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Jumbo

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    174
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Hiv and blood bourne disease

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Hull

Recent Profile Visitors

666 profile views
  1. Check out his Twitter page guys! If you are a fan of hackneyed, trite motivational quotes then you're in for a treat. Poundland psychology at its finest. Bray is a far cornier and nowhere near as likeable version of David Brent from The Office. Except Brent is far wiser. I bet Bray also brings a guitar to his 1-2-1's
  2. I spoke to Vivienne Westwood one-time when I used to work for American Express. She was incredibly nice, a lovely lady. Once, when I worked for HMV I had the dubious honour of serving Hip-Hop legend Afrika Bambaataa. He was rude and arrogant.... a total bell-end! A few years back, after he had played a gig in Hull, I got to speak to Happy Mondays frontman Shaun Ryder. He was a true gent, a really nice bloke.
  3. Hey @daja not too bad at all. How's you mate?
  4. I really admire your courage @daja Personally, I would rather die than spend time in such a place. It would be the most unbearable triggering situation for me. Last year I was asked to visit a similar place (called Miranda House) for an assessment. I politely declined. Whatever help they could have given me, would have been negated by the trauma of having to visit there. I've read posts on here before, where local mental health services have refered contamination OCD sufferers to places like this. The experience made their OCD even worse! Jumbo
  5. I sure can @PolarBear And, trust me, I have tried so, so hard to just summon up the courage to just ignore the fear and touch the damn thing. But the fear is just too strong. Right now, my OCD is the worst it has ever been... and I have suffered with it for over 25 years. I've had tons of therapy, done a ton of meds and nothing has worked (the only thing that has ever helped was Cannabis, but I can no longer access it.) The last year has been just too much. And, I have come to the realisation that, at the age of 48, my OCD or life is never going to improve. Sorry for the rant.... But I really am at a loss. Jumbo
  6. Hi guys, I've managed to resist cleaning my door handle... so far. However I need to go out on Monday and it is going to be necessary to give it a clean. Now, so far, my plan is to wipe it with bleach and just leave it. I really don't want to use bleach as I worry it wil cause the handle to rust, and no doubt, if I see rust on the handle, i'm bound to assume its blood (in my mind they look very similar.) @dksea suggested using just soap and water (thanks @dksea). But to be honest, I don't think that will be enough to allay my fears. I've wasted an almost entire week worrying about this and I need to move on. Any suggestions? Thanks for reading Jumbo
  7. Hey @dksea Thank you for that understanding and encouraging reply. It was inspiring and really what I neeed to hear. Thats pretty much what I was planning on doing. To be honest, I was going to give the handle a very quick wipe with bleach and just leave it. It shouldn't take more than a few seconds... hopefully. Also, I'm going to make a point of not examining the handle for bloodstains before or after (so far I have resisted) as no doubt I will find a speck of dirt and instantly assume its blood. I feel sad that I'm having to do this, especially as I was doing so well. But, sometimes compulsions are a necessary evil I guess. I need to remember overcoming OCD is a marathon, not a sprint. And setbacks will happen. Thank you for letting me know its ok to not be ok. Take care my friend All the best Jumbo
  8. Thanks @dksea I appreciate your post. If the neighbour who was burgled lived across the street I would most likely have dismissed the incident by now. But sadly he doesn't, and the door to his flat is only a few inches away from mine. I simply can't stop worrying that the thief has touched it at some point (to see if my door was unlocked.) What makes it all the more distressing, is that I have made some really significant moves toward recovery lately. And this has just sent me back to square one. Of late, I try to look at anything that triggers me from the perspective of someone who doesn't have OCD. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. This time it doesn't. I'm feeling pretty low mate. If I could take a pill, fall asleep and never wake up, I would. I know that is a horrible thing to say but I'm just so tired of this damn OCD. Sorry for the negativity. Jumbo
  9. Sorry @daja, I know you're not fond of the stuff. Even if I cover the handle in bleach I doubt it will still feel clean. Oh mate, what a mess I'm in...
  10. Another neighbour claims they heard someone trying to open their door earlier that evening. The general opinion is that the thief was an opportunist, looking for unlocked doors. My front door is only few inches from my neighbours door (we live in flats.) So, sadly, it seems pretty likely that that thief will have tried my door. Most Burglars tend to be drug abusers and it is very common for them to be carriers of some form of Hepatitis. If the Burglar has even a tiny cut on their hand its possible they could have got it on my door handle. I realise this may sound like OCD talk to many, but sadly, to me it seems very real. Believe me @PolarBear, I really don't want to be worried about this incident. Especially as I had been doing so well the last few weeks. But I can't shake off the "what ifs?" and It's driving me crazy! Anyway, thanks again for all your advice @PolarBear Trust me, it's always appreciated. Take care buddy Jumbo
  11. To be honest @PolarBear, If I was touching something that is in public use, that many people had touched over and over again, then yeah, I would need to accept a degree of uncertainty with that. But thats not the case here and I think it's quite reasonable to want 100% certainty that touching my own door handle will not give me a disease or virus. A Burglar may or may not have touched my door... I'm not willing to take the chance he didn't. I'm gonna have to clean it. Also, I imagine there are lots of non-OCD sufferers out there right now, who, because of COVID19 wouldn't hesitate to clean up if a stranger had touched their property. When it comes to protecting your loved ones, everybody wants to be 100% certain. Nothing wrong with that mate All the best Jumbo
  12. Thanks @PolarBear I understand what you mean about uncertainty and have tried in the past to embrace it, its just... I have to be certain my door handle isn't contaminated. I use it everday and the thought of touching it is making me really sick with anxiety. Fortunately, I'm aware that HIV loses it's ability to infect within seconds once it has left the body, so to be honest HIV infection isn't a major concern to me in this scenario. However, Hepatitis B & C can survive in dry blood on surfaces for weeks. That terrifies me! Therefore I imagine I will need to wipe the handle with bleach at some point. I know it may seem unnecessary and dissapointing to hear but I need to do something. To be honest @PolarBear I don't know how he is dealing with it. He probably doesn't give a hoot... He doesn't have contamination OCD, but if he did I imagine he would be going out of his mind, just like me. Thanks again @PolarBear Jumbo
  13. Thanks @iamwesker I appreciate your kind words and support, thanks mate. I really wished I could believe this... my mind is really going into overdrive on this one Jumbo
  14. Thanks for the reply @iamwesker The problem have right now is I just can't stop thinking ... The burglar tried the handle to see if my door was unlocked... The burglar most likely had blood/saliva or a cut on his hand... The burglar will no doubt be a drug abuser and no doubt have Hep B, Hep C or HIV. Now my door handle is contaminated. To me, all those above scenarios seem very real and very rational. In most situations when I am triggered I can "see the OCD" and I'm able to apply common sense and logic to discredit the trigger and eventually move on. This time... I cannot. Can anyone explain to me why my take on this situation is irrational? Why would my door handle be safe to touch? I simply cannot work it out for myself right now. I'm truly at my wits end. Thanks for reading All the best Jumbo
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