JoJo

Hi Gemma, Thank you so much for your reply.

Hi , I’m wondering if anyone is able to shed some light on something. I had a partner who I think has quite severe OCD. He has not been diagnosed, and unfortunately probably never will be, as he lives in a developing country, has no money, has not worked throughout the pandemic, has no savings, and I don’t know how to find a competent Dr or how to access services in this country, he’s also resistant. I began to wonder if he had OCD when I noticed he washes a lot, had issues turning on/off lights, had to flush the toilet dozens of times, had to press apps on my phone a particular way, counts in his head and does a hand motion when he lights a cigarette, wipes his feet on a mat in a particular way, can’t get dust in his mouth. He also does a repeating/checking thing in his speech when he is asking permission for something, “I said, is it o.k if I’m taking this money here on the cupboard?” “I’m taking this money on the cupboard – is it O.K? I’m taking this money here on the cupboard?” (he didn’t need permission). We both read a little about OCD and agreed that it sounded like he could have it. However, before I noticed the OCD, I realized he was also very, very, very jealous. He assumed that I was seeing multiple other people, began monitoring my phone, and accompanying me everywhere I went. We had some massive blow-ups about it, and it’s the reason that we have split up. At first, I actually thought he might have Jealous Delusional Disorder. I wrote to a few services to enquire how to get help, but I had no luck. Once I realized he may have OCD and we started to read about it I thought that the jealousy might be a feature of Relationship OCD? I say that because the first time it happened I reassured him that I hadn’t met someone else. I gave him my phone to check etc etc I thought it was weird, but I also thought it was a genuine mistake. After I learned about OCD and realised that you’re not supposed to enable the OCD I stopped reassuring him. After a few days/week, it would return. It was almost like he was deliberately provoking me to get a reaction so that he would be reassured (like, if I got angry enough he would feel reassured?). I could see it building up in him. It was as though he was having intrusive thoughts and then would try to ease his discomfort by starting a fight. It was exhausting. Even if I stayed calm and ignored him he would make incessant and impossible insinuations. I’m still not sure if it is OCD or if it's OCD and Jealous Delusions. I’ve only read articles that ROD manifests as being unsure about whether or not you want to be in a relationship. Has anyone ever heard of extreme jealousy as a symptom of Relationship OCD? If so, do you know of anywhere I could read a bit more about it? Thank you so much Jo