Hi all,
I really need help. My wife suffers from contamination OCD and it’s taken over our lives - this was with her before Covid but things have now hit a whole new level.
It’s particularly difficult as a lot of things she does are explained away by saying ‘but I don’t want to get Covid’ - and lots of these things seem to be done by plenty of people (eg wiping down shopping or changing and showering after I’ve been to the supermarket). But there’s so many things that go beyond run of the mill Covid protection. We now can’t leave the house until she’s anti-bac wiped the front door - there are certain cupboards in the house which she sees as dirty because they contain shoes - she won’t let our boys play in the garden until she’s hosed it all down - if I need something from the shed she’ll see my clothes as dirty and won’t rest easy until I’ve showered and she’s wiped where I’ve stood etc. Over the summer I was doing some landscaping and general maintenance in the garden over the course of some weekends - each day she would insist I eat lunch outside and only come in at the end of the day and then head straight to the shower - she would then wipe down every where I’d walked.
She has now got into unhelpful habits - every evening she has to wipe down the kitchen cupboard and sides two or three times even if we’ve not left the house. She can spend an hour each evening cleaning the kitchen sides.
She’s only left the house a few times since Covid started and those were mostly to go to her mums house with our young kids (her mum has OCD tendencies but no where near like my wife’s) - my wife is always more relaxed at her mums house and never worries about the same things as she does here.
These are only a few of the ways in which she sees things as dirty. I’d be here all night if I listed everything she does in detail.
My wife tried CBT 12 months ago but it didn’t do anything for her - she’s really hesitant to try prescribed medicine.
I’ve been involved in the cleaning routines as over the years we had so many arguments about whether stuff was dirty or not. I’d say I’m a hygienic/tidy/clean individual - perhaps even more so than my wife. This is less about stuff being logically/scientifically/evidently clean - it’s about whether my wife perceives things to be clean. As I say, I mostly got involved in the cleaning routines to avoid arguments - After a while I realised that I also didn’t want her to feel like she’s alone in this. But now I feel trapped and feel like I’ve given everything I’ve got - not an hour of the day goes by where I’m not scared I’m going to be told off for touching something dirty or go out of my way to see things how she does. I’m exhausted - my wife’s exhausted. Right now for me work is tough, money’s tough, parenting is tough and lockdown is tough - but nothing in my life holds a candle to how tough dealing with OCD has become.
I’m now struggling to see that things will ever change and our family feels likes it’s falling apart.
Has anyone out there survived this?
