Hi,
I'm 35 and had OCD for as long as I can remember, I have never sought help as my compulsions managed it, albeit frustrating at times, I just got on with it, when I am around nice people and happy I don't really do it but when I am on my own that's when I get stuck doing things.
Basically if I think of a person I don't like I feel like their ugliness or if they have a disease then that will stay on me so I will have to repeat whatever action I was doing at the time whilst thinking of someone or something nice to override it.
It has gotten worse these past few months and now I do it at work too not just at home, I have to do things 5 times but I have to do that multiple times as the 'unfavourable people' I think of just pop into my head so for example I will open and shut doors multiple times, retrace my steps, hold my breath sometimes when I do these things, getting changed is also a nightmare, basically anything I do I have to repeat but I'm finding it harder to think of nice things, I have tried to just carry on and not do the compulsions but I get this awful ancey feeling like I need a wee.
I am pregnant and I am even saying things to myself to try and stop the repeating like 'right if I dont do this in one go then my baby will die' but then i csnt do the action in one go so it carries on until i can, each action gets bigger than before so i can encompass all i did before to override the bad action,it's really horrible now, I'm trying to change my wording to "if I do this in one go then my baby will be healthy" but its exhausting and I say other things to and I'm worried that me saying these things is also calling it in from the universe. I am exhausted as it takes me ages just to do simple things.
I have referred myself with the nhs but awaiting help so I am just wondering what has helped people mostly? Reading literature? CBT course? Medication? (I told the doctor I didn't want medication especially because I'm pregnant)
I am Interested which avenue to try to pursue as I can't understand how I can just ignore the thoughts or compulsions as I have tried and it just seems crazy and makes me feel physically weird but I am exhausted. Sorry for the long post!
