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RyRy

Bulletin Board User
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Everything posted by RyRy

  1. HI, I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist that I've been seeing for the past few months. However, I often wonder, how do I decipher between what has actually happened (and its severity and impact on others) vs what I think has actually happened. I had a spell of over-drinking to the point of blacking out in order to mask my social anxiety and OCD. I remember parts of what I have done while drinking but sometimes I don't remember. There are things that I do remember that I deeply regret and my mind keeps on reminding me of these moments constantly. When I look back on things that I've done, I feel an immense amount of guilt and regret. I tend to look back on things i've done in the past and only focus on the negative. I often wonder how much grace and mercy I should give myself even though I know I have done bad things. My therapist says that I should focus on the meaning that I am attaching to these scenarios or instances, but if I always lessen the meaning (and thus the level of guilt) then am I just letting myself off the hook too easily? How will I ever be accountable for my actions? I'm so tired of the mental back and forth because it doesn't go away. What would you suggest? Should I try to reach out to the people I believe I have hurt or is that insensitive just to free me from my own actions? How do you decipher what is the OCD and what is real or has actually happened?
  2. Hello! I have been diagnosed with OCD / depression and have been medicated for such for a few months now. Initially I had been seen by therapists for social anxiety/anxiety although it was said that I don't seem very anxious. I'm just curious if anyone else has problems with compulsively thinking that something is wrong with them mentally outside of OCD like they may be a psychopath or have a worse mental health condition? Sometimes I find myself googling symptoms and other disorders but then I feel like if I google these symptoms etc then im more inclined to act them out or obsess about some aspects of my life that may connect with a particular symptom etc. Also i'm a bit worried that if i just say to myself, "oh that's just my ocd", its not that bad or it's just my ocd then when is there space to make positive changes? Like self compassion is nice but also how do you motivate yourself to actually change or know what is your ocd or what is actually going on? I'm worried about how i'm affecting people around me and don't want to just push the worries away. i can't help but think that living with OCD if it is OCD will be there for the rest of my life because it's exhausting.
  3. Thank you so much for such a detailed response. Thank you for all of the resources! Will take a look at them. It's strange because I wasn't always shy around people but just new people in particular and only in certain settings. Yeah I realize that the sexual thoughts come up in situations where I don't want them to or just random thoughts in general and I tend to loose track of what I'm saying for sure. I like the idea of thinking about it as someone else butting into the conversation and just continue going although I then start to worry that someone thinks I'm weird or a bad conversationalist etc.
  4. Thank you so much for your response. It is helpful to hear from someone who has experience with this. I appreciate you.
  5. Hi! I'm writing because I've recently been diagnosed with OCD and have a tendency to doubt that I have OCD. I've told my therapist about the fact that I doubt that he has correctly diagnosed me and he said the more I continue to doubt things, the less I will be able to cope. I often have moments of looking back on things I've done in the past and really feeling a lot of guilt about them and then I try to make myself feel better about them. I remember as a child I was very anxious around people that I did not know well and would often remain silent out of the fear of saying something wrong. I look back on this behavior and often think it's a sign that I am a psychopath or narcissist. I feel very strange about talking to people now and feel like I avoid most things. I've also had problems working with teams because I think I have a big fear of crisitism and people in authority. I tend to be pretty caught up in my head and sometimes get paranoid that people are watching me because of all the bad things that i've done in the past. I have a few questions for the community: 1. Did you initially doubt the you had OCD when you were diagnosed ? (For context if it helps I think I more so have pure OCD than anything else. Sometimes I do compulsions of mental checking or hair twirling) 2. Were you pretty quite as a kid and do you often have social anxiety because of what you're going through? 3. What were some things that initially helped when you were diagnosed? 4. Do you often find it hard to have conversations because your thoughts are clouding your mind? I'm sure I'll be back to ask more questions but these are just a start really. Thank you in advance for any advice or help.
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