WNB

Ashley - I appreciate your reply greatly ... Thank you ... Believe me, I really do understand your opinion (and my counselor's opinion also) - What you both say now makes sense - it is all OCD - I do not need to be specific by using rOCD ... You did mention that my thoughts are loosely focused on the relationship ... Could you please explain this a little more ?? - I really feel that my thoughts are mainly about my relationship with my wife - "loosely focused on the relationship" confuses me greatly ... I really do believe that my OCD is about our relationship - almost 100% ... I also really need a little more explanation of how my OCD is about my choices - how people view these choices and also how I view my choices - please explain what you mean about these choices ... I really would like to thank you again - I have never used forums like this before - I am very scared, actually ... Waiting to hear more from you ... In your case, your OCD is loosely focussed on that, but I suspect deep down (I am not a therapist so forgive me if I am off the mark), I think your OCD goes deeper and how people view your choices, maybe how you view your own choices.

Hi ... I definitely have been experiencing OCD for a long time ... I also suffer from anxiety and depression ... I also have had Epilepsy for almost my entire life ... I am 54 years old ... I am a retired Math and Computer Science teacher - I had to retire after 21 years due to the Epilepsy ... Anyway, I feel that I definitely have rOCD - I have been going to counseling for a long time ... My therapist will not let me discuss rOCD - I must discuss only OCD with her - I am not to be specific by naming the problem as rOCD - I do not understand this at all ... My wife and I have been together for 27 years - married for 24 years and dating for 3 years - we have a superb relationship - we love being together ... My large problem is that I have thoughts about her constantly ... These thoughts bother me so much that I cannot stand it - it has been awful - I deal with this every day and night ... The largest rOCD problem that I have deals with her weight and her looks ... I first asked her out within the school where we both taught in 1992 ... When we began dating, she was currently working out daily - needed to overcome her weight problems ... I was not aware of her having a weight problem at the time we began enjoying each other so much - she looked fantastic from day one ... At this point, I have terrible thoughts about her mostly when we are in public ... As an example, I often do not introduce her to friends of mine (I do not have many) - I do not want them to see what I have or what I have chosen and how I could have done so much better ... I feel so awful both mentally and physically when I experience the thoughts ... What keeps happening is that I seem to be having a problem with "image" - I have always lived in a very small town (we have lived there for 24 years) - Everybody knows what everybody else is doing in the town - "looking good" has always been important - My Dad, who is 85 years old, still practices "image" today ... Do I want to be with her ?? ... Do I really need to end this relationship ?? ... Is she someone that I do not want to live with because of her weight ?? ... We really do have an absolutely tremendous relationship - except for my thoughts ... She does know that I have what I mentioned above - she actually attends my counseling ... She could not be understanding any better ... I just have not discussed rOCD very much - she has no idea how this is ruining my (ours) life .. What do you think ?? ... Do I suffer from rOCD ?? ... I really need to understand and agree that I do suffer from rOCD - and what happens, what I do, etc is not my fault ... Can anyone let me know if my thoughts and actions are actual rOCD examples - or am I being unfair to her by "keeping" her in the marriage ?? ... Do I have rOCD ?? ... Is what's happening not my own fault ?? ... I am suffering ... Thank you very much for your assistance !! ...