Kcbell92

@howard I appreciate your direction with what your saying. I’ve always struggled with trying to hold onto friends, even those who downgraded me bc I felt obligated to be there for them. But with a friend like the one I mentioned, he did have seizures until like age 9, I met him when he was like 11. We used to spend a lot of time and go places and do things and talk more often until like 2020. But, again. He does reach out for small talk. I think he has kinda a hard time expressing or explaining things bc of his issues. But most importantly I feel he’s doing this to affect me like  the other two did 

I guess I’ll have to just spend time with other people who I know and may be closer to, but my biggest issue wasn’t about enforcing the friend to spend more time or spending time with others. I explained my worries 

Can I please get another response on this? 

How should I train my mind on this @PolarBear In regards to like the friend I just mentioned that doesn’t talk to me like he used to but still sometimes reaches out and every few months May invite me somewhere, but takes days sometimes to reach back to me, even just for small talk. How should I train my mind to stop fixating and focusing and absolutely determining that he doesn’t want to deal with me and is going to cut me off soon bc he spends less time with me and talks to me less then he did like 6-10 years ago. And most importantly to stop drawing conclusions and connections that he isn’t talking or doing as much as he used to do with me bc he is going to do what the other two from my past did and said all others would  do 

Well some of my friends have there own mental issues in certain ways. But regardless of that, for example let’s say a friend I have known for 20 years now. We used to be closer really up until like Covid time. We still talk now a little, just not as often as we did. They may reach out to text me like once every few days or so to have small conversation for a few min, And they may make plans once every 3-4 months or longer compared to once every couple weeks from like let’s say 2015. But more to the point, because they reach out once a week for small text talk let’s say, rather then like multiple times a week and only invite me somewhere like an average of like once every 4-5 months,
 

i keep thinking that friend is going to do to me what the other two people from my past did, and how the people in my past after telling me I’m a terrible person and can’t handle myself around others and can’t do the right thing in conversation and don’t improve and don’t listen and how everyone else is going to do to me what they did and what they did was not getting back to me as often then suddenly saying they’ll get back to me and let me know about plans and not answer me and then brag about being with others

so whenever someone i may still sometimes talk to now, just not as often, and obviously not see as often as the past, doesn’t talk to me or see me as often. I immediately think there trying to affect me like the others from my past did because I’m drawing comparisons to the others Attacking me about my failures with handling myself around others and not improving and then them just not answering me as much and saying they’ll let me know about planned things and not getting back to me and then showing off hanging with others right after. 

Anything of note to say? 

I am trying to adjust like I said before to living life alone and not being invited too often to places with friends and not talking or associating with people as I used to. I just feel like not that people im friendly with now don’t care about me or won’t be there for me it I needed it but we don’t spend time like we used to and they still do a lot with others I know and not as much with me.
 

And I always think because I had a couple people mentally affect me in regards to getting in my mind that I’m a bad person with a bad mindset and I don’t improve, and everyone would do to me what they do. so when these friends ive known a long time now don’t come through as much, not that they don’t still talk to me and not that they don’t still here and there invite me somewhere. Just not like they used to, I think there trying to hurt me like the others did, when I go sometimes a couple months or more without a planned thing.

I need some advice in regards to like accepting the worst case that I won’t see the friends much and that they won’t come through for me at all, so I can still do things even if it’s mainly alone and still enjoy, being I live alone here with just a couple family members around otherwise.

This highly affects me and I constantly think that these friends now are doing to me what the people in the past did, in the same ways for the same reasons as the people in the past said to me 

If the Mets would win more often, i would be motivated to work. I wouldn’t hate my life and wouldn’t lose interest in wanting to go places 

I feel I cannot separate from the Mets and I cannot handle myself. I just have no desire to enjoy my life and go places

I’m trying to stop watching but I feel I cannot, despite the torture of this ******* TEAM!!!!!!! This is disgusting and disgraceful and the Mets are such a torture to my life! They are ruining my life as they always have and now this is worse then before bc there’s different ownership and front office and they still suck!!! I have no other interests 

I just feel there’s nothing else out there to Interest me. There’s nothing else I can do for fun, but watch the Mets. And if they don’t win. I absolutely have no reason to work and succeed in life. No reason to better my daily life, no reason to go anywhere fun, even outside of baseball games 

As many of you may have seen previously saw, I have a hard time when my favorite baseball team in America the New York Mets losses. I go crazy. I tell people I just wish I could die in my sleep, bc I can’t handle them losing year after year of disappointments and I get so severely depressed I lose motivation to succeed in life and I just clam up into a ball and accept I’m worthless and then I think about all the comments people gave me in the past on how the Mets suck and so does my life bc they suck and people now saying things to me and I’m comparing the two. The Mets are 0-5. And blew 3 straight games and I get extreme anxiety and depression. I can’t take this **** anymore!!!!

I’ve been distracting my mind and when I get the urges, turning to other things 

Thanks for your support @howard

23 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You don't need to explain in detail your checking. It's irrelevant to us. We know you're checking. Way too much. It needs to stop.

I am avoiding feeling it to focus on whether it feels longer in the cracked middle area and accepting its there, and knowing feeling it over and over again will just make it worse for me, thinking into all these reasons it’s worse or that it feels different now then before or thinking it feels different and convincing myself it’s worse. I’m best off just stopping feeling it in total 

33 minutes ago, howard said:

Whenever you feel yourself going to check by biting or running your tongue over that tooth, distract yourself and stop yourself doing it. Say a silly word that reminds you, like 'banana' and then focus your thinking elsewhere.

 

Yes that’s a good way to handle it. Start with a small term or thing in my life that makes me laugh then focus on the next thing that’s positive for me. 

