SeaBreeze

Hi, thanks so much for your detailed response mate, I appreciate it. That’s interesting, I didn’t know that. Thanks for letting me know. I am not really using the laptop as much at the moment due to my worries. Maybe that’s the first step of the ERP, to use it to remind myself everything is okay? Oh no, is the end result bad? I presume so. It was only a tiny speck the size of my finger nail. Maybe I should get it inspected. Perhaps it’s corroded everything. In terms of treatment, they will not offer me any because of my Autism report stating clearly that what was thought to be OCD is no longer true as it is a part of being Autistic apparently and that all of my worries and obsessions are familiar routines to me and that I have severe rigidity with my thoughts. The assessor for my Autism diagnosis thought that the anxiety came from not being able to carry out behaviours from an Autism point of view. It’s a bit odd because three years ago when I went for an ASD assessment first time, they thought I had OCD. It’s all very strange.

Hi everyone, I'm struggling quite badly with my OCD. I don't see a therapist for OCD as it is thought that my OCD which was diagnosed many years ago is no longer the correct diagnosis and that it's related to my Autism, (which I disagree with), but it means that I don't receive any support so this forum is my lifeline. Around three months ago I knocked over a glass of Pepsi Max, (no sugar) next to my laptop which was on a cooling pad which therefore meant it was lifted up off the desk. I immediately moved the laptop and checked it over and over again, (and still am three months later), and apart from a splash the size of my fingernail which I blotted up immediately, I can't find any evidence that Pepsi went onto / in it. The laptop didn't turn off when the incident happened and it has functioned perfectly since. I have both accidental protection from the manufacturer and from a private insurance policy I pay for. I wanted to send it off to the manufacturer but they said there was nothing for them to look at if it's working fine, they only look at and repair devices which are broken which seems sensible. Then I wanted to pay £90 for a local IT company to do a thorough inspection, but my Mum assured me I didn't need to as a) it could cause more problems them opening it up and looking at it as I hate people looking / repairing devices and b) there's no stain or anything and it was raised off the table with it knocking next to it, not onto it. I've managed to get over my concerns the past three months but my worries are back with vengeance. I'm worried people judge me. I know I shouldn't have drunk next to the laptop and am never doing that again. I'm worried people think I'm stupid for having done that, or for not having it inspected. What happens if the laptop breaks down? What happens if I can't do what I want to do on it whilst they replace it? Isn't it easier to just buy a brand new one so I can get over my worries? I don't know what to do. I feel totally consumed by my worries. My plan of action is to continue to accept those thoughts but remind myself I have insurance for if the device does fail, even though there's no sign it will and then I can send it off. Would you guys follow a different plan of action? Thanks so much. I'm feeling very lost.

That's true. Thank you.

Thank you, isn't that avoidance though? Sorry to hear that it took so long do the anxiety to clear, it's so hard. I'm still having anxiety from an incident over three months ago. Very slowly it does become easier, yes. But what do you do when an old though comes back up in your mind which you thought you had dealt with?

That’s true, thank you for replying. That’s a very good point, it will ingrain in my head that every time something goes wrong I have to reset the PC which should be a last line of troubleshooting. Thanks for replying.

Hi everyone, I’m feeling a bit distressed this evening. I had a worry about my laptop two or three weeks ago and it consumed me for nearly a week but I was away on holiday so couldn’t carry out the compulsion. Now I’m back and the thought has popped into my head and I have spent hours researching trying to reassure myself that everything is fine, but I can’t find the answer I’m looking for or it may be the case that nothing I read will satisfy me. Wouldn’t it just be easier for me to reset the laptop back to factory settings? I could’ve done it a lot quicker than worrying about it for the whole night. Any insight is most welcome as I’m feeling a bit stuck.

Hi @Kid2023pink - thank you so much for asking. This rumination has eased thank you, I managed to enjoy the holiday and then when I got back I have so far managed to not carry out the specific compulsion mentioned on my thread. As always though, my OCD finds other thoughts to get stuck on and the current one involves becoming a new person. I feel the need to clean my flat and update all my PCs and phones and do washing so that I can reinvent myself and forget all the bad things that have happened. It takes around seven hours to do and I just have no energy as I have done it so many times before and I always end up wanting to do the compulsions again, but it seems like the only way to wipe the slate clean and cancel out all the bad things I've done. How are you doing? It means a lot that you checked in with me.

Thank you.

Hi everyone, I have really tried to avoid carrying out my OCD compulsions and whilst I haven’t done the main ones and really resisted, I ended up doing a mini compulsion which took me two or three hours. It started off as a very small compulsion and then turned into a slightly larger one. It wasn’t a usual compulsion for me, but was related. Carrying out the compulsion then lead me to worry more. How do I catch a compulsion which isn’t a usual compulsion? Also, I feel really guilty for doing this. I’m so cross with myself as I’ve been trying really hard to resist my compulsions and I feel as though I wasted so much time yesterday whilst on holiday. I felt distracted and couldn’t fully enjoy the day. Does anyone have any advice or insight? Thanks so much in advance.

I’ve told myself I can reset the device when I get home if I want to but now I’m worrying about will it work if I reset it and imagine if there was a failure when I did this and is it worth risking when my laptop functions fine? My whole brain is a mess and I can’t talk to my family about it and I’m feeling distressed.

Thanks, it was more the OCD ruminations I was seeking advice for as I have a gaming laptop.

