was friendly with them. Constantly telling me they wanted to do things, letting me uptalk the planned events and then suddenly constantly either cancelling on me last minute with excuses, or showing up 3-5 hours late or not showing up at all. Then after me and my family used to reach out to him, he’ll eventually answer and seem interested in doing things again and then talk to me about other things and then when the time came cancel with excuses or Come 3-5 hours late or not show up at all and repeat repeat again and again. i also think that on top of thinking the friend now cancelled last minute and made up the story and that it’s true bc they avoided calling me when they said they would the next day to talk to the family member and Just answered me later and said they overslept and that they called me the next day to talk about other things too and answer me about other things too, but don’t want to see me at all and don’t want to tell me bc there afraid to tell me. Now I think on top of that they won’t reschedule a day despite saying they’ll look to take off the day and that they may say they have to do it later in the month and that they won’t want to do it at all, or maybe even that they’ll reschedule and talk about the fun of the day and let me talk about it, just in order to not tell me they don’t want to go bc there afraid and they’ll discuss other things then cancel with excuses each time and repeat the cycle like that old friend did dozens of times

@howard I appreciate your direction with what your saying. I’ve always struggled with trying to hold onto friends, even those who downgraded me bc I felt obligated to be there for them. But with a friend like the one I mentioned, he did have seizures until like age 9, I met him when he was like 11. We used to spend a lot of time and go places and do things and talk more often until like 2020. But, again. He does reach out for small talk. I think he has kinda a hard time expressing or explaining things bc of his issues. But most importantly I feel he’s doing this to affect me like the other two did

I guess I’ll have to just spend time with other people who I know and may be closer to, but my biggest issue wasn’t about enforcing the friend to spend more time or spending time with others. I explained my worries

Can I please get another response on this?

How should I train my mind on this @PolarBear In regards to like the friend I just mentioned that doesn’t talk to me like he used to but still sometimes reaches out and every few months May invite me somewhere, but takes days sometimes to reach back to me, even just for small talk. How should I train my mind to stop fixating and focusing and absolutely determining that he doesn’t want to deal with me and is going to cut me off soon bc he spends less time with me and talks to me less then he did like 6-10 years ago. And most importantly to stop drawing conclusions and connections that he isn’t talking or doing as much as he used to do with me bc he is going to do what the other two from my past did and said all others would do

Well some of my friends have there own mental issues in certain ways. But regardless of that, for example let’s say a friend I have known for 20 years now. We used to be closer really up until like Covid time. We still talk now a little, just not as often as we did. They may reach out to text me like once every few days or so to have small conversation for a few min, And they may make plans once every 3-4 months or longer compared to once every couple weeks from like let’s say 2015. But more to the point, because they reach out once a week for small text talk let’s say, rather then like multiple times a week and only invite me somewhere like an average of like once every 4-5 months, i keep thinking that friend is going to do to me what the other two people from my past did, and how the people in my past after telling me I’m a terrible person and can’t handle myself around others and can’t do the right thing in conversation and don’t improve and don’t listen and how everyone else is going to do to me what they did and what they did was not getting back to me as often then suddenly saying they’ll get back to me and let me know about plans and not answer me and then brag about being with others so whenever someone i may still sometimes talk to now, just not as often, and obviously not see as often as the past, doesn’t talk to me or see me as often. I immediately think there trying to affect me like the others from my past did because I’m drawing comparisons to the others Attacking me about my failures with handling myself around others and not improving and then them just not answering me as much and saying they’ll let me know about planned things and not getting back to me and then showing off hanging with others right after.

Anything of note to say?

I am trying to adjust like I said before to living life alone and not being invited too often to places with friends and not talking or associating with people as I used to. I just feel like not that people im friendly with now don’t care about me or won’t be there for me it I needed it but we don’t spend time like we used to and they still do a lot with others I know and not as much with me. And I always think because I had a couple people mentally affect me in regards to getting in my mind that I’m a bad person with a bad mindset and I don’t improve, and everyone would do to me what they do. so when these friends ive known a long time now don’t come through as much, not that they don’t still talk to me and not that they don’t still here and there invite me somewhere. Just not like they used to, I think there trying to hurt me like the others did, when I go sometimes a couple months or more without a planned thing. I need some advice in regards to like accepting the worst case that I won’t see the friends much and that they won’t come through for me at all, so I can still do things even if it’s mainly alone and still enjoy, being I live alone here with just a couple family members around otherwise. This highly affects me and I constantly think that these friends now are doing to me what the people in the past did, in the same ways for the same reasons as the people in the past said to me

If the Mets would win more often, i would be motivated to work. I wouldn’t hate my life and wouldn’t lose interest in wanting to go places

I feel I cannot separate from the Mets and I cannot handle myself. I just have no desire to enjoy my life and go places

