Saffron37
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My Mind - I need to talk to someone
Saffron37 replied to Ma29's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Are you angry at yourself or at your OCD? Because right now, you're speaking as if your pain and anxiety are caused by your normal interactions with your child. This just isn't true. Your problem is the OCD, which your anger directed at yourself only makes more powerful. After all, what is the end outcome of this line of reasoning? If you believe that your actions are genuinely the problem, the only solution is to not interact with your son ever again! Obviously, that's the last thing you want and not an acceptable solution. The crazy thing is, even if you somehow did stop interacting with your child, the OCD would just find a new topic to focus on. Imagine that: spending all this time and pain avoiding "wrong" actions with your child only to end up with an entirely new obsession! This is why trying to "solve" OCD never works. OCD anxiety just doesn't make sense. You can't win an argument with it or find an "answer" to why it's happening. The strange truth is that the obsessions and intrusive thoughts simply mean nothing at all. They are a product of a mental illness, full stop. If you treat them as if they are meaningless, they lose their power more quickly than you might imagine. You have to start fighting, Ma! Start talking back to it! I know, it's so hard, but I can see your anger, and if you direct that anger into determination into taking back your life--well, there's nothing you can't do. -
Tabboo fantasies, morphing
Saffron37 replied to Nolightleft's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I think it's pretty unfair to call someone "neurotic" and "slavish" because they are suffering from OCD and performing compulsions. OCD isn't a reflection of a person's character, it's an anxiety disorder. All sorts of people can have it. The problem here isn't "maladaptive fantasies," as he said that at times when his anxiety is low, sexual thoughts and fantasies don't bother him or interfere with his life. The issue here is how he perceives and reacts to such "fantasies." I don't think the "beauty" of the fantasies is really relevant, except I imagine it's possible that the OCD is generating more and more explicitly sexual thoughts as the anxiety and fear increases. More explicit/"dirty" thoughts might be more anxiety-provoking because they feel as if they are validating the poster's negative thoughts about himself, being a bad, filthy person, unworthy, etc etc., which of course attracts the OCD obsessions like a moth to a flame. Anyways, that's my two cents. -
Tabboo fantasies, morphing
Saffron37 replied to Nolightleft's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Not a hypocrite at all--it's just super hard to apply the things we can see so easily in others, because inside our minds the emotions are so overwhelming. But it's really great that you have insight into this situation, shows that you definitely understand OCD even if it's tough to remember for yourself. -
Hey Nora! I think that's really smart! Perhaps make a single document, copy/paste helpful responses and information (or just type it yourself) to have as a resource to refer to? It makes a lot of sense to consider whether or not that could become compulsive, but my instinct is to say that as long as you don't write/rewrite/endlessly copy or read/reread/endlessly go over the information, you should be all right.
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Tabboo fantasies, morphing
Saffron37 replied to Nolightleft's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Excellent point, FR! Maybe apply that to yourself as well? -
Let's show ourselves some empathy
Saffron37 replied to MarieJo's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Totally agree that all types of people, lovely or otherwise, get OCD! Like @Caramoole said, it's an anxiety disorder. That being said, I've definitely noticed that in a lot of already-kind people, suffering like OCD makes you suffer seems to bring out a great well of compassion and empathy. The really cool thing is that the positive changes remain but the suffering is temporary--once all of us have chucked the OCD, we're still going to have the knowledge and wisdom we gained in the experience. I in no way want to romanticize the agony of OCD, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but wanted to offer a perspective that sometimes gives me hope and motivation to keep going. Hoping all of you are enjoying your weeks -
That is so not a stupid question--it is an incredibly smart question! The cognitive part of OCD treatment--reframing my thoughts and understanding the distortions--has been a game-changer for me. Here's my advice as to where to start: https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/
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Hi friend. I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time. It's unrealistic for you to expect yourself not to have sexual thoughts or fantasies about women besides your wife. It's normal and human to do so, and frankly most people do not see it as a big deal. The problem is that your OCD is blowing up the perceived importance of the thoughts in a super distorted and dramatic way. While it's also unrealistic for your wife to expect you not to have such thoughts, you are correct that by endlessly confessing to your wife you have increased her insecurities around the issue. Please know that I do not write those words in judgment or condemnation, in fact the very opposite! Please please show yourself compassion and understand that your confessions are not a reflection of who you are, they are a side effect of a very real mental disorder. The need to perform compulsions can be so overwhelmingly blinding that they lead us to do things that we otherwise would not. I definitely have done things that I regret in pursuit of reassurance. As to what you should do now, an important question is: does your wife understand that you have OCD? Does she know that your confessions are compulsive behaviors driven by anxiety? If not, I'd greatly encourage you to discuss OCD with your wife, perhaps with the aid of a therapist or counselor. Understanding the context of your confessions may help your wife to feel less insecure, and I bet that you would feel better as well. In any event, you cannot go back and change the past. What you can do is change your behaviors now. You can stop confessing to her, you can work on limiting and then ending your compulsions. For you, for her, for your family. Are you currently getting any professional help or doing self-help for your OCD?