Hi everyone, I’m on holiday and I’m really trying hard to enjoy myself - but the anxiety of trying to get through my holiday whilst resisting the thoughts of I’m going to do my OCD compulsions when I get back home is really difficult as I really don’t want to! My OCD is around my PC and whenever something goes wrong I feel I have to reset the device back to factory settings. Rationally I know my PC is fine as it works perfectly okay, but when something goes wrong I worry, even though it is usually a one off. These are the events that happened: I had to uninstall the software that controls my laptop, (adjusts fan speeds & lighting) as it kept saying it needed updating and the only way to get around the error was to do this and then re-install. Re-installed and everything worked perfectly. I followed the steps provided by the manufacturer to the t. I’m worried though that even though it works perfectly I have caused something bad to happen. I had an error in the background regarding Windows so I did a CHKDSK scan which I was worried may find errors and cause issues. Followed Windows 11 support article and they recommend you carry out the steps I took. Also the scan didn’t find any errors and the issue hasn’t re-occurred and it’s been a month. I don’t see why my brain is telling me endlessly even when I’m enjoying myself whilst I’m away to reset the device when I am back home. I feel like people may judge me for not resetting it and I have the niggling though that the device isn’t ‘as new’ as I’ve had to uninstall things and come across errors, but that’s what PCs are for? My phone does the same and I don’t worry as much, I turn it off and back on and carry on with my day and if it does break down with a clear fault then I get it fixed. I’m writing this because then the thought popped into my head, isn’t it just easier to do the OCD compulsions when I get back because then I don’t have to contend with the thoughts whilst I’m away and I can re-assure myself knowing I will take that step without having to contend with the ‘what-if’ thoughts. Any insight or help would be much appreciated, as I’m feeling a little lost enjoying myself going round Amsterdam to find my brain saying ‘what if, why don’t you, your laptop is faulty’ etc. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Many thanks

Thank you taurean, yes, I will have a think about what I can actually draw from these experiments. Thanks again.

Thank you, I learnt that pretty much instantly and that's why I feel so awful - I should've known something like this was going to happen. Nobody else would've been so stupid. I am trying to distract my mind away from catastrophic thinking, but it really isn't easy. I wanted to stop using the laptop but I've decided to use it and do some gaming on it to re-assure myself it's fine and to try and distract myself. I am still wondering whether I need to take it to a repair specialist, but there's nothing to be repaired. Thank you, PolarBear. It's because I don't want people to think badly of me, I feel judged all the time and I just want everything to be perfect and when I am foolish enough to do things like drink next to a laptop, obviously it's much more likely I won't be perfect as I found out.

Hi everyone, as some of you may know I suffer with OCD revolving around technology. I am a very stupid person and had a can of Pepsi Max next to my expensive laptop and knocked it over - thankfully my laptop was on a cooling pad stand so hardly any Pepsi touched it. I did a thorough examination and I saw a splash of Pepsi on entry to the air cooling vent which i dabbed with a piece of kitchen roll and that was all I could see. The laptop turns on fine, works perfectly well and as I say nowhere else has it touched the laptop. I am terrified that I have done irreversible damage to my laptop. My OCD is the most severe it's even been, I feel so stupid for having let this happen and I don't know what a proportionate response is. I feel like throwing away the laptop even though it's only four months old and cost me a couple of grand, that's how bad my OCD is. I mopped up the Pepsi off the floor which was where 99% of it went and I am trying not to think about it all. I had accidental coverage protection insurance from the manufacturer, but when I can't see any damage and I blotted the Pepsi that I did notice was on the laptop I feel a bit silly sending it off, plus then that means other people will have touched it. I feel very lost right now. I feel stupid. I am having dark thoughts as I recognise this is all my fault and I just give up. Any warm words would be much appreciated as I have just lost complete sight of reality. Nobody else has had this happen to them because they're not as stupid as me!

I'm not trying to cause an argument either, I was just mentioning how the comment made me feel - thank you for your comment too.

I agree, also by someone saying 'surely x has happened' that makes you feel guilty when that hasn't happened.

Unfortunately it hasn't been.

I'm sorry to hear that, would you like to talk mate?

Thank you very much, Relinsky for your warm words and I'm glad you're making progress - that's great! You're right, we all need to be kind to ourselves. Hope you had a nice weekend.

Hi, thank you so much for your comment - I have now managed to get some sleep which has helped. Yes, that's the same for me. I am trying to focus on the things I can control, but I find it all very overwhelming at the moment as there's a lot should be controlling and doing. Thanks again for your warm words and I hope you had a nice weekend.

Thank you for the advice.

Thank you Gemma7 for your kind words. Yes, fingers crossed it's just a blip as my mental health has been quite poor recently and it may be that the one thing I think I can be in control of is my OCD? Interesting thought, thank you. Yes, it's a repeat of old problems resurfacing - in some ways worse. I did lots of therapy previously, I will have a dig out for my notes. I think because I'm in such a poor headspace at the mo, everything feels so hard. Getting rest is probs the best idea, hopefully tonight will be easier for me. Thanks again for commenting.

Hi everyone, I am feeling very distressed. My OCD has gone from being in remission to full on severe again, (my OCD had been pretty much at bay for the past two years or so). I don't know what to do. I have been up all night last night carrying out my compulsions and the night before I only got four hours sleep before I had to get up and carry out my compulsions. I feel like a zombie and my brain just cannot process any of my thoughts like I normally try to, I feel like I'm headed into a mental health breakdown. I live alone and I am Autistic alongside my OCD as some of you may know. Just being here knowing I'm not alone means a lot, so thank you.

Thank you for the insight.