OCD 1

This maybe off-topic but it's causing massive issues with my OCD. I have a narcissistic boss who continually rejects every idea or suggestion I have with no real reasoning only that it is not in his own personal agenda. This is creating such intense rumination and self doubt that I feel like I have been gaslighted and am losing control of my mind and thoughts. He has manipulated other people in my company who I considered allies before and now I feel so isolated I cannot focus or concentrate on anything with all the continuous thoughts going through my head. If I leave the job I will lose out a lot financially which will then cause even more pressure - I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on how to address this?

Hi I have been taking 50mg sertraline for 2 weeks now following taking fluoxetine for 5 months or so. It has been very mixed so far I am not sleeping well, as soon as I go to bed the intrusive thoughts come in and feels like I am losing control of my mind. I can sleep on the sofa watching TV though. I also feel overly happy at times then down. Are these part of the side effects? Unfortunately the waiting list where I am for NHS CBT is very long - I am still waiting since being assessed over 6 months ago!

Hi, thanks again yes this sounds very similar to me! Unfortunately, it seems genetics does a play a part in it, my dad also likely has OCD. I too came across it by chance wondering why I kept drinking alcohol to excess everytime I drank most usually in unfamiliar circumstances such as with people I don't know or new places. I now realise I have been doing this most of my life to get rid of the intrusive thoughts which I get more of when I am feeling anxious. The OCD then lay hidden as I was thinking perhaps I had an addiction or problem with alcohol and just couldn't handle the drink. With the lockdowns it has confirmed that I am not really an alcoholic as I can go for weeks without a drink and no urge to get drunk at all. The only urge is to have a glass of wine or 2 whilst cooking/eating the Sunday roast which weirdly seems likely a compulsion more than anything as I can only start drinking the wine at a set time of the cooking process. I also thought before everyone had these thoughts and remember asking colleagues before, do you get these urges of headbutting or punching people in meetings which they'd usually laugh off and call me a joker, however, in my mind at the meetings I was holding my hands back and thinking don't get to close otherwise I will hit them!

Hi OCDC thanks for sharing! sounds like exactly what is going on in my head for last 6 months from the moment I wake up till the I try to go to sleep ! the therapist assessed me for having OCD and gave me a an OCI score of 121 been waiting to see the therapist for CBT for 6 months as I am still not certain it's OCD! I feel your pain when you say it's draining, the doc prescribed me fluoxetine at first and now I am taking sertraline but that doesn't seem to be working! I'm in 40s now but realize I have had various obsessions and compulsions since as far back as I can remember as a child but have just got on with things hiding them from other people - is this a similar situation to your realisation of OCD?

Hi John - so much of what you say seems like what I am going through at the moment! - we also look to be of a similar age! my brain is on this continuous analysing loop, I have to rewind TV all the time as random thoughts come in continuously and then I lose focus on the TV I am watching. I also wonder if it is psychosis or schizophrenia I have and not OCD, but I am also wondering if it is potentially a combination of ADHD and OCD. I also wonder if the medication I am taking is just making things worse. I have just started sertraline so will see if that works. I too have not been able to sleep well for a while and it feels like I cannot remember how and when my brain and thoughts felt normal. Though it happened around May of this year. Whilst the pandemic has undoubtedly caused increased anxiety in general, there is now evidence that the disease is also causing neuropsychiatric complications. I have not been tested for COVID but had a few days of feeling fatigued in March I am wondering if the virus has triggered the underlying condition I have always had. I am not sure how I can overcome things as my doubting thoughts hold me back from getting help and now I am also avoiding people who are trying to help!

thanks BelAnna - this is problem I think is causing the increased anxiety for me at the moment as management at work are ramping up the pressure to do things their way and it's overwhelming me to a point I cannot do anything even though I have been the most productive at work ever over last few months with my own processes that I have in place to cope with the magical thinking OCD things.

3 months in since my "diagnosis" my brain feels like it has been on a rollercoaster ride. not sure if it was the fluoxetine or the OCD but was still getting bouts of the same obsessions, compulsions, intrusive thoughts etc and new ones. GP had upped dosage to 40mg which I am not sure if worked or not. Had a couple of holidays which seemed to help though driving long distance was quite intense at the time (continuous thoughts of crashing the car/running people over) and then on return from holiday anxiety went up massively I think from this long distance drive! Decided to stop taking the fluoxetine for the second holiday so that I could drink - the holiday was good and even though I was getting OCD thoughts whilst I was on holiday I could manage as I have previously done all my life - though now the symptoms seem to be increasing again and wondering if I should start taking the fluoxetine again as at the moment it feels like the same as on fluoxetine without some of the side effects. I don't really want to ask the GP as they will just say to take the fluoxetine again, still waiting on the NHS CBT and have access now through work, but the OCD is stopping me from getting the free work CBT! From obsessively researching OCD I believe may have an ADHD co-morbidity - I was wondering how common is this?

