Irregular86

Hi ? So after a horrendous year my under control OCD spiralled and for the last few months I've been battling it. Personally I upped my meds gradually over 10 days to minimise side effects. I take 100mg of sertraline and although I do still get the thoughts I'm not as anxious and it is much easier to sit with it and refrain from engaging in behaviours. I also referred back through my local IAPT and am currently accessing therapy through them centered around exposure and response prevention. Hang in there, you've got this!

Thank you ? I know it will just be the OCD. I think it was just the shock of it happening and I've been racking my brain trying to think if I knew him or what I had done if not. My mam said I wasn't in the way of him or anything as he walked up the aisle so not sure what his issue was. Just another in a long line of thoughts I need to let go

So I've been shopping with my mam, we were in the shop browsing the coffee when someone came up behind me and punched me in the arm saying "rude" as he passed. I'm not sure whether it was someone I know as he had a mask on and when we got to the checkout he kept looking over. Anyway..... my brain has gone to what if he punched me but had a needle or something in his hand and stabbed me. I didn't feel the pain of a stab and there are no visible marks but my brain keeps coming back to what if. My mam has told me its the ocd but I can't shake the what if feeling. I've just increased my meds today as my ocd is spiralling and I'm 4 weeks into therapy. Just needed to vent ?

I wonder this too ?

I have managed today most of the day to stay away from googling info on it. Little slip up this morning but apart from that I've distracted myself with other things. However, the anxiety has stayed with me all day, this huge knot in my stomach! Reading back through the break free from OCD book and going to attempt some of the exercises in it over this week.

Trying so hard to. Distracted myself for a few hours with something else. I have my initial appointment with IAPT booked in this week so hopefully I can start moving past this soon!

That's what I keep trying to tell myself. I just can't stop looking on the Internet and then I feel worse. There are a million more scary things that could happen and are more likely to happen to me and ultimately rob me of time with my boy, so why its so fixated on this i have no clue. Although I think that is the driving force behind it, the consequences on the relationship with my son. I've started reading the break free from OCD book again and I need to start working through this for my own sanity.

So.... my fear used to be HIV and getting it from all sorts of random things and situations. With the help of a fab therapist from the local IAPT I managed to kick the habit of checking and worrying and was living life again. I'm not sure what has happened but I now have this fear of developing CJD. I am consumed by fear, it affects 1 in a million people across the world every year and is extremely rare. So why isn't that enough to shake the fear? The thought of having it and just literally deteriorating in a matter of months to dying is too horrific to live with. My boy is 6 years old, I can't bear the thought. It started with the one from eating meat but now it has latched on to the sporadic which has no known cause, no known cure and can't be detected until you're ill which results in death in a matter of months. Its like the OCD thought that's not scary enough let's go for the worse option. I have referred myself back to IAPT as I need some support. Hopefully it is sooner rather than later as I can't eat, its waking me up in the night and I just feel terribly anxious all of the time. I just needed to vent and hopefully talk to someone, my family are lovely and supportive but I just don't think they fully understand. Not just that but talking about it makes me think it could come true. I know in my head from past experience that this is again OCD but there is a niggling voice at the back of my head saying yes but what if! I have made a deal with myself, no more checking today, i've exhausted every webpage the last few days as well as myself ? Any thoughts or insights into how I can ease my worries? Anyone ever suffered the same fear?

Fab day yesterday and was feeling much more positive, back to the Internet this evening and I feel terrible. Need to stop.

I resisted looking at anything else and just took myself to bed, the thought is still popping up however I refuse to look at any more information and I'm hoping it passes over quickly.

So... I've been cruising along so well lately, taking 50mg of sertraline and suffering no symptoms! Lockdown has been worrying and strange but I have adored spending time with my little one and with everything going on in the world my symptoms were still at bay. He has eventually started back to school after 6 months off. Today is his birthday, we went out for tea, I had lasagne (as did my sister) The thought hit, what if this is beef with bse. That's ridiculous, there are regulations and procedures. Yes but what if. Queue the old panic feelings, couldn't finish my meal, felt like I wanted to throw up. I've returned home on auto pilot, carried out bedtime routine and then researched for the last hour on the Web. How many cases lately? 7 in cows in the past 5 years, noneI entered the food chain. Is it likely? Only 178 deaths at his height. How is mince made etc. Ive got stomach ache and can't keep away from the loo. I'm terrified I'm going to slip back in to my old ways now. Any advice please?

Hi all, Just an update, it was absolutely fine, the medical department didnt even contact me, I was allowed to enrol and have started my teaching degree. Thank you for the advice

That is super helpful thank you so much, I'd just hate to have gotten through all the therapy to relieve the OCD thoughts and compulsions and worked my socks off to get my grades to be told sorry but no. I was thinking surely there are lots of people with it who do teach. I think it's just because it is taking so long for them to come back to me about it all that I am worrying. Thank you ?

Hi everyone, Is there anyone in the UK who can possibly give me some advice here? I have a place to study Primary education degree at uni come September. As part of the conditions we are to fill out a health declaration, which I have done. I was diagnosed in 2017 with OCD and was treated with 50mg Sertraline (daily) which I still take now and I had High intensity ERP therapy once a week for 6 months. My condition is managed, I rarely if ever have thoughts about it now and I dont engage in compulsions anymore. I've declared my condition as it says on the form failure to disclose information can result in you being thrown off the course. I understand with schizophrenia etc but surely there are others with OCD who manage to teach efficiently. My OCD centred around my sexual relationship with my partner and therefore never endangered anyone else. Has anyone else had a similar experience and been declared unfit to teach? I am gonna be so upset as I have more than met the grades required and have worked so hard to get there and the health declaration is the only thing pending on my application. Any advice would be greatly recieved ?

