Morning - I’ve had OCD since I was young, I’m now 40, so it’s been around a few years.
I wanted to share something that I do to so if anyone thinks this is part of my OCD or something different.
I’ll start by saying I have an insecure attachment style and have a deep rooted fear of abandonment.
I have this thing where I seem to often wallow in the past, think about meaningful experiences, the memories, you could call it almost a nostalgia thing. I also like to revisit places that have some meaning to me, even if it’s not necessarily a good memory of that place.
I feel like I’m punishing myself on some level. I’ve only had one short term relationship in my life so far, and although it was short, it was very intense and awoke some deep rooted attachment trauma. Even now, three years later, I still visit the area we used to hang out, walk past pubs we used to go to, etc. It’s like a compulsion. I have to do it to stop me getting anxious. Even though it wasn’t a particularly happy relationship, I still need to wallow and keep it ‘alive’ in my head.
It’s like I have these thoughts and then have to act on them by visiting these places. It’s always baffles me why I do this. I know I don’t need to, but I get a sense of relief and satisfaction from doing it, even though I’m actually making myself sad.
Anyways, I’m not sure if this is OCD related, or more specific to my insecure attachment, but I wanted to put it out there.
Thanks for reading.
Mark
