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About pinkfrog24

  • Birthday 11/10/1983

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD

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    Drawing illustrations and in final year of university and being creative and unique
  1. Hi Nik Thanks so much for understanding and giving me great advice. Bet its tough for you too with uni and can't believe your in the same predicament, lol. how have you been handling it? with my degree it is all based on creativity within illustration and thats so hard to force when dealing with this. i just keep drawing even though its bad lol. I hope your degree goes amazing and thanks so much for taking the time to read this. xxx
  2. Been there too years ago and thought I was in another world etc, every think felt surreal and would say and o bizarre things. It was caused by my intrusive thoughts and the constant high anxiety I felt. It's horrible but it gets better with treatment. I have had flare ups since but they subside quite quickly as I'm more able to deal with them now and know what they are. Xxx
  3. Hi everyone I never really comment but am always reading and inspired by all of you. You help me whenever I feel so alone with this illness. I'm struggling at the moment with ruminations and guilt etc ocd and depression as I'm leaving Uni in less than 2 months and I'm on a thread due to the pressure and stress. I am struggling everyday o get up and shower and have constant negative thoughts which I try and fight. I struggle to see people as one experience recently has set me back. I went out with Uni friends for first time ever and had a fab night out but it resulted in the next day feeling guilty with panic attacks that I had been too flirty. I seeking reassurance ( I know bad) told my boyfriend who was amazing ( as he knows my illness). Anywho it set me back and just feel like a constant failure all the time. I am trying to force myself daily yo get up but I'm not being productive with my work and the lecturers expect the best from me. I'm just tired of fighting as I'm 29 and had this since I was a little girl. I have fought to get to Uni through therapy and now dread leaving and being a failure. Plus we are looking at houses which is amazing but how the hell am I gonna be able to make money. Anywho thanks for letting me rant to people that really understand. Xxx
  4. Thanks everyone and trying to piece my life back again after all this mess. My thoughts have got worse and i'm starting to believe them again which i haven't for years. I feel like i'm being punished for what i have done and it's making me doubt ocd altogether and i know that thats o.c.d for ya but when does this nightmare end. Well i had to postpone my studies til january and i'm in a new relationship but feel like it's the worse thing for me but i genuinely really like him and he has been so sweet. I'm a very confused girl and feel helpless at the moment and miss the reasurance of my crazy ex who knew all my horrendous thoughts and it made me feel so calm and relaxed to know i wasn't judged. I know the main triggers for this is starting a new relationship as it has brought up things that i haven't obsessed about for years and i'm crumbling but am still fighting inside. Oh and yes the depression makes me feel sick and physical pain with the anxiety and panic attacks on top of that. Oh well another dark period to break out of lol......if you don't laugh you cry xxx
  5. Hi everyone I haven't been on this site in sooo long but need to vent out and get support again. I have had ocd and horrible intrusive thoughts ever since i was little and have fought through the years to get to a normal state of life again but now i feel it crumbling again. My long term relationship ended after 8 years as he ended it and then went on to harrass and torture me with horrible phone calls and stuff and while all this was going on i had a deadline before christmas for my uni work. I did it and got amazing grades and then started to try and get my life back together again. When i returned to uni i started dating someone new and that triggered all of my old ocd thoughts that i had previously controlled to an extent. I couldn't focus or do anything but tried to get a grip and do my work. Then after a few weeks i fell madly in love with him and got my heartbroken again. All this happened within 4 months 2 heartbreaks, police calls about my ex and stress at uni. I feel like i'm falling apart and my ocd has got so bad that i'm anxious about going to uni again. I also have depression now but haven't seeked help from my doctor and need to quickly get notes together to get an extention on my work. I feel like i'm being pressured to get better by friends and family as they don't want me to lose my dream of succeeding as an illustrator at uni. I honestly feel at a loss.....I can't concentrate on work or do the most normal of things but know i need to as the clock is ticking. I'm so depressed and my thoughts are telling me i don't deserve any happiness because i have these horrendous thoughts about things i might have done. I'm at the end of my second year at uni but haven't been in for about a month and it's killing me that i could lose everything again. I'm heartbroken, depressed with o.c.d going crazy and feel like i'm just gonna crack. Well i've ranted but how do i do this......I mean i feel so ill all the time and the pressure and stress is killing me. Thanks for listening xxxxxxxxx
  6. Your sweet thanks for all your comments. I am supposed to see a psychiatrist soon but i don't really trust them as they have let me down in the past. I just wish i was normal. The saddest thing is that i could never have any children. Because all children freak me out and it scares me just seeing them sometimes. I know i would be an amazing mum but i could never be that selfish so i bury all of that heartbreak cus its too painful to think of. I tell my friends i don't want kids and my boyfriend of 5 years says he would rather have me than have children. Sometimes i imagine being a mum and holding my child and it makes me feel amazing but it never can be. (i'm getting teary) luv tre
  7. I know what u are saying is right but my thoughts have changed where as before i kinda knew they were o.c.d now they look and seem real memories. I have been concentrating on the thoughts aswell and doing some of my own c.b.t methods on them but i still feel the same. I'm terrified and feel selfish like i'm too scared to confess to the police. My mum was getting angry with me today about it because she knows she can't help me. I still don't feel reasured or anything its just there in my head 24/7.
  8. It can't be just a thought i remember it i'm sure. I mean i don't remember the date or year it happenend but who can if it took years to come out of me. Dosn't mean its not real. But the thought/memory is too strong not to be real. Maybe through all this med change the real me has come to light and something needs to be done. No one can say its not real so i will take it as real. Maybe my head couldn't deal with what i had done so blocked it out for years and then gradually showd me the light who knows?
  9. I have alot of support from my boyfriend family and frends. They all know about my o.c.d and are awesome about about it
  10. yeah ive had cbt about 4 times over the years and seen many psychologists but it dosn't work anymore
  11. They think its all o.c.d as i have suffered with this for years. They think i would never do anything like that and it makes me sick to think about it
  12. over the past few months i believe that i have sexually abused my brother. I have had these thoughts for years but they seem too real for just thoughts. I am thinking about going to the police but my boyfriend and mum just say i'm really ill. Ive been messed around with 3 different medications over the last few months and they have put me back on my origional meds paroxetine. I don't know what to do but i need to be punished for what i have done. I feel sick all the time and hate myself, i just want to die if this is true. please help
  13. i am exactly the same and ive dealt with it for years. Its **** i know. For years now i have barricaded my door with chairs, coat hangers and if i don't i won't trust myself to sleep. It's exhausting but through therapy and positive small steps u can get to a place where u get used to it (well in a way) anywho wish u all the best in the world xxx pinkfrog xxx
  14. i wish i had never started my new treatment. I'm a thousand times worse than before and it took me years to get there. now i feel i'm back at square one these thoughts or memories seem too real more real than ever and it's scaring me cus if they were true i couldn't live
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