I’m trying to stop watching but I feel I cannot, despite the torture of this ******* TEAM!!!!!!! This is disgusting and disgraceful and the Mets are such a torture to my life! They are ruining my life as they always have and now this is worse then before bc there’s different ownership and front office and they still suck!!! I have no other interests

I just feel there’s nothing else out there to Interest me. There’s nothing else I can do for fun, but watch the Mets. And if they don’t win. I absolutely have no reason to work and succeed in life. No reason to better my daily life, no reason to go anywhere fun, even outside of baseball games

As many of you may have seen previously saw, I have a hard time when my favorite baseball team in America the New York Mets losses. I go crazy. I tell people I just wish I could die in my sleep, bc I can’t handle them losing year after year of disappointments and I get so severely depressed I lose motivation to succeed in life and I just clam up into a ball and accept I’m worthless and then I think about all the comments people gave me in the past on how the Mets suck and so does my life bc they suck and people now saying things to me and I’m comparing the two. The Mets are 0-5. And blew 3 straight games and I get extreme anxiety and depression. I can’t take this **** anymore!!!!

I’ve been distracting my mind and when I get the urges, turning to other things

Thanks for your support @howard

I am avoiding feeling it to focus on whether it feels longer in the cracked middle area and accepting its there, and knowing feeling it over and over again will just make it worse for me, thinking into all these reasons it’s worse or that it feels different now then before or thinking it feels different and convincing myself it’s worse. I’m best off just stopping feeling it in total

Yes that’s a good way to handle it. Start with a small term or thing in my life that makes me laugh then focus on the next thing that’s positive for me. It is going to be extremely difficult to stop feeling because like I said when I start feeling it let’s say like 10 am, I feel it has that little separation on the middle of the crack obviously. Then I go to feel it at like around 12 pm, and it feels a little more separated then 10 am. But then I feel at 12:30, and it feels different like a different angle and I keep feeling it and it feels after a while like it’s not as much separation as before, but then I feel again and it feels more separation then the last time and then I think because I felt more separation earlier then less later and more again and then different angles that there is more space between the two sides of the crack

I am trying to stop myself, but now I’m feeling it today and I feel like there’s a little more space in between that cracked middle bottom area and it’s affecting me and thinking it’s worsening, and I’m wondering if it’s bc of my tongue or otherwise but it still doesn’t hurt or feel any worse when I bite down. So I’m wondering if it is worse or if it’s me thinking it’s worse and trying to feel it to make sure it isn’t worse

I just want to understand a way to be able to redirect my mind away from that and accept that i probably won’t feel satisfied feeling it to make sure it isn’t larger, bc I’ll always feel it in different angles and I’ll always feel it and not remember exactly how it felt days ago and not be sure if it’s worse now. And it doesn’t hurt and I’ve had it since 2018

I tend to sometimes focus on like my issue with my tooth. And I keep trying to feel the bottom of that tiny crack to feel if it’s any larger and trying to focus if it is larger and if I can remember if it is larger then it was and trying to feel it but when I feel it with the tongue, it keeps feeling different often and I never feel satisfied bc of all of that and more that my crack isn’t larger

@PolarBear I told myself “ok i had bitten a small popcorn kernel in the area, maybe the bottom part of the small crack did get a little longer. But in that case, again just deal with it as it is, it isn’t much worse if it is at all. Probably very tiny bit worse at most, if it doesn’t hurt, it’s fine for now and I’ll just take care of the issue in time with a dentist” how’s that sound?

The last part is what I’m responding to. For instance I realize a lot of this is ocd responses, again yes a dentist is something I’m planning to do soon bc it’s good to go anyway. But I had popcorn and I bit into a small kernel in the area by the cracked teeth, suddenly I started focusing I had to feel the top and bottom of the cracked area, just to make sure it isn’t larger and I was trying to feel if the bottom area got any larger and couldn’t figure it out if it was. Again no pain and if it is larger it isn’t much at all but my mind kept focusing I need to feel the bottom part especially to feel if it’s larger and I just realized I’ll never be satisfied with feeling the bottom of the crack bc I’ll always want to feel it to feel if it’s not larger and keep feeling it, and it won’t stop bc it’s a cycle bc they’ll always and something with it I’ll find or think which makes it larger

I’m sorry to hear that. My Mother passed away 6 years ago and even the few years before that was very mentally unstable and suicidal minded form bipolar. I don’t do much and often like I said the friends I used to see occasionally or have some moments with, they do here and there spend time but it’s so few and far between and they spend most of there time with others and I guess it’s also bc I’m focusing on it and the past and making it worse then it is but I am trying to figure out how can I make my life more enjoyable alone? Can I take trips and make events alone, and still enjoy?