Keyboard Worrier

I do see what you mean but the problem is I need to be able to move or drive in order to start doing other things. I can't visually focus on anything for long because it causes immediate tension around my left eye/ear/head with a headache to follow, worsened by bright light or low light or motion etc. Happens every day, it's not something that's going to improve with repetition. I'd like to hope this could be solved with glasses, but I massively failed an eye test back in 2019. Couldn't keep my body still enough for the machines, and couldn't tell whether any lenses were helpful or not while in the midst of panic, which never stops no matter how long I'm with a person. Needless to say there was no improvement from that, just the typical worsening from every medical event that I attempt. I never could cope with having people in the flat (strangers or relatives) and that got progressively worse up until the pandemic where it became totally impossible. So in order to try and do another eye test now, I either need to move somewhere with more space, separate rooms, outdoor area etc to slowly work on having people in for home visits, or I need to be able to drive again to travel to a local optician. There's no way of managing something like that here. I'm technically still 'allowed' to drive, just can't physically manage it because my stomach is too weak and any motion or constant noise causes dizziness. Obviously, I've got no chance at public transport/taxis when I can't manage my own controlled motion now, let alone dealing with other people on top of that. I would, of course, like to be able to cope with bodily functions as well as other people can. But as that's been a lifelong issue, I don't know how to even begin working on it. The irony being that any attempt to work on it causes more bodily functions through the fight/flight response. I'm sure it's years of this that has now left my stomach and bowels in such a state, and possibly beyond repair. Which is logistically bad enough (preventing travel etc) but worse still for someone with a severe bodily phobia. I was told back in 2018 that my stomach problems wouldn't ever improve (by the same GP...meant to be a mental health expert but clearly no idea about bodily phobias as well as OCD!). I asked for help with managing it from a mental perspective and was just told to 'get on with it', which isn't any help at all.

I am on the housing association list but I'm a long way from the 55+ age restriction. I do check the new properties every week but realistically there's no chance of me getting what I need through the HA in my situation. I get some PIP at the moment but extra money is useless to me here. It can't remove the stairs or give me any more space etc. I hoped to use it to pay for private treatment but none of the services were willing to put reasonable adjustments in place even if I was paying... Annoying as I was asking for things like using an alternative entrance to avoid a crowded waiting room, which suddenly became not only possible, but a requirement when the pandemic started! Too late now of course, I can't even get out of the flat. I also would have benefitted hugely from access to the Motability scheme for a more suitable car a few years ago, but did not fit the criteria for that.

I was doing that as much as I could for the last decade or so but I don't have 'a day' left to get on with any more. My entire day is now spent just trying to manage my own bodily functions, which is the main thing that I never have been able to cope with. (And which OCD & agoraphobia latched onto). I can't really walk now, I can't really eat, I can't speak or manage any person face to face, I haven't been able to drive for over a year, I can't visually focus on anything for more than a few minutes, I shake too much for intricate tasks, I no longer have the strength to carry out any DIY or vehicle maintenance, even just preparing a basic meal is difficult. I live in a small upstairs studio flat with no garden and no space to store or create anything. Three years ago I pleaded with the mental team to offer me some sort of support (after being forced through three awful assessments) so that I could access the physical health services but was refused and just told I wasn't trying hard enough. Left without any support or anywhere else to try. Couple of years ago I pleaded with letting agents to help me find a more suitable property (downstairs with accessible garden at the very least) but no help was provided. In fact the opposite, I was refused several places, due to nothing but prejudice as far as I can tell. I don't see any way to make improvements where I am, I need somewhere where I could have 'a day' whether that's pottering in a garden or building Lego or repairing something etc. I still need to move but have no idea how I'd physically manage that now, even if a property became available. Last year I pleaded with the GP to help me find some way to keep driving locally as it was the final way I was 'managing' with some independence, but he offered no help at all, just covered his own backside by strongly reinforcing the fact that it was my responsibility to decide whether I was safe to continue driving...obviously that's the worst thing to say to someone with OCD! (I should add, it was worsening stomach problems and dizziness that stopped me driving, not OCD thoughts.) So now I just feel like I'm trapped in a completely impossible situation. Not all down to OCD, I'm not even sure OCD is the biggest issue in terms of daily impact, but I can't seem to find any way forward, just continually making things worse whatever I try.

