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constantly2curious :)

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  1. Hi PolarBear, thanks for your reply. I think in part your response is right. I think I’m afraid doing the exposures with this therapist (not in general) won’t be safe, because I think ultimately I don’t fully trust them. The chemistry just isn’t there and there is a reason I have been considering seeking a new therapist for a number of sessions now, I just haven’t wanted to go back to the start of explaining all the history again which is one of the things that has stopped me from doing so. One of the key reasons for lack of trust is on two occasions being told there was no way to challenge a few items on my hierarchy due to location (they are in another country) and the fact I have had to bring up the idea of imaginal exposure and seek guidance from this site where I got ideas like photos of the location, writing down the place, etc. So I am thinking if I’ve had to do the research and come up with these types of ideas myself, how qualified are they really to help?
  2. Hi all, hope you are having an ok day. Just wondering if anyone finds they are more anxious about doing an exposure response prevention exercise with their therapist versus doing it by themselves? I have done a few solo and was able to sit with the anxiety etc and the results to date have been great. I am very driven and motivated to work through my hierarchy and have been pushing to move up the hierarchy, am aware of what is involved and was not feeling so anxious about doing that. I am due to do an exposure with my therapist this week (my first with any therapist), but I am feeling really anxious about doing it with them/in front of them (over Skype), compared to by myself. I felt less anxious considering challenging the item/s in question alone, before it was agreed to do the exposure together, than I do now. I am wondering if it is because 1. There will be someone watching me/witnessing it; 2. It is forced to be done at a set time based on the appointment time versus when I may be feeling ready at a point during the day so perhaps I feel a sense of loss of control; 3. I have been questioning whether this therapist is right for me for a few sessions now as I don’t feel like we fully gel/she understands/gets me so perhaps the trust isn’t fully there which is causing increased anxiety. I am concerned going ahead may cause more harm than good. I am also concerned because I feel PTSD may be creeping back in slightly as I have had a few flashbacks to my assault over the last few days. Would really appreciate other people’s thoughts and if anyone has experienced something similar? Cheers!
  3. Thanks dksea for your reply. I feel it is more PTSD but now everyone runs down the OCD route it’s hard to shift it. It feels like my therapist is a little stuck themselves in that they have a way they want to operate/process they feel compelled to do, so it isn’t flexing for the situation - I’m not talking about exposures specifically. Almost like they are also stuck having to do things a certain way themselves or they get an idea of what they think is my belief and don’t fully comprehend it. I don’t know how to explain it but the relationship doesn’t feel 100% right. I’ve seen other therapists for non-OCD things and it seems to flow and work a lot better. I asked in the follow up appointment about challenging things remotely and they were saying there wasn’t really a way to do it until I challenged about imaginable exposure and the images idea etc. so I’m a bit concerned that it would be a waste of time to continue down this path and may be better to push for a change in therapist. I know I tend to avoid conflict so looks like one difficult conversation ahead....
  4. Has anyone got an agenda or rough outline of how a good CBT session may go? Or a general timeline? I am aware everyone is different, every case is unique and therapy moves at varying pace. Just looking for general guidelines. I think I read that per NICE guidelines the guidance is 10 sessions (therapy hours) for mild OCD? I have done 7 sessions so far but it has felt like a lot of data pull and I have gone off and researched on my own to keep things moving and start ERP. I am going to address this in my session tomorrow so looking for some additional guidance that may help in the discussion. TIA.
  5. Thought about this suggestion a bit more and I’m getting some family to take some pictures of the area and send them to me so I can have this as one option for exposure. Thanks!
  6. Thanks Ashley. If you could ask your therapist friend that would be great. Unfortunately I can’t see the exact location of the assault using google street view or photographs - I’ve searched online and already tried. Do you know of (or your therapist friend) know of any therapists that work with/in relation to trauma and potential OCD as an outcome of that? Or know of any good resources they could recommend? If it makes any difference, I was indecently assaulted. I have seen two people many years ago closer to the time of the assault and the first one thought I had PTSD OCD resulting from the assault. I definitely have had hyper-vigilance since. After the assault I was very anxious, but I didn’t have OCD symptoms initially. Then subsequently I saw the perpetrator again and “triggered” so to speak and I guess I didn’t feel safe because I could see them again at any time, which was out of my control. I wanted to get rid of everything related to the assault and there was a process of washing involved with that so everyone subsequently jumped on it as OCD and treating that and left behind treatment for the actual trauma that I feel was the cause of the problem. For me everything has always had a link back to my assault and anything to do with the perpetrator and location of the assault. I’ve already challenged some of the remaining habits that became a part of life as an outcome of surviving 3.5 years of going back to the grounds where the assault happened (but not the specific location of the assault). Now I feel the greatest fear is triggering and feeling as bad/anxious and out of control as I did at the time of seeing the perpetrator for a second time after the assault when things got crazy (self fulfilling prophecy there potentially ). I have seen the perpetrator in the distance multiple times since (unfortunately where I am from is not a large city like London) and get instantly anxious, but it hasn’t always caused compulsive behaviour subsequently. Hence my dilemma. I want to be free of this for good and so I know it is important to challenge the location of the assault ultimately so want to make sure I am working with someone who can do this remotely given the actual location is not an option right now. Thanks for your help.
  7. Does anyone have guidance on doing an exposure experiment when it is not possible to physically expose yourself to the trigger? Are there any resources people can recommend? I am doing CBT at the moment and some of the items on my fear hierarchy relate to the location where an assault took place, but I no longer live in that country and with COVID-19 travel restrictions in place, travelling back there is not a possibility now anyway. I guess other people may face a similar challenge now for challenging their fears, for example if public transport was one and now we are advised not to use public transport unless you are an essential worker, etc. I did ask my therapist how we could tackle these items but they seemed to be drawing a blank. Hopefully they have had some ideas by our next session. Thanks!
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