Hello, everyone. So, here´s the thing. My doctor thinks I might have OCD, and I´m not really sure how I feel about it. Sometimes, it seems to fit, sometimes not. Especially because, if this is OCD, it´s really different from what I thought it should be. I don´t really have any external "compulsions", only mental ones, if those even are compulsions. I get really insecure about what my place and impact on the world is, and in turn really afraid that actions that I take, even small actions, will be contributing to things that I don´t agree with. But right or wrong is relative and not absolute, and that really makes me feel insecure, as if I have to find some sort of absolute way of doing right and being good. And so I ruminate and go over things on my head, a lot. And in a really repetitive way. This is what my doctor thought could be a compulsion, the endless repetitive replaying of arguments on my head, until I´m tired and regained some sense of security in being “right”.
My doctor and I didn´t have much time to discuss this over, we had to discuss other issues, but I was left feeling anxious about this diagnosis, because it´s so different from what I understood OCD to be. We´re only meeting again in a couple of months, so I thought I´d come here and see if this sounds familiar to anyone? Another issue I have with this diagnosis is that, from what I understand, you necessarily need to have intrusive thoughts, and that those are like really horrible images or scenarios that come into your head, and then lead to the compulsions. I really don´t have that, at least not in a significant way. Unless the fears and beliefs I have of being “bad” could count as intrusive thoughts, I really don´t know. Sorry if there were mistakes on my spelling and grammar, English is not my first language.