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My Mind - I need to talk to someone
Saffron37 replied to Ma29's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Ma, take a deep breath. Reread the last number of responses from Caramoole, Discuccsant and others. You already know exactly the answer to any question you might have about this newest trigger, because it's all exactly the same as every other you've had. Logically, objectively, do you think (not feel, think) that you really should have stopped kissing your baby? What do you think stopping it would have accomplished? What about this? -
Breast lump ocd thought help ;(
Saffron37 replied to Twinkle gem's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Hi Twinkle. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. Unfortunately, I've been where you are, and I know how painful (literally and figuratively) it is. A few things to remember: -Breast pain is almost never related to cancer. -During your period, hormonal changes causes breasts to swell, meaning that they feel lumpier than usual. -You've been poking at your breast tissue for days, so they have become very swollen and irritated, causing the lumpy texture. It's cause and effect: the more you poke and prod, the more inflamed, the lumpier. That's all that's going on. -Your doctor is not lying to you to make you feel better. That would be unbelievably immoral and they would not do that. Your doctor clearly saw that you are panicked and is ordering a scan in order to soothe your extreme anxiety. This is OCD. You know it is OCD. Take some deep breaths and calm down. Are you receiving any help for your OCD? -
Home life is aiding in the delay for recovery
Saffron37 replied to Summer9173's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Oh Summer, my friend. <hug> Nothing about your home life is normal or okay. Your mom is, I'm sorry to say, extremely abusive, so abusive that your dad took off, and you (the one who should be protected and cherished by your parents) are in the role of having to bear the entire burden and still feel like you're not doing enough. I'm so incredibly sorry. As hard as this is to accept, and as painful as it is, realize it means one thing: you are strong as hell. You can overcome anything. The OCD? It sucks, but it's nowhere near as bad as what you've had to handle your entire life. And you're only 19--you have your entire life ahead of you to find your "chosen family", as they call it, and I promise that there are many, many people out there who will treat you with love, respect and care. As to whether or not your OCD "comes from" your home life, I don't know--I suspect that at the least, it magnifies and worsens it greatly. I'm so glad you have such a wonderful therapist, and it sounds like the best way for you to reach the goal of leaving your family's toxic household is to gain more independence, which means learning to drive, being able to hold down a job, etc (with the job thing: any way you could work remotely or do something online, at least for the moment?). I wonder if your therapist also might have any ideas of resources you might tap into or ideas of how you could take steps to become independent? Even being able to save up some money might be a great first step! -
It's really tough, isn't it? I read one anecdote in Brain Lock that described a woman who was obsessed with the idea that she had left appliances on before going to work, and it got to the point where she could literally be holding the unplugged appliance in her hand, staring at it, and still feel the sense that maybe it still was on. That's the power of the distortion of OCD! If it helps, just keep in mind that every OCD sufferer essentially has to confront the same dilemma you are--that the OCD makes no sense but feels so remarkably true that it's difficult to believe otherwise. The good news is that the more you try to view your thoughts objectively (like the "Wise Counselor" and "Impartial Observer" discussed in Brain Lock), the less that distortion will affect you and the more that you will be able to see and feel the truth of things. Like others have said on here, you have to take the leap of faith that although you still feel that your OCD-related thoughts and feelings are true, you know that they are not as so will act accordingly. You can do it!!
