Hi Angst I live in Scotland,I’ve sought out help on a few occasions and everyone I have spoken to has dismissed OCD. I spoke to a psychiatrist last year who told me I may have a little bit of social anxiety even though I told her I was having suicidal thoughts and although I had no intend of doing it, it still seemed like a logical option and she never detected a little bit of depression. I mentioned about having thoughts and urges about harming people and I was told I haven’t done it before it’s my responsibility to control my actions.
I’ve had a look at the YBOCS screening that Andy recommended and I don’t know if I’m an idiot or just being awkward but I struggled with it. I found it hard to rate things such as how much of your time is occupied by obsessions. I have no idea as if I’m occupied I can be fine but if I’m watching tv I can be triggered or talking to someone or doing a simple task. Usually any intrusive thought that comes in is instantly dealt with by repeating words in my head or other behaviours. I’m also not too sure what would count as an obsession as for example if I see the number thirteen I will actively seek out the number 20. In the past I would have to do this to prevent something bad happening but currently on the main I do it out of habit. I don’t get as much anxiety or dread it’s more an inconvenience. Would I class this as an obsession although its not impacting on my daily functioning. My main issues are dealing with people, I get paranoid that people don’t like me or find me boring and can lose interest or zone out at times. I will often avoid situations such as spending time with my niece incase I get intrusive thoughts. Sometimes an intrusive thought can feel real but most of the time it’s just incase or is it worth the risk and can do behaviours because it feels I should even without an intrusive thought being there. My mind seems to be in sabotage mode most of the time I’m positive there is an issue but I don’t know what it is and what is actually affecting my daily functioning.