RubyBoo

Hi everyone I'm new to the forum but not to OCD and recently it's taken over my life. It all started a few weeks ago now with some life stresses, which then turned to worries and 'what if's' (I also have GAD) and then before I knew it I was riddled with my reoccurring OCD thought... "what if I could be become clinically depressed and kill myself?!!!" Since then, I've been consumed with the thought of suicide...ruminating day and night, googling, reading self help books, reasoning and wrestling with it, trying to make sense of it and be sure that it won't happen - all of which I know are compulsions but I feel so powerless! The anxiety, fear and sense of impending doom that this IS going to happen and that I am going to end up killing myself feels so REAL. Whilst all this has been going on in my head I've been loosing sleep, hardly eating and my mood is very low which only further fuels the fear that I am depressed (which I probably am to some extent because I'm soooooo anxious and hate feeling like this!!!!) I've spoken to my doctor and he's prescribed so antidepressants which I am about to start taking (I've always avoided them in the past so was very reluctant and have never taken any before) and have been referred back to my local mental health team. I've had CBT before (3 times in fact and all of which have touched on ERP) and I am trying to implement what I've been taught but can't get a handle on it as the threat feels so REAL and something that I can't ignore. Also I don't have any strong outward compulsions (other than googling and reading self help books) so it's very much a rumination OCD issue. Any help or advice would be so very welcome.... Thanks for reading.

Hi Everyone This is my first post after 20+ years of visiting this forum...so I'm rather late to the party! Brief history - I was diagnosed with OCD and GAD just over ten years ago now and have been struggling on and off with it ever since. I've had CBT 3 times via the NHS but have found myself in a really bad place once again in recent weeks and can feel the usual spiral taking hold. Long story short...I want to get a referral to OHSPIC. I put a call into my Doctors Surgery on Friday but felt pretty fobbed off as he pretty much implied that as I've chosen not to take meds it would put me as a disadvantage and that I wouldn't meet the funding criteria! I explained to him about the centre (which he'd never heard of!) and he said he'd take a look at it and come back to me but in the meantime I'm waiting to hear from PCLS. My question to all of you out there is where do I go from here? Has anyone had experience of treatment of OHSPIC and how long will this whole process take? I know my GP will have to apply for funding but am I likely to receive it based on my treatment history? Thanks for reading and any advice would be gratefully appreciated. RubyBoo