Hello,
Reading this, I can completely relate. And it can be exhausting having someone else dictate all these things that may seem trivial but actually form parts of your daily life and enjoyment. It can be a hard environment to relax in.
Something that’s helped me recently is putting my foot down and choosing to do things on my own so that I get that alone time to relax outside of the anxious environment, it’s not selfish at all, it’s looking after yourself. Although you might want to put energy into doing the best thing for your partner, you need to do that for you first.
Also having therapy of my own and reading to understand and learn more. It can sometimes help to remind yourself that the behaviour may be separate from the person, I started to resent my partner but realised kindness/understanding is often what’s needed.
It’s not always as easy as that though, and over time it can make you feel differently about the relationship. If the person is unwilling to accept there is a problem and want to help themselves (properly), there is only so much you can do and you have to make choices for yourself - and if that means reclaiming part of your own life back, that’s important.
You’re not alone.