As someone who has recently had a relapse and had to restart my meds I know how you feel. I literally don't have enough hours in the day to get things done and then at night I can't sleep for thoughts and worries. You have already sought help with regards to counselling and also with adding vitamins to your daily routine, hopefully you feel better soon. Try to remember those thoughts, no matter how terrible are just that, thoughts! Just take it a day at a time. Sending hugs

After coping really well for around a week i am stressed over uni interviews and stuff in my personal life and the urge to check has crept in. I want to ask my GP about it tomorrow even Though I have already sought advice from the Terrence Higgins trust who, with no disrespect to my Gp, probably no more about it than anyone and have said no risk. I'm scared to ask incase she tells me it's a risk and I relapse badly through worrying, but also feel like I need to make sure as it's my little boys health in the balance if I don't and that makes me a terrible mother. Always with the what ifs. Someone help please!! Should I ask my GP so I can move on? But then what if she says maybe there is, that would be catastrophic!

Restful night's sleep last night which was much needed followed by the urge to check becoming overwhelming this morning. Ashamed to say i gave in and spent an hour checking. But I came to work and have spent the past 3 hours keeping busy to help resist the urge as well as reminding myself that he had no risk therefore my worry is OCD! So far so good.

Thank you! I have some material from my therapist that I'm going to revisit tonight and have a good read through which will hopefully help get me back on track.

You are right PolarBear but I'm determined not to let it drag me back in. I have so far resisted checking for around 4 hours and have kept myself busy and I feel a little better having done so. I just need to keep it up!

I just forgot how intense and debillitating it feels. The thought had eased a little when I picked my little one up this morning from his father and hugged him but the urge to check is becoming overwhelming now, so far I am resisting. I know I need to but the what if is becoming unbearable. Guess I just gotta ride it out even if the thought of doing nothing terrifies me when my entire being is telling me to seek help or advice and if I don't and the worst happens it would be my fault. Thank you for your comments, I know it's OCD and not reality, like I said I don't even know if he pricked himself guess that's the thing with OCD.

So I thought I was over this. Successfully completed high intensity therapy, it took 6 months but I was free finally! One year later I feel like I'm back to square 1. We were at my partners parents house with my little boy who is 4. My partners mother is type 1 diabetic and has been for around 38 years. She was upstairs getting ready for work and there were 2 lancets and a couple of insulin pen needles next to her chair. I know the needles had their caps on but I'm not sure if the lancets had been used. Anyway my little one came charging in with his toy cars and he shoves them to one side with his bare hands so he could park his cars. I remember feeling uncomfortable but forgot about it pretty quickly. Fast forward 3 days and boom the what if he pricked himself scenario has hit and is there every minute of the day. I spent hours trawling the internet to determine if you could transmit hiv this way. There is no reason to believe she has it, she has been in a monogamous marriage with my partners father for almost 40yrs. But the what if is there I can't sleep for worrying. I rang the Terrance Higgins trust this morning and they assured me that a. it is solid like a pin so couldn't transmit hiv as it couldn't hold blood. B. Any residual blood would be unable to infect due to environmental factors as it's a fragile virus. C. It is a superficial wound from a lancet and needs direct access to blood stream. So why can't I turn this off?? Christ if he had pricked himself surely he would feel it. I daren't mention it to my partner incase he thinks I'm accusing his mother of being infected or "dirty" as he idolises her being the only child, as does my little one and it would upset her so much that the thoughts crossed my mind of her albeit accidentally hurting him. I feel like such a failure after doing well for so long. Could it be stress related? I've had a tough time with my little ones father over Xmas and his threats of keeping my son and not returning him home. Any advice or anything to help would be gratefully accepted right now!

Guess it's just gonna have to be one of those where I bite the bullet and just deal with the thoughts as and when they come afterwards. Maybe treat it like ERP and hopefully the more i expose myself the less it becomes a problem. Thanks for your advice.

Best advice ever!! Could do with printing this out and putting it on my wall where I can see it every time one of these thoughts creep in!

Hi So I'm kinda just wondering if anyone else who suffers from contamination OCD and in particular HIV OCD struggles with the physical side of their relationship. Me & my partner both tested negative but I can't get rid of the thought that maybe I have contracted it somehow and I could pass it on as mentioned in previous posts. Since this all started again early July we have slept together once when we were both drunk. It's really starting to affect our relationship as we both want to but I sway between not daring to sleep together in case it brings the thoughts back as bad as they were as I have improved a fair bit over last few weeks. And not sleeping together in case I by some minute chance do have something and pass it on. Even though I know I don't. Sorry I'm rambling just wondered if anyone had experienced anything similar and could maybe give me some advice Thanks ?

Thank you Snowbear! Yeah I guess you're right. To be honest I haven't really though much about the OCD or anything to do with it over the last few days as been so busy with life in general so I guess it's just trying to fight it's way back to the forefront of my mind again. I am determined not to let it win though!