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BoldVisions

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Newcastle, UK

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  1. Thank you for your comment, PolarBear. That summation spoke to me and put it into context. I haven't thought about it that way before. It's hard to depower such a thing like OCD when the people in positions of power in your life believe it; I suppose it's cult-like in a way. I will think more about this. Thanks again.
  2. Thanks for letting me know, Handy. I did look for one but not quite sure on how to navigate this site being new. Will go have another look now :)
  3. Hi there everyone, I'm new. I'm 35 and a long time sufferer with OCD. Both my parents have it, my mother moreso. I grew up from a tot completing her rituals/experiencing the emotional, mental, verbal and physical abuse that came with it. I myself realised I had the disorder at 12 years old as well as being soaked in an OCD environment. I am currently struggling with this Covid thing, and my OCD has gotten a lot worse. It peaks and troughs, but it's getting bad. I am trying to face it and not do the compulsions to the level that I have been doing it (mostly pressure from my partner as he's getting fed up). I don't want to, but it has to stop or at least reduce. I've realised that if I remove OCD from the equasion, I don't know how to clean things properly and safely. I want to make sure I protect us from Covid, but I don't know how to do that without using ridiculous amounts of Dettol and bleach and cleaning every tiny little surface or nook for hours and then bathing, washing clothes, moping, spraying etc (only for me to never feel like it's really clean and that the clean part of the house is very easily contaminated and the whole process starts again). Basically, I don't know how to be normal. I simply do not have that template as I was never taught it and when I see other people cleaning, I think "Bloody hell, you're slapdash". It doesn't seem worth the bother as they don't see the OCD patterns of contamination. It's like, why bother if you're not going to do it properly? Does anyone else have this thought? Any advice at all?
  4. Are you insane? Absolutely not. What you're experiencing is actually a very common intrusive thought type. Because you're so disgusted by the thought of being like the people that actively do these things, your OCD has latched on to this and is bullying you with your own positive moral compass. OCD plays on the emotions, it warps and bends and uses emotions to manipulate your logical brain into thinking things that are out of character and making them seem very real. The fact that you're experiencing distress in regards to this thought - and know you are a person who has zero interest and in fact intense disgust at such behaviours - means that you're *not* like that, but your OCD is playing the doubting game with you. See it for what it is - it's just a thought. Trust that you know you haven't done this and won't do it, and give yourself persmission to relax about it best you can. Every time you get a spike of anxiety, remember it's the OCD bully picking a fight. Don't rise to the occasion. Let it flouce off unfulfilled.
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