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Everything posted by Phil10

  1. You are correct they are not selling there houses and throwing stuff away. But in my head I can tell myself if I touched the toilet with my feet and walked round the house I am ok but if it was a toilet brush and plunger I fear it like dirty laundry. I mean logically people maybe touch toilet brushes quite often or brush them possibility they do go into the toilet water. The plunger has touched toilet water but what scares me is it touched toilet paper and I fear that’s where the germs are. I mean at the end of the day it’s highly unlikely I touched the brush or plunger but like the front door and many other similar issues the ocd focuses on it. It won’t let go of it, it goes through the consequences and how the floor will be ruined. My house feels ruined. But a few months back I worried toilet water came in my shower and people reassured me it never and eventually I let go of it. I mean let me ask you would you worry about a toilet brush? If you touched it would you worry about spreading of germs? Another example would be if I was to get a new toilet this would be exactly the anxiety becuase the bowl would come down the stairs and potentially contaminate. My head still says the toilet brush is worse and it sort of makes it seem like radiation or something awful like the dirty laundry issue. It makes the germs more important or like I can’t handle those germs. It’s hard to describe how I feel but when I get these black and white thoughts it’s very hard to get into my brain that it’s ok?
  2. Yes I said all along the only way I can recover is to neutralise the worry about the germs and not believe they are harmful. For me dirty laundry, toilet germs and such are like radiation to me. The consequences are I don’t use stuff, I sell it and think it’s forever dirty. Sometimes I forget these worries sometimes I don’t. It’s random. Im unable to change my thinking pattern even ocd cleaning doesn’t solve my issues I simply believe something is ruined. And once my mind forgets the germs it moves onto my existance and free will. There is no escape from my ocd. You can’t tell me a toilet brush is clean? It can’t be rubbed all over the house. I mean like I say the chances of me hitting the brush may be low but my anxiety will go with the worst case that I did. It’s always the worst case scenario with ocd.
  3. Nope I wouldn’t given up anything but. I would say no closer to finding a solution. I mentioned how if life is preplanned it can carry some blame so no matter what I do I’m meant to suffer. I don’t want to go down that route I would prefer to believe I can change how I feel and control my ocd better. But right now I feel stuck.
  4. That is true but then my ocd says everything in my life is preplanned and I have no control so basically it’s a never ending cycle. Contamination is very real to me stuff seems ruined I have these thoughts pop up stuff feels weird and dirty basically you say it’s not true but in my mind is is very true
  5. Yes but what if something really did need thrown away would nobody tell me? It’s easy to say don’t post don’t sell anything don’t replace if it was that easy then I wouldn’t worry but if I don’t post the risk is I really could move house again if there is no help available as I wasn’t on here when I last moved
  6. My ocd says sell the house all the uncertainty is driving me mad toilet germs could spoil the house
  7. Yes but I believe the house could be dirty and I may have to sell the house and move like before. The ocd makes me want to do that due to the risk of toilet brush germs.
  8. Perhaps it’s my head playing tricks again becuase I mentioned that it may be unlikely I could reach the toilet brush but my head goes with the fact it did. My head wants the house to become so dirty I move house again. So basically yes do you think it’s more ocd lies?
  9. Today I have been tormented becuase I had a thought I touched the toilet brush and I carried on and did the dusting and never let it beat me. Tonight I worried my socks hit the toilet brush I Duno how I mean I have a toilet paper holder close by so maybe by feet hit that but worried my whole house is dirty I mean I thought why go for a shower I have already walked over the floor so again atleast I never showered but I have been tormented by these thoughts the toilet brush is my biggest fear at the moment. Also if I did hit the toilet brush I would have had to have pushed my foot right under the sink so I would have had to do something unnatural
  10. Well I would agree with you that it is fantasty but since I moved house last March I have bought into these strange ideas. Im almost a different person because with my ocd whatever I google or think i believe. I some how have to become free of my thoughts and some how separate them from my thinking to see them as ocd? But right now I can’t so that and I have been battling a year looking for a solution but can’t find one.
  11. Months later I am still annoyed about this ex footballer not coming I fear I may never get over it. I had this amazing idea and played it out in my head and in the end I cancelled it. I also wanted a saxophonist at the wedding and that’s not happened. I just feel so annoyed that I never got the ex footballer. I am now considering doing it for a special birthday in another ten years.
