frothycoffee

Hey all hope you’re doing well! I seem to have backed myself into a corner, I’m struggling and wondered if anyone has any advice for me. For context tb and asbestos are extremely scary to me. 9 years ago I was told I would need a TB test as I’d been around my uncle yet I never got one. I have no idea why I didn’t get one as I was a kid at the time but like I said 9 years later and I’m still worrying about TB. For more context, a couple of years ago I moved into an old house. When we moved in we tried to get our electric metre moved to a different place but they refused because they didn’t want to disturb asbestos. There were always parts of this house that I was wary about. I’d have to hold my breath to open some cupboards in case there was anything nasty in the air that I could breathe in (As there are random holes in the back of the cupboards) but it didn’t get in the way of my life too much. A few months ago whilst cleaning, I scraped the wall at the back of the cooker where the wall is sort of “exposed” I guess. Immediately thoughts flooded my head that I’d disturbed asbestos so I held my breath and ran out of the kitchen and haven’t breathed in there since. I do go into the kitchen but I have to hold my breath. And then a few weeks ago i opened up a piece of flat pack furniture to build in my bathroom and as I was screwing it, pieces of dust and wood started falling off and I just remember before that my grandad said to me “do you even know what asbestos is, it’s sort of like wood” immediately I had to leave and now I’m in the same predicament in the bathroom as I am in the kitchen. Can go in there but have to hold my breath. This is extremely hard for me as you can imagine. My mum is going into these rooms, it doesn’t put my mind at ease (as tb can sit dormant in your body for 10 years) It makes me more scared of touching things she has. (That 10 year thing is what is scaring me the most because I know from experience my anxiety won’t subside for 10 years about the situation if I breathe in the rooms) Sometimes I think to myself is this ocd or am I sure I’m not just plain psychotic and need locking up. I can reason with myself a bit about the bathroom situation and the flat pack furniture but the force telling me to hold my breath is so strong that I have to. I can’t reason with myself regarding the kitchen, it has been the bane of my life for months and the only reassurance that would suffice is an air quality test. Just reading this back I am embarrassed at how pathetic my life sounds. I don’t want to admit my crazy but my therapist said to post on forums so that’s what I’m doing. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for by posting all of this, I am just tired and have no idea what to do Hope everyone has a good day and I’m sorry that you took time out of your day to actually read this

I’m glad that your dad became more understanding about the situation, it gives me hope that my mum could too. I tried to talk to her yesterday but it didn’t go too well. She is extremely stubborn and it’s such a daunting thing to do as it seems like our relationship has reached its breaking point. We’re both frustrated with one another, I’m sad that I have to be the bigger person as she’s my mum (but that’s just me wallowing in self pity I guess) but it has to be done because we live with each other. Many thanks for the encouragement!

Thank you for responding and sharing your experience. My mum has made comments similar to your dads. Maybe I too have a long way to go about understanding my OCD so that I can explain it better. Did he ever become more understanding about the situation? I agree with you about her immaturity level and of course I hate to speak bad about her, but when she feels wronged she has to retaliate and has little care for other people’s feelings when doing so. She has been invited to a session but I’m apprehensive to ask her to come. Theoretically going with her to talk in a safe environment would be great but ultimately she doesn’t believe CBT does anything and there’s probably a high possibility that she will be annoyed with me for telling them that she’s not being helpful. As it has been recommended to me again though, I might see if I can build myself up to do so. Did you do this with your dad? If so how was it? I also haven’t voiced that it’s hurting me - but you’re right, I need to start the conversation and tread carefully. Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me I really appreciate you listening and sharing

My mum takes my compulsions personally and says I treat her horribly because I won’t touch things that she has. I knew my mum coming home (she quarantined elsewhere) was going to be extremely hard to cope with because of my thoughts, and after weeks of CBT I was apprehensive, but also ready to try and tackle them. But things are hard as she hasn’t been supportive at all. I have asked her to read about ocd but she brushes it off and says she already knows what she needs to. She mocks me, says she doesn’t want to touch anything I have cause she doesn’t want to catch my crazy, I’m a freak and I need to stop being stupid. I understand that she doesn’t understand but it just hurts to know that she doesn’t want to. For me to get better I kind of need her to help or at least want to but because I haven’t done anything to help her since she has been back, I wouldn’t dare ask her to help me with anything. I had come really far with my CBT but now I am confined to my room because I don’t want to anger her anymore than my presence already does. I’m not sure what to do to be able keep myself motivated to continue my progress when the tension in the house and my anxiety is so high. Any advice would be greatly appreciated