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First off, good on you for doing some distractions! That's awesome! Now, try to differentiate between "feeling awful" and "ruminating." My suspicion is that because you were feeling awful, you felt like you had no choice but to ruminate, go over the memories, etc, etc--but the amazing truth is that rumination is a choice. It does not feel like one, believe me, I understand, but it is. Try to look at the "feeling awful" part of the equation as something that's just gonna hang around for a while, but doesn't actually mean anything beyond your OCD pulling its tricks. If you can sit with the feeling awful without ruminating--and it might take a while, and it takes practice, and that's okay--things will definitely improve. @PolarBear has a great video about stopping ruminating. Can someone point us in its direction?
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Little gifts for the community
Saffron37 replied to Saffron37's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Just wanted to bump this thread to say that the offer of self-help materials is still very much open. Please DM me if you'd like to take me up on it! -
I know you feel horrible, and I'm so sorry. Get up and get going anyways--I promise, it will help. Lying in bed will drag you down further--I've been there too many times. You know the way you feel compassion for all of us on the forums? I've seen your posts on other threads and they're always so kind and encouraging. Try to remember that you're in the very same boat as the rest of us, and direct a little bit of that compassion and love to yourself as well. I believe in you.
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I’m really proud of you for trying, Cora! One thing that might be important to keep in mind is that feeling worse does not equate to something is wrong. In fact, feeling worse in the short term is really inevitable as you start to perform exposures and refrain from compulsions. That does not mean that you are going in the wrong direction, rather the opposite! Please don’t give up!
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Worried I might be pregnant
Saffron37 replied to Summer9173's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I don't think that's how it works.... -
Worried I might be pregnant
Saffron37 replied to Summer9173's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Hey Summer, glad to hear that your fears are relieved! Have you considered a form of birth control like an IUD? I have a copper IUD and it's absolutely great, extremely effective. Also non-hormonal, so none of those side effects. Perhaps that would give some comfort? -
Suicidal, swore on sons life
Saffron37 replied to Nolightleft's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
This is a pretty weird viewpoint for your wife to have, no disrespect intended. Sexual fantasies and attraction to those who aren't your spouse is not only natural, it's inevitable. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain, but please try to remember that most people would find your wife's viewpoint to be extreme and unrealistic. -
My Mind - I need to talk to someone
Saffron37 replied to Ma29's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Have you taken a look at Brain Lock yet, Ma? I think reading the introduction, which is really very short, would be a great thing. I'm really sorry you're in so much pain. -
Hey everybody! I thought it might be nice to start a thread where we all post whatever helps us distract from OCD/anxiety and generally feel nice. I tend to go for light, entertaining, feel-good types of things. Recommendations: The Dodo youtube channel, lots of wonderful and heartwarming videos about animals and their humans. One of my favorites: I also really enjoy the programs RuPaul's Drag Race, The Good Place, Ted Lasso, Great British Baking show, and a lot more. How about everyone else?
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That's super awesome Northpaul! I agree that celebrating victories is so important--what may seem small from the outside is really not so small at all. Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
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My Mind - I need to talk to someone
Saffron37 replied to Ma29's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Because now you know that what is going on is a mental disorder, OCD. You are logically aware that as painful as it is, it's not accurate. Stop talking to yourself this way, please! The more you tell yourself these definitive statement ("I know they're bad," "I shouldn't be doing them") that you're aware logically are false, the more you're programming your brain to think and act that way.