34 minutes ago, howard said:

It's going to be difficult, you've spent some of the last six years reinforcing your concern about your tooth. If you can stop your

It is going to be extremely difficult to stop feeling because like I said when I start feeling it let’s say like 10 am, I feel it has that little separation on the middle of the crack obviously. Then I go to feel it at like around 12 pm, and it feels a little more separated then 10 am. But then I feel at 12:30, and it feels different like a different angle and I keep feeling it and it feels after a while like it’s not as much separation as before, but then I feel again and it feels more separation then the last time and then I think because I felt more separation earlier then less later and more again and then different angles that there is more space between the two sides of the crack 

I am trying to stop myself, but now I’m feeling it today and I feel like there’s a little more space in between that cracked middle bottom area and it’s affecting me and thinking it’s worsening, and I’m wondering if it’s bc of my tongue or otherwise but it still doesn’t hurt or feel any worse when I bite down. So I’m wondering if it is worse or if it’s me thinking it’s worse and trying to feel it to make sure it isn’t worse 

I just want to understand a way to be able to redirect my mind away from that and accept that i probably won’t feel satisfied feeling it to make sure it isn’t larger, bc I’ll always feel it in different angles and I’ll always feel it and not remember exactly how it felt days ago and not be sure if it’s worse now. And it doesn’t hurt and I’ve had it since 2018

I tend to sometimes focus on like my issue with my tooth. And I keep trying to feel the bottom of that tiny crack to feel if it’s any larger and trying to focus if it is larger and if I can remember if it is larger then it was  and trying to feel it but when I feel it with the tongue, it keeps feeling different often and I never feel satisfied bc of all of that and more that my crack isn’t larger 

@PolarBear I told myself “ok i had bitten a small popcorn kernel in the area, maybe the bottom part of the small crack did get a little longer. But in that case, again just deal with it as it is, it isn’t much worse if it is at all. Probably very tiny bit worse at most, if it doesn’t hurt, it’s fine for now and I’ll just take care of the issue in time with a dentist” how’s that sound?

2 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Again, could there be a problem with KCBell's tooth? Sure. This isn't a dentistry forum. It's an OCD forum. If KCBell wants help with a tooth, go see a dentist. Here we deal with OCD. There is clearly OCD going on here because KCBell is completely fixated on this situation to the detriment of living.

The last part is what I’m responding to. For instance I realize a lot of this is ocd responses, again yes a dentist is something I’m planning to do soon bc it’s good to go anyway. But I had popcorn and I bit into a small kernel in the area by the cracked teeth, suddenly I started focusing I had to feel the top and bottom of the cracked area, just to make sure it isn’t larger and I was trying to feel if the bottom area got any larger and couldn’t figure it out if it was. Again no pain and if it is larger it isn’t much at all but my mind kept focusing I need to feel the bottom part especially to feel if it’s larger and I just realized I’ll never be satisfied with feeling the bottom of the crack bc I’ll always want to feel it to feel if it’s not larger and keep feeling it, and it won’t stop bc it’s a cycle bc they’ll always and something with it I’ll find or think which makes it larger 

On 24/03/2024 at 09:22, Cub said:

Hi KCBell

 

I know exactly what you mean. My Mum died of cancer ten years ago when my OCD was very bad and I was living in a city where I felt very lonely and often my OCD was my only companion. This was very, very hard. I'm better now, but I find little things like cross-stitch, going for walks, helps a lot. See what things you can do. It does get better, I promise. See what you might be interested in but don't be hard on yourself. It can be hard to enjoy yourself with OCD, but start by getting fresh air, and seeing what's out there. 

 

C x

I’m sorry to hear that. My Mother passed away 6 years ago and even the few years before that was very mentally unstable and suicidal minded form bipolar. I don’t do much and often like I said the friends I used to see occasionally or have some moments with, they do here and there spend time but it’s so few and far between and they spend most of there time with others and I guess it’s also bc I’m focusing on it and the past and making it worse then it is but I am trying to figure out how can I make my life more enjoyable alone? Can I take trips and make events alone, and still enjoy?

51 minutes ago, Garfield said:

So you've not enjoyed life since 2018 due to these issues.  If you can put these issues to the back of your mind you might be able to enjoy life.  If it doesn't hurt and hasn't got worse in 6 years then that's a sign it is a minor issue.

That’s a good way of looking at it, I have had good moments and enjoyed things I did in 2018-2023. Despite any other issues I’ve been through and the tooth issues too

34 minutes ago, howard said:

But of course the more you think about it, the more you reinforce those neural pathways.........so hard as it is, stop thinking about it; distraction or absorbtion in something else.

So basically your saying that last sentence as the way to handle letting go of the focusing biting down to feel how it is and using the distractions to solely focus on, so I can feel I can enjoy my life, am I correct?

Because a lot of that feeling of the out of place feeling I am starting to think is me fixating and focusing heavily on it suddenly.  And that’s why I’m noticing it and that’s why I continue to focus on when I bite down and If I don’t feel that out of place feeling. I continue to try to bite down to make sure I don’t feel it. And then I keep doing it and if I feel it again, the process repeats. Now what’s affecting me is that I feel in my mind I have to feel it and know that out of place and misaligned feeling when I bite down is either not there, or no different then before. And bc I feel I have to keep doing that to understand the out of place feeling when I bite down, between having this minor tooth issue and wanting to feel it when biting down. I feel I can’t enjoy my life and where I go and what I do bc of it. My question is regarding how do I go about enjoying my life and what I do and where I go that’s fun regardless of the issue and the feelings in my own mind bc of it as I just stated. @PolarBear @snowbear