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Captain Trips

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  1. I've been on clomipramine for 2 months now, started 50mg (25mg twice a day), now on maximum at 250mg (125mg twice a day) . I weigh 90kg. I feel it started to help me at about 150mg and I'd say now I have about a 50% improvement overall and am able to resist engaging in compulsions half of the time, which is great. Clomipramine is a TCA, and is much more likely to cause ECG changes, so my psychiatrist insisted my heart be checked before and during treatment. I had a normal ECG before I started on it and had another ECG last week which showed 3 different abnormalities, so I am expecting a phone call this week to say I've gotta come off them. The only side effect I get is inorgasmia, which unfortunately for me is a pretty major one. I've tried every other SSRI, bar Fluvoxamine, and also Venlafaxine and Mirtazapine, but clomipramine has been by far the worst for this. I also usually have a very high libido, which has literally turned to nothing. My advice is if you have a healthy sex life, then clomipramine may ruin it, but this of course may not happen for every individual, though it's pretty likely if you read the stats. The other bad one for this for me was Paroxetine, but clomipramine is way way worse.
  2. I feel for you. Sounds like a nightmare. I'm not a therapist, but I'm assuming the reason you have such an extended ritual is your OCD telling you you're not clean enough. If this is the case, try not brushing your teeth for a week. You'll get horrible anxiety as a result, but as a result you'll get used to the idea of not feeling clean enough and realise that you can actually tolerate it a lot easier than you thought you could. Why do you think you are afraid of splashback onto your clothes?
  3. It definitely focuses on the negatives. The most important tool for the powers that be is fear! I take a lot of things I hear on the news with a pinch of salt. When I was younger during the Kosovo war my OCD focused on it and I became obsessed that I would be conscripted and have to go and fight. This I'm sure came from constant televised coverage of it which my OCD latched on to. These days, whilst I have other issues, this particular obsession is completely gone, showing just how irrational it actually was in the first place. Oh and as for conspiracy theories; everything that isn't what the news claims is a fact is now labelled a 'conspiracy theory' when really most news is just someone's opinion stated as a fact. As is a 'conspiracy theory' - it's just another opinion. You are well within your rights to have your own ideas and not be labelled a conspiracy theorist. Unless of course you believe the earth is flat! 😆 😉
  4. I also used to wake up in the middle of the night to eat. I think you'll find that anti depressants won't change your metabolism directly, only they increase the hunger and desire to eat.
  5. I used to take Paroxetine 60mg with Mirtazapine 45mg, both of which can cause weight gain because they make you hungry. I initially gained weight, but then with careful management, I lost the weight I had gained and even lost a bit more. Mirtazapine would make me hungry within an hour of taking it, so I would take it right before bed and aim to fall asleep before the hunger came. Paroxetine, which I also took at night would make me hungry on waking, which was ok as i'd wake and have a decent breakfast, then go about my day. It's normal to gain a bit of weight when you first start taking these meds, but it totally can be managed if you want to or if you feel the need.
  6. Hi Lost In Thought I have not had OCD about politics, but I have found that my mood is greatly improved if I do not watch the news and stay away from social media. I removed the Facebook icon from my home screen on my phone and found just by doing that I was less likely to automatically click on it. You may feel like you're being ignorant by not keeping up with current events, but if it's good for your mental health than that's the more important. Also remember that you can't alone do anything about world events and obsessing about them is not healthy for anyone, especially if you have OCD.
  7. I like the 'OCD is a baby' analogy from Nathan Peterson..
  8. I was thinking as I was writing my last post that it was the loss of memory of thoughts, conversations or physical items I attach emotional significance to that feeds my OCD, and although it's mainly those things, its also things that have no emotional significance whatsoever. For example, today I woke up and all day ruminated about why I changed two tyres on my car last year. Why didn't I just change the one that was faulty? What happened? Where was I when I got the puncture? It gets even more meaningless. Thoughts like: Which bin did I throw that empty box in? What did I do with the receipt for the newspaper I bought? I don't attach any emotional importance to those items (well maybe the tyres because they were expensive), but still I have an uncontrollable urge to find out and reconfirm my actions and a huge sense of desire to do so. I so badly want to be cool about these things and just shrug them off but I can't right now.
  9. Looks like it's just England that's got the raw deal then. I recently moved from England to Wales and my prescriptions went from about £30 to zero per month!