Those are mental techniques rather than practical ones though. Presumably great if you have a vivid imagination, not so great for those of us with a poor imagination. Not sure I've explained that well, but I never really understood the plot of story books when younger...it's only when a film version came out that I realised what was going on! I need to be 'doing' something rather than just trying to think about something. (Still not sure I've really explained that well.) I have been trying to challenge the thinking over the past year or so but the problem I have specifically is that the things I fear DO happen every day to some extent. So there will always be an unmanageable consequence at some point during the day, just not necessarily caused by the missed compulsion. I've tried to rationalise that and separate the two things as not necessarily being linked, and I think I've been doing that fairly well, but it's barely had any impact on my overall daily life. I agree on the subject of the Asto clinic, I won't apply myself. I misread the earlier post as it being part of the of the Priory which I would have had more trust in. Though I will say that everywhere I've been so far has assessed people to cherry pick the best ones for their records. I've been refused many times at IAPT as well as various clinics as effectively being 'unhelpable'...which I understand due to multiple health issues, but it does mean I've been left with no help at all, after making myself even more unwell each time by forcing myself through the assessments, to the point where I now can't even access any assessments. But I still have to somehow get through each day with numerus physical &mental issues which are continually worsening...which doesn't seem to have been understood by any health professionals so far. I'm sure there must be many other people in the same situation as well.

Do you have any more info on this? Sounds like something I could be interested in. (I'm housebound so can't travel for treatment.) Talking back to OCD is always going to be giving it 'meaning'. That's why it's the wrong thing to do. You just need to let the thoughts flow past without giving them any meaning at all. Obviously much easier said than done. So far I've never heard of a proper practical technique for doing it either. From what I've read online it seems like some people can eventually 'just do it' but others never do seem to master it... I keep reading peoples stories in the hope of understanding why that difference occurs.

Seeing how many famous people either stopped using or never have used social media, I think this is just a part of the modern world. I do use social media, but only certain platforms. The more I see other people's ignorant and inconsiderate viewpoints, the less I want to be in the current society. I guess the question is, are you getting something positive from it? If yes, then it's worth persevering. If no, then I see no reason to purposely fill your life with other people's negativity.

I definitely got the wrong impression from your screen name.

Yes. Literally within seconds of an anxiety trigger I find all the moisture disappears from my throat and seems to end up saturating my T shirt instead... This is a fairly new symptom for me though, just the last year or two. Even ultra-fresh 72hr protection anti-perspirant doesn't seem to help.

There's no need to wait 3 months. That's been covered on here before, it's not a legal requirement. If you email Ashley or Gemma, they should be able to tell you what to say to get back on the list straight away. It might help if you can single out one specific goal to work towards with therapy, as IAPT don't seem to even attempt tackling multiple issues in my experience.

Happy Birthday!!

I haven't heard of this specifically, but our flats have had minor some 'upgrades' to signage etc recently after a fire survey. Which floor are you on? And is this a sheltered flat or is it just general needs? I can see the point of this, particularly for disabled tenants, but would not want to be trapped inside during a fire myself. I'm agoraphobic though, so can't stand being trapped anywhere, and may not be the best person to advise lol!

I started going to small festivals aged 23. Was something I always wanted to try but couldn't manage before that age with the previous home situation. Couldn't stay for long, definitely not overnight, but it gave me a bit of 'life' that I was lacking before. You don't have to drink, take drugs or have sex to enjoy festivals. (But I'm sure it probably helps lol ). I've been to several on my own. I'm wondering if you do actually want to go though, or whether it's just FOMO? Only thing I would say is do what you want to do now. Whatever that is festivals or something else entirely. Don't let the OCD hold you back as you will regret it in years to come.

I had a similar issue recently, totally unexpected so no prep time or estimated end time etc. Not fun, and has since caused more OCD/Anxiety issues after confirming how poorly I'd cope with that situation. It sounds like you had some warning for this, with the water bottles etc. So is there an end time to aim for? If you can go to a friend/relative/shop nearby for the loo that might help reduce the anxiety bit? (Wasn't possible for me due to other issues.)

I don't have any recent experience with job applications but I'm not sure they reply that quickly? Would have to give them a couple of weeks at least. Where are you based? If in England, are you currently getting Universal Credit?

The reality is, whatever you have or haven't breathed in, it's all in the past now...worrying about it now will make absolutely no difference at all. There are so many carcinogens in our every day lives that you couldn't possibly avoid all of them. I completely agree about the lack of actual 'help' within the mental services btw. The phrasing may have changed slightly, but it's still essentially 'man up & get over it'. I genuinely believe that some of us are wired differently (for want of a better phrase) and that things are generally more difficult throughout life for us, rather than being in a short term 'phase' which will eventually fade. I haven't seen any 'help' for this so far...