Hi dksea have taken both psilocybin (magic mushrooms) in Holland and ketamine in the UK. From personal experience previously without knowing I actually had OCD I think they both had profound and positive effects. Ketamine even more so when used in very small doses than psilocybin, however, taking psilocybin in a safer and more controlled environment would probably have made the effects more positive rather than wondering around the streets of Amsterdam! The ketamine experience in a small dosage kind of felt like it reset my brain. I have seen a small study for ketamine https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3799067/ which indicated positive results. Ketamine is available off label in the UK for depression and there are clinical trials ongoing for psilocybin for treatment resistant depression. They are also looking into investigating OCD & psilocybin but need funding: https://www.orchardocd.org/research/faqs-about-the-psilocybin-study/. Unfortunately I am not sure of the situation in Japan I think there is very strict drugs policy there.

Hi dksea thanks for your message. yes I am not sure if the dosage is correct as not having much effect. Does a higher dosage potentially increase side effects? I seem to have had most of the adverse events listed in the PI, though not sure if that is the OCD thinking this. I would like to look into psilocybin and potentially ketamine as some studies seem to have shown effectiveness quicker than SSRIs.

Yes a lot things need to be symmetrical and exact. sometimes this helps in my line of work though but the attention to detail and intensive pickiness probably annoys some of my colleagues a lot! I live in a permanent state of organized chaos in all parts of my life, if people decide to tidy up my things or change my systems/planning processes that really annoys me and causes distress as it takes a long time for me to reconfigure things. This distress is then further amplified when people say to me I am unorganized or messy as I know exactly where things are in the "mess" and am very organized in my own system and probably a lot more organized than them as I constantly recheck things though this does cause things to be put off!

Hi Dksea thanks for your support! yes I think I must have been hiding the OCD for a long time and just felt it was normality, however, it then reached a point where it became intense. Feeling slightly better today though but still getting these niggling thoughts a lot of the time. been on fluoxetine 20mg for 6 weeks now though still generally low mood and high anxiety, with some weird sporadic bouts of positivity and excitability

Hi forum, Hope everyone is doing well. i really appreciate your support before! I'm still struggling since my last post, continual doubting of the OCD diagnosis and checking online for answers is taking most of my day. Though can seem to function normally when absolutely required in my job, though need to build up courage and feel drained after doing these tasks. Then this leads me to constantly question that I am faking the OCD and depression. GP confirmed I had severe depression and OCD after another appointment. It also still feels like the fluoxetine is making me more anxious, am getting urges to gamble increasingly more. The lottery, luck and superstition has always been a thing for me which I think is the OCD but now getting these strong urges to gamble a lot more. I really want to unstick my brain and move on from the thoughts of the OCD diagnosis but it keeps on coming back continuously. Is this a common occurrence in OCD and are there any ways to un-stick the thoughts? I am still waiting on the CBT and am hoping this can work!

Thanks for the replies I was thinking I won't get any! it's very helpful!

Hi I am new to this forum and have recently been assessed as having OCD by a mental health practitioner, they said I had an OCI score of 121. Over the last few weeks pretty much every minute I am awake I am thinking about OCD and cannot sleep as I am constantly thinking about OCD whilst trying to sleep. I am constantly doubting I have OCD and thinking I lied in the questionnaire. I am searching online about OCD continuously and a lot of things ring true but I don't have any issue with cleaning and germs and stuff like that. My house is very messy and I live in a kind of organised chaos and get upset if people move things and throw things away. I also have issues with certain numbers and times, magpies, drains and palms. I have to do certain things otherwise I feel like something bad will happen and get thoughts of headbutting or some other violence to people when I am close to them a lot of the time. I am also wondering if it is schizophrenia or autism. I am 41 and have always had this acute attention to detail, issues with the numbers, superstition and overthinking things since I can remember but recently the COVID outbreak and big changes at work has made my brain intense with these thoughts consuming my mind. I have been prescribed fluoxetine 20mg but am also constantly thinking this has made my anxiety worse. I am on a waiting list for CBT but I am not sure if this means I have had a formal diagnosis of OCD or not, does anyone know if this is? Thanks!