HI, I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist that I've been seeing for the past few months. However, I often wonder, how do I decipher between what has actually happened (and its severity and impact on others) vs what I think has actually happened. I had a spell of over-drinking to the point of blacking out in order to mask my social anxiety and OCD. I remember parts of what I have done while drinking but sometimes I don't remember. There are things that I do remember that I deeply regret and my mind keeps on reminding me of these moments constantly.
When I look back on things that I've done, I feel an immense amount of guilt and regret. I tend to look back on things i've done in the past and only focus on the negative. I often wonder how much grace and mercy I should give myself even though I know I have done bad things. My therapist says that I should focus on the meaning that I am attaching to these scenarios or instances, but if I always lessen the meaning (and thus the level of guilt) then am I just letting myself off the hook too easily? How will I ever be accountable for my actions?
I'm so tired of the mental back and forth because it doesn't go away. What would you suggest? Should I try to reach out to the people I believe I have hurt or is that insensitive just to free me from my own actions? How do you decipher what is the OCD and what is real or has actually happened?