Scott

Yes, I think 60Mg is the standard Fluoxetine dosage for OCD. It certainly, IIRC, didn't take long for the psychiatrist to prescribe it after diagnosing me with OCD, for sure. I don't know, I just was wondering if anyone else suffered the same effects or if I'm just imagining it. There are times when I struggle to remember anything of lesser importance until I take my pills (things of great importance I never forget) PS: Anyone reading this and thinking I am slating Prozac - not the case. I probably wouldn't be alive without it. It has been a literal life-saver.

I was diagnosed with OCD (pure "O") and depression in 2004. I was prescribed 60Mg p/d back then and I have been on that dose for many years. Last September I downsized my doze (with Doctor's agreement) to 40Mg as I felt the 60Mg dose was affecting me in unwanted ways which I won't specify. However, I believe my memory and concentration wasn't as good as it was previously, and I think I felt more tired. By the end of the working day I was shattered. Wasn't sure if it was the lockdown to blame or a depression from a really awful work environment. Anyhow, reducing the dose didn't help me at all, so now I'm back on 60Mg and am sure my instant recall and memory have improved again. Is this psychological or is there any science behind this, would anyone know? Has anyone dropped their dose and went back to original dose again? Not sure if this is the right place to ask.

When I was growing up I saw some awful things. Things that never left my head. That's what OCD makes you feel though -its an anxiety disorder that feeds off your misery. You're not hopeless. You're telling yourself you are, but you're not.

Can you not find something to occupy your mind? That works for me. Reading, surfing the net (anything except the obsession of course) - video games? Video games take all your concentration and I've found they help me unwind.

Agreed. When you recognise the various obsessions you then recognise what compulsions are as well. But fulfilling the compulsion just makes you keep obsessing. Its hard though not to give in.

Well - did you think that before? If this concern has just popped up, ask yourself "Why now?" Be rational - ask yourself "out of all this time, why has this thought occurred to me now and not before?". The answer is your OCD.

OCD wasn't all bad for me. One thing that OCD does is it makes you tough. You become resilient. I was a nervous young man when diagnosed with it, I was extremely anxious. When I resumed working I was a nervous wreck and bullied by the alpha male in the office. My obsessive thoughts were running rampant at the time, it was early days. Nowadays, I'd tear that fool up and spit him out. Over the years you get used to your brain filling your head with rubbish and recognise it for what it is. There is nothing disgusting that my OCD can think of that I haven't thought of before. I still have anxiety filled evenings at times, but if I find something to occupy my mind like programming or watching a movie, that helps. You must persevere Nikki. I've lasted 17 years, I'm a different person to what I used to be. If I can overcome, or at least come to terms with OCD, I'm sure you can too.

Over the past few years I've thought I was gay, thought I was transgender, thought I fancied my mum, thought I fancied my sister. I've had awful sexual thoughts as well, that I couldn't mention on a public forum like this. I realise though that when I was young (before I was diagnosed as OCD) I had none of the above and I doubt my tastes have changed with age - what has changed is OCD flaring up as a young adult, filling my head with rubbish and doubt. I find with my OCD that when I finish with one anxiety, OCD finds me another anxiety quickly to fill the gap. It's a brain disorder filling your head with lies.

I was diagnosed with OCD in 2004. I've lived with it for 17 years, on 60mg of prozac a day. Throughout those years I've had all your thoughts, and just about everything depraved there is. I've worried I might act on some of them, but I haven't. And then I realised - OCD tells you lies. It lies to you and makes you think you want to do these things. I'm an atheist btw, I know these thoughts are from my illness, I'm not "evil" and its not a demon; its my brain not working correctly. Even if I were put in a position where I could carry out my most awful thoughts and nobody would find out, I still wouldn't do it. I realise my brain has a disorder and I'm in control. Know this: you are still in control too. That is what you must remember at all times. And you are not alone.

