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Loraheux

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    Living with OCD

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  1. Ah ok. Since you said that I guess what I did wasn't really that bad? I was suffering from compulsions and I kept confessing what I did even though I didn't have to to people for more help. You're also right my compulsions made this worse for me that's why I made this thread.
  2. Ok I'll try to. It's very hard to avoid reassurance seeking. Right now my biggest worry is that I've done something illegal. Like for the porn reddit post I clicked on neither the post nor link but a picture in the thumbnail popped up of a woman (It specifically said girls from HS also). I know this is my OCD talking but these things are taken very seriously.
  3. I sadly don't have a therapist right now. I am under a lot of stress though. I've never had to deal with OCD before like this. At the moment I'm not sure how to relieve my stress. I feel pretty awful.
  4. I'll be as honest as possible because this is difficult for me to admit to. This all started when an event happened to me that I might have over reacted to and I spiraled into a frenzy. I went through my hard drive to look at old data and files for something I specifically needed which were my old emails. I looked through all of the folders to find out if anything was inappropriate and I was freaking out the whole time. I ran into four images that disturbed me. Three of the photos were modeling shoots and one was on the beach. The one on the beach were a group of young girls huddled together for a group photo. One modeling photo was of a girl in a two piece bikini but it's a picture you'd find at Macy's or Target for modeling bikinis. The other two were probably standard modeling pictures of them just standing but it still creeped me out. I did more research to see if the pictures were illegal and they most likely aren't. They weren't inappropriate and if you did a simple Google search you'd probably find them all. What gets to me is how they got on to my hard drive. There were several other images that popped up that I know I searched for but why did these pictures of these young girls show up? I never looked this stuff up and I'm honestly assuming they're just data of other images that came up while I was browsing the internet. I've never actually downloaded these pictures. I then spiraled after that and searched up numerous cases having to do with illegal images. After that I started doing research on sexting. In my highschool sexting was never taught as something bad and we were never lectured on the dangers of it. It more then likely happened a lot in my school but no one got in trouble. While I was researching I kept typing in keywords to find more news about sexting in highschool and how other people in other schools dealt with it. (I never knew that highschool boys traded their classmates nudes and that teens could get in trouble for sexting each other). The main issue I had was that I typed in pretty suspicious search terms like "highschool" "nudes" "school" in websites like Twitter and Reddit. I never realized this until I stopped researching. From an outsiders perspective it would look like I was doing something with ill intent. I wasn't thinking it through enough. I still got to see the tweets and articles that popped up about it but I feel guilty for the search terms I typed in. It gets worse though because while I was scrolling through the posts on Reddit I saw one porn post. It came up twice while I was scrolling but I never clicked the link or post. The post said it was a link to "HS girls nudes". The woman in the thumbnail looked like a young adult or a older teenager. I was unsure if she was 18 though. Instead of reporting it however I clicked on this person who posted it. It was a porn account of some guy who posted links to numerous porn sites. Now that I typed this up it is entirely possible this girl was 18-19 years old but I still worry if she wasn't. I feel guilty for not reporting it either. After I typed up the same keywords the post was gone. The last thing I would like to talk about is the one that gets me the most. I was scrolling through Twitter and I found this horrible picture of a child. The story behind it is that an abusive mother posted it to Facebook for laughs and she got a lot of backlash for it. She was treating her child they were some type of dog. It made me almost want to puke and I was two seconds away from reporting the post. I later found that the picture was not illegal and that even news sources like Daily Mail posted it. I still hate that account for showing me that disgusting image. I feel guilty and I hate all this crude is happening to me. From an outsiders perspective I probably look guilty as well. All this nonsense started because I let my anxiety get to me instead of letting things be. I feel so stupid and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.
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