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BF2020

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  1. Has anyone else experienced intrusive thoughts that are just totally nonsensical in nature? For instance, I looked at my son yesterday and had the thought of ‘what if I think that he’s an alien?’ I know that’s totally, totally bizarre and random, and I’ve not been able to shift the thought from my brain or the associated worry of having that thought must mean that I’m detached from reality. I can recognise all the hallmarks of OCD in this, but it’s the first time for me that the thoughts have been totally nonsensical in nature.
  2. Thanks so much for your reply, I totally agree with all of it! Part of me certainly knew even at the time that it was definitely some sort of reassurance/compulsion. Really annoyed with myself to a degree, because it’s the first time since starting ERP that I’ve cracked and done anything on the internet or self help books related to OCD. I think it’s because for some reason it felt like a backwards step, so I cracked and needed some reassurance. I’m going to be working hard from now on again not to get involved with any Googling etc.
  3. Any further thoughts on this one from anyone?
  4. Thank you so much. That actually makes me feel a lot better!
  5. Yeah, that makes sense. I guess what’s bothering me is that this wasn’t a specific exercise directed by my therapist. She just told me to try and come up with ways to ‘lose control’ and see if I would. And I was able to, which is I guess the opposite of what should have happened? I should have been able to resist doing it.
  6. Thanks very much for your reply. I think more what’s bothering me now is bizarrely not the knives, but actually the fact that I wasn’t able to stop myself putting my hand around the neck!
  7. Hi all, First time poster here. I was diagnosed with OCD a few months ago, and have been in therapy for about a month. My OCD is harm-based and primarily focuses on my children, and has been specifically around knives. My therapy has actually being going pretty well, and we’ve quite quickly graduated up to doing some fairly scary ERP exercises, such as holding a knife for 15 minutes whilst holding to my son too etc. There have been a variety of exercises like this, of varying types and length of time, without any of my worries/thoughts etc coming true. I’ve done approximately 50 of these since starting therapy. So, progress you’d have thought. My therapist has pinpointed that my OCD seems to revolve around a fear of losing control and doing something terrible, despite having no desire to do so. She therefore wanted me to test out the principle of ‘losing control’ in general, not specifically around knives. So, after I bathed my son last night I had him on my lap as usual as I was putting his pyjamas on. I had this sudden thought that I could put my hands around his neck, so I tried to make myself lose control and I was horrified to find out that I could make myself put my hand around his neck. I instantly felt absolutely terrible and then made myself do it again to see how I felt. It has absolutely haunted me ever since, and really made me lose confidence in the other exercises that I’ve done. If I can make myself lose control in that way, then why not with a knife too?!
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