  12. Yes the solipsism issue worried me for around six months but it has since moved onto free will. I can’t let go of the idea someone isn’t controlling me like a puppet on a string. I almost want to take the blame off me and blame something and not take responsibility for how I feel. If someone else controls me then that’s a good reason for my suffering. And yes I have been free of these worries for a month however the thoughts linger back a bit like a snake creeping up on me and they come back..
  13. Added to those worries I am also battling with new shoes I bought worrying they are dirty and also the wedding shirts. I am going to try and wear them but it’s not easy.
  14. I would say I am in the same place as before I googled
  15. Well people seem to swing with the fact we do have free will which is good news becuase if there was firm evidence of no free will that wouldn’t be good. My biggest fear is our enjoyment in life is just an experience like a movie or video game and any interaction is false or preplanned so we are emotionless robots. I guess if that’s the case why does anybody bother to get up and go to work? There is the argument that our judgment is based on our environment and upbringing and that’s how we make choices I hope this is true. Somebody up there making me a puppet on a string would be awful. I google reincarnation a lot so I do believe in this and like it mentioned how you pick your next life again I believe that so I wonder if that’s true how much free will we have. These theories can be put up there with the flat earth ones they lack proof. But if the earth was flat again it would be awful and we would all have been lied to. That’s my fear that everything is a lie but I have said before there’s is so many conspiracy theories out there that they can’t all be true . But having these thoughts is awful again if there false you spend a lot of time worrying over them just like health anxiety and similar ocd themes. So much worry for nothing?
  16. I have spent hours googling free will again and can’t sleep. I know people say don’t do it but I have done it. I fear that life is just an experience like a movie and you have no control perhaps it’s an easy excuse to blame my ocd? I often look at my time when I was in hospital and worry I will end up back there. I also tell myself if I was preprogrammed or a robot or if solipsism was true why would I spend all day worrying over it surely I would be programmed to not know this stuff?
  17. Lately this has been my issue has anybody else got issues checking? For example checking door was locked, worried iron was left on so much so i was ready to cancel a day out and go back, worrying the toilet is not flushed, worry taps are not off or the gas. Anyone been able to recover from this I am finding it very time consuming..
  18. I moved house in 2015 to my first house then worried about my job, then had a breakdown and since moved house twice and now getting married. Years ago I failed a driving test and needed diazepam. I realise when it comes to big events I struggle to cope. I sort of hope there isn’t too many more I may not cope having a family or anything like that.
  19. So I can get to a point where I think the shoes are infact clean after having these initial thoughts?
  20. I don’t mean to post in same topic but I’ve had some of the thoughts the original poster has had so thought it was relevant to post.
  21. Yes that’s true. I mean I wouldn’t rule it out but when I was going through my worst occasionally I would have thoughts similar to this before I got on the right meds however some of the thoughts like solipsism and these strange ideas of free will have come after the bipolar was treated. So I wonder if it’s the ocd playing on it. After the bipolar episode I went through spells with little or no ocd or anxiety. When I moved house last year my anxiety and ocd went sky high and never settled my ocd went from mild to severe. It was over the past year I googled all these ideas about life and had these false thoughts about contamination. So if you ask me why I’m like this I believe it was “life stress” like moving house. Perhaps this has left a long term affect on me and maybe why the ocd and thoughts are so strong?
  22. Yes today I had more thought that toilet water went on me and my jeans were ruined and I believed these thoughts but eventually had to let go of the thoughts. My shoe worry well I had this worry about my work shoes and it never went away until I got a new pair when they were worn out. My fear is every time I wear a shoe I worry it’s dirty? I mean I guess the idea is not to replace the shoe but the problem is the thoughts can come and you can never feel the shoes are clean? I’m guessing there is no magic solution for this?
  23. Yes I worry my thoughts are controlled and I have no free will?
  24. Also the one thing that freaks me out is you can’t tell what your next thought would be and at one point I told my theripst I believed somebody was funnelling thoughts into my head or I would not take responsibility for my ocd as I believed I had no control over it..
  25. I’m the opposite because I’m glad I know these ideas exist just incase one day you find out and are disappointed. I mean do we ever know the true meaning of life or if solipsism is true? I’m not so sure we ever find out. I do often worry about my life being preplanned and a lack of free will or feeling a robot thats the worst bit for me right now.
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