SB21

ERP is hard unfortunately, the exhaustion and stress you go through to put things right is awful. I sympathise totally with where you are atm. Keep positive as the more you practise the more accepting you become - I know it doesn't feel like that atm. Also be kind to yourself - an important lesson my therapist taught me when I was in your position. Take one day at a time. Have time for yourself where ERP is not the focus of every event and don't feel guilty for not getting everything sorted straight away. I only started making progress once I stopped recording my ERP activities as they became less of a focus in my life (Hope this makes sense). Remember why you are doing all this work. The rewards truly are worth the hard work. Stay positive you can do this x

Great attitude to have, well done. Stay strong and be proud of your achievements x

I find distractions work best if you're with someone. Do you have a supportive friend/family member who could help? A coffee and a chat works wonders or doing a project together that stretches your brain a little. Recognising ways to support our close ones with their issues helps us to rationalise our own situations. If your anxiety is really troublesome atm maybe a chat with your doctor or therapist would be beneficial. The doc can subscribe meds, if they haven't already, to help calm your anxiety while tackling your ERP. Hope this helps.

Hi Skullpops This is just another form of an intrusive thought. You end up spending your life searching for the answers to prove/disprove the diagnosis, even when you know deep down that OCD is at the centre of it all. The problem is the more you search for the answers the stronger you make the doubt! There is always that glimmer of evidence that will contradict what all the professionals are saying. Even though I had talked for years with my friends about my OCD, the minute it was confirmed doubt created chaos. I spent months reading through the night and getting second opinion after second opinion to the point I made myself very ill. No one can convince/reassure you but you. In the end I had to gain prospective on my whole life in general, try to sit with the thought and not encourage in (e.g. not researching or asking others or doubting/believing) I had to become 'me' again not the person with all the issues. I worked hard on compulsions using my ERP and began to get stronger. I still have days of doubt over it but now I'm stronger and more rational they are easier to deal with. It's hard work and a long road. Only you can put the effort in to control the thought until you have the strength to rationalise it. Don't expect things to change overnight and work hard at not seeking reassurance, it will get easier. Hard I know but essential to win the battle. Good luck, stay strong and you will succeed x

My first therapist said: You've managed a successful career and a masters degree, why would you need help with this? Although things got better the comment caused huge doubt/rumination and I almost didn't go back the following week.

Hi Rucker I'm sorry to hear you're finding things difficult atm. I would advise you share how you are feeling with your GP and ask for a referral for counselling etc. This will hopefully help support your recovery and give you some reassurance/diagnosis. As for SSRIs I can only give you my opinion based on my journey so far. I think I am one of the lucky ones. I was prescribed a SSRI approx 10wks ago now and the first one I've tried seems to be working. It did take 5wks for even the slightest change to occur and I did have to have my meds increased to support progress. The side effects were awful at times and I can understand why people give up, bit the result is a calmer me, my thoughts are a lot slower and I find I can now concentrate on things better as my brain isn't as busy. I didn't have depression but my mood has been enhanced giving me the strength and motivation to continue my ERP with amazing results. I would say the meds dont cure the issues but they work as stabilisers and mood enhancers to help you get through the day and think positively about things. They haven't removed my intrusive thoughts or stopped my compulsions but atm they help me cope. It's still early days and I may need another increase but I've certainly seen huge benefits. However please remember not everyone is this lucky. I was reluctant to take meds in the beginning and unfortunately it got to the point that I ran out of options, bit I wish I'd trusted my GP earlier as I'd be further down my path to recovery. Only you can make the decision about what's right for you. Good luck with your recovery, hope this has helped.

This is perfectly natural, small steps are easier to maintain than huge jumps. The trick is to accept the thoughts as OCD, remember all the exciting experience you have had and then fight for more! Stay determined and focussed, you've already done the hard work - don't give in, you can do this.

Have you tried meditation before bed it helps to relax and prepare you for sleep. Also peaceful music and a chapter of a book together, help me to block out the thoughts enough that when I finish the chapter I go to sleep much more easily. Last resort get up for 20mins and do something to distract the thoughts then try again. Hope it helps. Stay positive and don't get frustrated with it as that's when things escalate.

That's excellent news, well done. You have made huge progress over the last few months. It's great you have a new motivation for life and your family, they will be crucial in your recovery. SSRIs are amazing things if/when they begin to work adding that little confidence to out lives but don't let it take the achievement away from you. You have done this and should celebrate it loudly for all to hear! Well done a huge achievement, stay strong, good luck with the rest of your journey to recovery x

It's easily done. CBT makes you think more closely. I spent hours trying to rationalise thoughts and compulsions. Sometimes you just have to accept they'll make sense eventually or it turns into endless rumination.

Hi HDC Don't get too bogged down with the ones you can't explain. Your therapist will hopefully help you to understand this over the coming weeks. Often once you stop the compulsion linked to it, everything starts to make sense. Its a hard and difficult road to recovery at times but stick with it. Your hard work will eventually pay off. Good luck, hope you find your answers x

Not a great start to your day Chelsie, well done for not rechecking. Try to focus on the positives from the last few days, it will help keep you focused. I hope you can identify that you're making great progress, not always easy to see for ourselves. Stay positive x

Hi Highlight I find that the higher up my hierarchy the compulsion is that I am trying to stop the worse the anxiety. Is there any way you can break it down further? E.g. I reduced hand washing by one each week rather than stopping straight away as it made me very ill. I also used timings to simplify other compulsions e.g. only doing for a set time or waiting a set time. I also had compulsions I could do when in company but not when alone to begin with etc. Although it takes longer to reach your targets it does make the anxiety a little more bearable. I can't advise on your meds other than to say they work differently for different people, if you feel they are not working for you I would suggest seeing your GP. Maybe they can be increased or an alternative tried. Hope this helps. Good luck with your recovery.