Hi Nellie, thanks for replying. I'm 50/50 glad and sad someone knows my position and how I'm feeling. Glad because there's someone in my position, sad because I know the **** you are going through. OCD can be awful, its just a thought-leeching anxiety machine. As I'm 50 next year I'm thinking about retirement. But when I think about retirement I think "I need to have done more in my life. I don't want to look back and feel I didn't achieve what I could have" even though, so far, my career's been alright - in spite of the OCD. But then I think I've achieved a lot in spite of this condition. As you say, I am trying to avoid risk - the risk of feeling like I'm not as intelligent or brave as I want to be. I also hate the feeling of anxiety obsessing over conflict in work; I wouldn't care about any other place to be honest. I guess it's because I can't escape the job (unless I quit). Generally my daily routine is go to work, then as soon as work's over I'll obsess about something, such as any conflicts I've had at the office , what my next job will be, death (that appears to be a favourite, but I'm not suicidal; I was having suicidal thoughts at Xmas though due to a really **** boss who almost convinced me I was stupid) , my past life (I seem to obsess about my late teens and early 20's) . I've been through it all: any obsession you can name, even the worst you can think of, I've probably worried over it. I can't get to sleep easily as when I'm in my bed I listen to my heartbeat - any skips and I am on the verge of panic. I obsess about my heart health even though I lift weights and like walking. Sometimes I wake up with a start - I was tested for sleep apnoea but nothing found, so its my anxiety to blame. So I'm being really rough on myself, I know, because knowing what I've gone through, I think if I had a weaker mind I might have taken the awful way out. I don't know, I just need someone to slap some sense into me. Your words have been helpful and I really appreciate them. It's just a constant feeling of "Your mate's a technical lead; why aren't you? Your mate's getting promoted - why not you?" and so on. And I know from reading on here there's people with much more debilitating OCD than mine so I should be thankful I guess. I just wish someone would give me a shake. I'm on a waiting list for CBT but up here in Scotland it's taking AGES to get seen.

I feel my OCD might have limited my career progression. I work as a senior software developer. I won't move into a management role because every time I cross swords with someone and I can't resolve it immediately, I will obsess about it and make myself extremely anxious. I get ideas into my head about confrontation, a fight breaking out, or just not handling the situation properly and looking bad in front of my team. Even a minor skirmish between a team member and I over something daft gets me anxious in the evening. I get really anxious that this is going to escalate, I'll get into trouble, lose my job, my career will be ruined, etc. And then the next day, more often than not, its forgotten and I got all worked up over nothing. I have had problems with some people in my past jobs and the everyday tension has been hard to deal with. I actually wished they'd try and take a swing at me so I could get it over and done with (I'm big and very well built, so they'd be the ones on the losing end) but no, its just sit there and ruminate of an evening. I was wanting to ask, does anyone know any managers or team leaders who have OCD (properly diagnosed, not what film stars say to show how perfect and attentive they are) and how do they cope with the anxiety of managing people? How do they deal with conflict? I knew some managers who wouldn't deal with conflict and they were pretty much useless. As you know, its not quite as easy as saying "That was work; I'll leave it behind when I clock off" - we can't think that way. Exercise helps, sure, but it's not a cure. Believe me my job its the only thing that takes my mind off obsessing about my past, but I feel I could do more, move further up the career ladder and realise my full potential (which makes me obsess more that I haven't achieved enough in my career.)

I'm sorry you had to leave your jobs due to anxiety. I can say you have made the right choice, choosing health over work. Never in doubt. Before I was diagnosed with OCD I hit a downward spiral of depression - I was near rock bottom and contemplating suicide. My GP prescribed me beta blockers which made everything much worse. I was suffering cold sweats, racing heartbeat, random thoughts running through my head, nightmares. I was lucky the GP immediately referred me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD prescribed me 60mg/day otherwise I might not be here now. As my then girlfriend (now wife) was working and couldn't look after me during my recovery, I moved back in with my parents. I didn't see any shame in it then and I don't see shame in it now, it is better that you are around people. Who, if they knew what OCD was like, would dare judge you? You're braver than most normal people for enduring OCD as long as you have, it takes guts. With regards to a new job, some employers, for example the public sector, are far more accommodating to people with health issues, mental or otherwise, than others. I was working with the NHS when I was first diagnosed with OCD and they bent over backwards to put me into a low stress role where I could contribute. Maybe you could consider similar? Even if you never find a job that you like, don't give up. Its chemicals in your brain, not you. My new job is a contract software developer. In the public sector, strangely enough! I didn't pick this role because it's easy (its not), I picked it because it's paying great money and it helps people in their lives. I've never been a man who gets excited about the idea of working for a bank. I am fortunate in that I can concentrate on my work, shutting out obsessive thoughts - for a while. I'm pretty sure the high dose of Prozac is helping.

