RWB

HI, Im new hear and really just looking for advice or any help, maybe even feeling better by just talking with someone. For two years I've dealt with various mental illnesses, starting with my doc perscribing me with sertraline for depression, which backfired and made me develop Panic Disorder. They would not send me to a psychologist or diagnose me as they thought it wasn't useful to just be told what I already knew. odd. but as I made a long struggle to gain a sliver of my normal life back, panic faded but OCD tendencies became more prevalent. I have never dealt with this before and im not officially diagnosed, I don't know where to go for help and I just want to know if there is any hope I can get through this. So Ive read on here that Intrusive thoughts, checking, etc are all fairly common for OCD, but I just need some help Here are a few examples of what’s happening: - I have a fear of bats and I’m constantly feeling sensations, sharp pains, feeling of something touching me, and this causes me to feel the compulsion to check the areas around me - Can’t go outside as much because I feel an urge to check odd looking leaves that look like bats (in the dark and to a racing mind, they look like it) - It’s gotten to the point where i feel the urge to take pictures of these odd looking things I find, even in public places (if I don't, my mind will think about it for days) - when preparing food, I feel the need to reassure myself that nothing contaminated my food, (for example if a cleaning product is nearby) my mind will visualize and make a false memory of me putting it in my food. I have no idea why but it scares me because I doubt myself constantly - I fear visualizations of hurting myself or others - When on a friends balcony, had the compulsion to jump off (not because I was suicidal) just fear heights but the urge was so strong I had to go inside - sometimes a random “voice” , not external, just an inner thought appears that would never be anything I would actually say or think about. For example, a random thought appeared about “selling my soul” and I freaked out, for weeks I thought for sure now that I’ve screwed myself over and now going to hell. And this thought keeps popping up, I tell myself that this is so irrational and it is something I would never do. This scares me beyond belief. Why would this occur - I constantly have to count to 5, have to skip songs on my Spotify that mention death or killing, etc. I feel like I have lost my mind, Is this just me being stressed? I dont know what to do, any help would be appreciated