hopefull1

Thank you both dksea and oldcrazydame. I am so grateful for your thoughts. He has a psychatrist now trying to encourage a different sort of cbt (which may be erp) he doesnt want to say and i think he will try to resist this. Right now he is sending me quite hurtful messages about hiw we don't care and are " taking the Mick" just because his Dad washed his hair (3 mins) which he says makes the pipes screech and hurt his ears & should have done in the day whike he had earpugs in or whike he goes to sing in the room thats set up and he cant hear. We are honestky living like in quarantine in our living room at times. I dare not tell his dad tge 1 hour messaging I've had. I feel a little different tonight and though still found myselfjustifying why Dad had t wash his hair tgen I have gine on ti say how unreasonable he is being with these expectations in our house. I will keep trying and hope that we can undo things gradually. This is all good advice. Its me that has to be stronger now and harder because I do believe physical pain is involved as well as fear and anxiety about ear damage . He is accusing us of trying to ruin his career. I know it's wrong to try to get him.to rationalise the irrational. We are tring to find a place of peace to live in but cannot afford what he wants with an annexe even with him chipping in. I can't see how we can carry on living in a house together. He was talking of renting alone in a remote place but now does not want to waste money & we would rather have him close but with some separation if possible. Just need a lottery win unfortunately.

My son, a promising mucisian developed hyperacusis with pain following viral meningitis at 18. 3 years on the anxiety with it has increased and has been diagnosed by therapsts as OCD (fears "catching" another illness) and PTSD. It's complex because he has a genuine physical pain from sounds but been told it's alot pshychological. He took an audiologist literally who said sound is cumulative and "all" sound damages our ears. He pretty much lives in his room and increasingky avoids all noise except contradictorally can practise singing and listen to own music on very low. He communicates with me mostly by messenger asking if it is safe to go to the bathroom as it is above the kitchen & could not if one of us were to boil a kettle ir microwave. From the start because of pain we as parents made many adaptations e.g fitting a fire door to kitchen to dampen fridge vibration noise . I started to take his food upstairs & eventually it has become that I have to leave it in my room and message that we are eating so no one comes out and disturbs him. it's got so that if we make a "mistake" he gets very angry ir upset saying we have damaged him. I have been told I have made him worse with all this anwering of questions and inclined to believe. but he literally begs my help. I no longer hoover or shower (says water pipe noise hurts ) unless he is out which is pretty much just psychology appointment which he rather not go to. His Dad agreed with cbt to undo these safety measures gradually and II think its right but simply can't bear refusing so now am covering uo tge fact that I go and switch off a switch for him ( that is close to the floor & if there was a noise below it will damge/ hurt him ) etc. I am therefore colluding with him and reinforcing his fears. How do I stop ? So many more examples & know it doesnt sound so much ocd but he does do long & timed bathroom rituals & gives himself targets like must write a song a day for a month and berates himself if fails. sorry its long & seeing it written out seens even more ridiculous Desperate