Just know lostsoul that things can get better mate. You are not alone. Get the help you need. Work should not be the be-all and end-all of your life, I know money is very important but your health is the most important thing you have. People have been telling me this for the past five months! I've been in your situation and I know how you're feeling. The intensity of how you're feeling is probably different but I know what you are going through. Obsessing about failure, obsessing about the future, obsessing about everything and trying to pinpoint where things went wrong. I was diagnosed with OCD in 2003 and managed to hold down jobs since then. I've tried to avoid extremely stressful environments as even a disagreement/argument with a colleague has me obsessing all night. So that job I left, I made the right choice by quitting. My ex-boss was well-regarded in his company by others. He is what would be termed a "hero", he works long hours, I think he lives and breathes his job, something I have no energy for. I think he was frustrated I wasn't learning as fast as he wanted me to. But some of the things he said to me in our final meetings were grossly offensive to me. Our professional relationship could not continue. It's their loss, because once I learn something, I never forget it. The position I left, 3 months on, is still open. Serves them right. It took me a few months to re-calibrate myself and I expect with treatment you will get better and think more positively too. Thanks for your kind wishes. You will get another job again, its the OCD playing on your fear and amplifying them. OCD is an awful disease that can sap your confidence, don't let it. I know its easy for me to say - but I'm living with OCD and have done so for 18 years. I can say, if the people aren't nice, I'll quit again - I would have no qualms. My health is more important than any job.

Yes, I quit my last job because my boss thought I was an idiot, basically. Or that's my understanding of it, looking back I might be wrong but he was a corporate droid I couldn't work with anyway. He and I were chalk and cheese. I was extremely upset and depressed so much that I had thoughts of suicide over Xmas. My OCD was playing up so badly that I must have Googled for everyone in my past (I think that's my ritual) and obsessed about every single mistake I could remember making in my life - yes, seriously. Like you, I had recently reduced my dose, in my case from 60Mg to 40Mg. I am semi-convinced that slowed my thinking down and maybe worsened my OCD. I felt low and a failure like you do. I knew my suicidal thoughts were abnormal so went to my GP ASAP, I didn't wait. I was signed off sick by my GP in early January and referred for treatment. I didn't return to the job; my sicklines were extended as my brain couldn't handle returning to that job, that I quit at the end of March. So that's me been 5 months off, effectively. I'm a 6ft 3 man built like a tank and my old boss was short. It is important to mention this because his words reduced me to a wreck. That's the power they have, but I'm not giving anyone that power again. You'd never believe that could happen by looking at me. But it did. Any other time but lonely winter months during a pandemic I would have shrugged them off. I worried about my career prospects as well - I had to get a hold of myself (easier said than done) and immersed myself in training courses and problem solving, built my confidence back up. I start a new job tomorrow. I am apprehensive but if it doesn't pan out I won't get stressed again. I'll try and try again until I find a good fit for myself. My advice to you is to see your GP and get back on some medication. Do this ASAP. Then you need to plan how you're going to get back to what you do. That's what I did. Know this - this pandemic is an awful time for everyone. A constant period of stress and bad news. You're starting from a stressful baseline just as you wake up in the morning. So your panic attacks could be from that - or from withdrawal symptoms from your meds (been there before myself, too) If I can get back in the saddle then I am absolutely sure you can too. You are not a failure, and I'm not just saying it, it takes guts to say these things and ask for help.

Yes, I think if this was pre-pandemic, I would just have quit the first time. It would have saved my confidence I think. I don't think my boss was a bad person, I just think the way he came across was all wrong, maybe he didn't realise that people are stressed out during a pandemic lockdown. Either that or he thought I'd just sail through it. He was wrong. My anxiety over my job made my OCD worse. This is a guy who'd be online at 7AM and you'd see him working at 10PM. I can tell you by the time 5PM came I went straight to my bed and I know that's not normal. I keep thinking if I had kept my original Prozac dose I might have handled the job better. Now I'm obsessing over that as well. If someone on here who's been there could just say to me, "yes the reduced dose might have affected your concentration levels" I could probably make peace with it. I could obsess over any perceived slight to me, I'm absolutely fed up of living in the past too. I have not looked into any self-help material recently. I did, when I was first diagnosed, I bought a book called "A guide to Rational Living" which was of no use. I've lived with OCD so long it's like a part of me, I'd love to get rid of it though. I try to keep it hidden, when starting a new job (us software devs change job a lot) I only tell HR if I absolutely feel they need to know. I'll take a look at the book you recommend.