Great news Chelsie, it's good to see you're making progress, keep up the hard work. Enjoy tomorrow night x

That's great news, a good night's sleep always makes things seem a little more manageable. I'm ok, it's only day 3 of my increase so a long way to go yet. Had the headache/dizziness but less intense than last time, which is good. I remember sleeping my first 2 weeks away with 20mg so learning from that mistake and keeping busy. Would love to hear more about meditation and uncertainty thanks, I'll try anything to get a little bit of peace from my thoughts. Pleased Lost's post was useful, she is a very insightful lady, lots of excellent advice, taurean's posts are very informative too. I love how helpful people are on here, I'm doing this with limited help (2 very special friends who are keeping me busy) so love the feeling of belonging, people are so kind. Thanks for the kind words about work. I have only had 1 other absence 15yrs ago so it's all a learning curve. Fingers crossed I'll be back soon, sitting around makes me worse! It sounds like you have a good therapist who is giving you lots of advice. I've just finished my first round last week so know how valuable that is. It's great you're finding it useful. Be brave and ask the questions you need to. I didn't and regret that a little now. Thanks for the help Danielle, it's good to talk. Enjoy the rest of your day. x

ThanksDanielle, how are you feeling this morning? Responsibility is a major issue but I am trying to deal with it. The problem is that I've supported everyone for so long it's hard to take that step back (for them and me). Makes me feel like I'm failing them. I can't really advise on how your meds are going, it's natural to doubt them - be careful it doesn't cause you to constantly ruminate over it. Try to accept how you feel, put it down to a bad day and do something positive with your time - this will lift your mood and hopefully keep you going until you get back to your GP. I haven't tried meditation, I've got a relaxation CD from my physio to help with back pain, it is quite useful at times. My therapist suggested I look into mindfulness as I struggle to control obsessions and looping thoughts but doing well with stopping compulsions. Just not sure how I go about find someone who does it. You may be only a few weeks into CBT but you seem to have some good skills and a great attitude to support you with your journey. I hope it gives you the results you are looking for. Hope you have a good day x

That's good to know. I'm a little worried about coping on my return, new boss and unsettled staff. I'm desperate to get back but know my OCD needs to be under control in order to support my staff effectively. My doctor isn't willing to negotiate so I have to try and accept it. Im sorry to hear this has been so bad, the fluoxetine can increase anxiety like this but it will pass. It's good you recognise this for what it is though. It's hard when your thoughts are not characteristic of you. However you need to remember they are just thoughts and are not you. This is great, be proud of your success. Rome wasn't built in a day, you will conquer your strongest thoughts with time and determination. Don't give up. If you havent already it may be useful to read Lostintime's post on the members forum on ruminating. May give you a helping hand. It's good you're getting CBT, your therapist should be able to give you some advice about your meds. Uncertainty is a common issue. Unfortunately this is an area I haven't addressed yet but you could try putting it into the search on the forum and see if anyone had created a post already on it. I'm sure someone could help. You seem to have the right attitude and are making good progress. Celebrate the positives and rest when needed. Be kind to yourself, you're doing really well. x

It certainly sounds like you have won first prize for the most side effects. I don't normally have any side effects to medication but was certainly a little rough with this. Can't believe I agreed to do it all over again lol. My doctor put me on the sick while I get used to it (she said 2wks initially but it's now been 2mths). Supposed to go back at the beginning of September but not convinced that will happen. It's hard when you don't feel physically ill to accept time off, its caused a lot of my stress and ocd issues etc. As I said earlier if it follows to 20mg experience you should start feeling a little better in a few days , fingers crossed. With me it literally was like switching on a light. One minute I was in full melt down 10mins later I was facing up to a compulsion at the top of my list. Short lived (approx a wk) but so worth going through the bad days for. Hopefully my experience will help you to get through the next few days. We all react differently but I really do hope you see improvements soon. Stay motivated, remember why you are doing it, you can get there x

This was exactly the same for me. Maybe try to hold onto how calm you felt on 20mg prior to it not working. I know that is what keeps me going.

Hi Danielle I agree lack of sleep makes everything seem worse. I found that my anxiety/OCD increased to a really high level around wk4-6 on 20mg, thankfully my doctor and therapist kept me going. I know it's hard but try to stay positive hopefully it will only be another week or so and the improvements will make it all seem worthwhile.

Hi Danielle Sorry to hear your increase is still causing you problems. I started flu 20mg 8wks ago and have only really started feeling normal in the last 2wks. Just had them increased and I was advised by my doctor to expect the same again. It's hoped the side effects won't be as severe but she did say 6-8wks again before I feel the full effects. Could you speak to your GP and see what they say? Hope you start to feel more comfortable soon. If you don't mind I'd be interested to hear how you get on as it could help me as I progress through the next few weeks.

Chelsie it may be time to seek help from your GP if they are understanding. You've been struggling all week and it doesn't seem to be easing. Just having someone in your corner, listening to your needs may give you the strength you need to move forward. Are you having CBT/ERP at the minute? if not may be you could discuss this too. Pleased you are feeling a little better tonight, try to focus on something you enjoy doing and if possible be around others to gain further strength. Good luck x