  10. Thanks for another great response snowbear 🙂
  11. I wish they were free in England. My mate gets his insulin for free so why shouldn't we get our meds for free? In Wales all prescriptions are currently free which is good, not sure about Scotland.
  12. Hey Snowbear, thanks for your reply. Can I just say, I think this forum is great. My psychiatrist actually told me to check it out as I can't start CBT again until lockdown is over. I'm also just changing my meds around to a better combination as I don't have work stresses or other stresses at the moment so there's space to deal with that change. I am gearing up for when I can finally go back to therapy, this time as sober person (5 years and counting). @snowbearmade a good point saying it's fascinating how the memory works. This is how everything I've read says you should view it. For example, instead of observing the failures and successes of memory with curiousity and fascination as I should be doing, I am catastrophising and despairing at how irritating it's failures are. I don't know why I place so much importance on remembering things (or rereading this maybe I do now). I do it with my possessions too. I can't handle it when I have lost something. Like a book I remember I used to have but now I don't know where it is or an item of clothing or a memento of some kind. I can be overly sentimental about inanimate objects. I understand that by definition if I could remember where that something is it wouldn't be 'lost' but clearly the items I care about losing are the ones with an emotional background attached. One of my earliest obsessions going back 20 years ago was around the time I left home, my Dad gave me the coat he was wearing when he met my Mum and I lost it when moving house. I literally spent a year worrying about that and going to ridiculous lengths trying to recover it. I exhausted every avenue of inquiry trying to be certain of its fate which eventually became one of the many things instrumental to me developing OCD. Clearly there were many emotions attached to that object and from that situation going forth, my OCD thrived on any item I attached some emotion to. Fast forward 20 years and it's still ruining my life. I want to say "enough is enough" and "right that's it it's time to beat it" but we all know too well as sufferers how you can get stuck on that square. I can see how for some people others opinions of them are a massive issue, but I generally don't care what people think of me these days. If I say something and I forget or if someone says something to me that I forget, selfish as it may be it makes ME emotional, whether that emotion be anxiety, anger, distress sadness, etc. Then I end up carrying out the behaviours that my OCD brain tells me will protect me. The same goes for the above description of me losing items. I ruminate, I make notes, I sit and try to remember, I look behind me everywhere I go to check I haven't dropped something or left something behind... My last therapist used to repeatedly ask me this and I've listened back to the recordings and I just go silent every time. The answer is nothing. Nothing will happen but anxiety. So so true. The 'I can leave that til later' mantra has worked for me in the past. It's like your tricking your unconscious brain into it thinking you will come back to it later, but in reality you don't and your unconscious forgets and doesn't throw the worry at you again. I find it works better for the minor ones than the major ones though. (I understand that in part of CBT you can grade thoughts into anxiety levels out of 100). Anyway, long post but feels good to externalise it all for once. 🙂
  13. I am definitely interested in this area of research. When I think back to my drug taking days, after taking mushrooms in the weeks following one large dose I felt what could only be described as the nearest thing to mental clarity I ever experienced. However, be warned; just because magic mushrooms are 'natural' and can grow in your garden they are most definitely still 'top shelf' drugs - I've seen people completely ruined by bad trips on both mushrooms and LSD to the point the experience was so severe they never were the same again.
  14. Thankyou all for your replies. Having read these forums extensively, I think some of you could quite easily measure up to be therapists! So how do I cognitively attack this: The thoughts that set me off are things like: "What did person A say to me just a minute ago/yesterday?.. or why did that person say that?" Then follows a massive anxiety spike with the doubt and uncertainty associated with not being able to remember. Compulsion: I have to ask that person and then sit and focus all my energy on trying to remember against a timer (usually one or two hours, always ending on the hour as opposed to half past the hour or quarter past etc). It does not matter whether that person remembers or not when I ask for reassurance, I still have to do the timer thing to reinforce the idea that I've done everything I can do to remember. Further compulsions: I have to make endless notes in my phone of thoughts and conversations that I somehow believe to be important to remember for lster in my phone so I do not forget them. Sometimes it gets so bad I get stuck in loops of writing down my thoughts as they pop into my mind. It's all consuming and completely incapacitating. I however realise that: A) Recall of memories on cue is rarely if not never possible (total recall) B) For some reason I attach importance to certain memories and hoard them C) It doesn't matter whether I forget things as nothing bad happens other than anxiety D) The things that really ARE important I am unlikely to forget. Up to now I have tried not responding to the thoughts and sitting with the anxiety, I can usually manage one or two days, but as one item fades, another replaces it and so on.....
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