Hi Guys
Ive had OCD since I was about 8, and I first got involved with OCDUK when it first started, seems so long ago now. I haven’t accessed any support or even considered it for a long time, because it has been copeable.
Anyway it’s there every day as we all know, just in different levels of loudness if you know what I mean. The last few months it’s really got very difficult. Things aren’t good with my husband at all and haven’t been for a while, that’s a different story but basically I can’t get out of how it is at the minute.
We were sitting outside last night with the kids and I went to shut the windows in the lounge before bedtime . Like I said I’m having a really hard time at the minute with it and as much as I know it’s pointless and looks ridiculous, I just couldn’t shut the bloody windows one time. It had to be in an even number, and then it didn’t feel right so I did it again. Probably ended up about 8 times.
Anyway I went back outside and he made some comment about it which I’m sure he thought was hilarious but it really took me by surprise and I must have looked upset, because my sons looked at me and gave me a cuddle, so I ignored what he said and went to bed.
then this morning, he had a go about it and also bcos I didn’t get dressed straight after getting out of the hot tub last night (had a towel on obvs) and said in a really nasty tone ‘it took you about 5 minutes to close those windows’.
I was a bit taken aback so just said I didn’t want to, I just couldn’t help it and felt so sad. Why does he have to be so nasty? His tone makes me so sad and I feel awful now today already. I can’t wait to go to work for a bit soon.
I know OCD is ridiculous, it makes me feel ridiculous when I listen to it. But sometimes, like at the minute, I don’t feel strong or brave enough to ignore it and I’m just finding it really hard.
Ive had CBT years ago, I know all the techniques and ways to cope with it, as we all probably do. But sometimes none of them work in my head and I just can’t cope with him using it as a way to be nasty xx
