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Fran

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  1. Hello, Reading this, I can completely relate. And it can be exhausting having someone else dictate all these things that may seem trivial but actually form parts of your daily life and enjoyment. It can be a hard environment to relax in. Something that’s helped me recently is putting my foot down and choosing to do things on my own so that I get that alone time to relax outside of the anxious environment, it’s not selfish at all, it’s looking after yourself. Although you might want to put energy into doing the best thing for your partner, you need to do that for you first. Also having therapy of my own and reading to understand and learn more. It can sometimes help to remind yourself that the behaviour may be separate from the person, I started to resent my partner but realised kindness/understanding is often what’s needed. It’s not always as easy as that though, and over time it can make you feel differently about the relationship. If the person is unwilling to accept there is a problem and want to help themselves (properly), there is only so much you can do and you have to make choices for yourself - and if that means reclaiming part of your own life back, that’s important. You’re not alone.
  2. Hi Gemma, Thanks for your reply. I absolutely want to work it out together. I don’t think we speak about it enough in my opinion. We tend to move things back and forth around the house without talking about it. I’m trying to live in a way that’s practical and relaxed and trying to stop myself from joining in with his compulsions, like straightening things up and making them symmetrical or checking rooms over and over and wiping light switches/handles. I’m stuck because I don’t want it to seem like I want everything my way, but I also don’t want to encourage or join in by doing it his way, does that make sense? I’ve suggested talking therapy a couple of times before but he is never open to trying it - I really think it would help the both of us but I want him to realise that rather than me pressurising. He has said before he’s done some of his own self help reading which has helped come up with some ideas to cope but that hasn’t stuck. Is there a good way to approach this? I’m personally feeling quite unhappy in this situation and wonder if it’s normal to seek help myself about it too? It gets me down daily. The relationship is hard but not something I’m willing to give up on.
  3. Thank you Gemma. It can be very difficult. Yes he has OCD. Unfortunately we have a talk about it whenever it gets worse and he doesn’t ever want to speak about it or get more help, I don’t want to push. He accepts that it’s affecting him, and us. I’m sometimes just at a point where I’m not sure what will help either of us. I’d like to help him cope and so we can be a team.
  4. Hello, I'm not sure where to start really… I’ve been with my partner for 3 and a half years, we’ve lived together for the majority of this. I never noticed his obsessive and anxious behaviour until about a year into living together (he was living at my flat). He said it was because he was unhappy living where we were and unhappy in his job. We have now moved to a house we own together and it feels like nothing has changed, although I know things can take time. I’m extremely sensitive and often get emotional at even the small things. For example we have a coat rack, and he said he couldn’t handle my coats being there and got quite angry about it. But it’s a coat rack… designed for coats and I have nowhere else to put them easily. I’m often upset as I am finding it difficult to live properly in my own house. It’s like treading on eggshells. He gets frustrated and angry if I sit on the sofa or move the cushions. I can’t relax at all. I’m met with frustration and anger if I do things my way and I hate conflict so I’m not sure what to do so we can live in peace and be happy. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
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