Captain Kirk

Hey folks, I can't tell you how relieved I was when I saw this topic thread on here. I am in exactly the same position where my OCD has been under control for 17 years now and due to serious extenuating circumstances has come back with a vengeance and is threatening my life balance. I have been off work for 6 months with endometrial cancer (which thank the gods is not life threatening just life altering and humbling to say the least). I am pretty much stuck in the house all day every day, my relationship with my husband has been massively impacted and has raised questions about the future of my partnership with my husband. As a form of escapism I have been reading a huge amount and have become completely obsessed and addicted to a number of fictional characters. I know they aren't real, I know the story isn't real, but I can't let it go. My every waking moment is taken up by thinking about them, I spend my days having completely ridiculous conversations "with them". I haven't been able to read another book to try and get them out of my head, I am completely obsessing about the ways in which I could change and alter my life to make meeting someone like them possible. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat, I can't concentrate on anything else. This is one of the ways my OCD presented before and I managed with help and CBT to get a handle on it but so many of my coping mechanisms aren't possible when I'm stuck at home on my own most of the time and I'm so ill. I'm so frightened about feeling how I did before and going back to the way I was. My husband had never seen this from me either so it is really difficult to explain what is happening and why, Im so embarrassed and ashamed - it's one thing to think like this when you are 17 years old but in your 30s!! I just feel so hopeless right now :(