benjamin

You can never be 100% sure you are not gay, I am not saying you are gay and it is unlikely you are but OCD demands 100% certainty, when we have to settle with 99.9% certainty.

My OCD rituals have lessened a lot in recent months. I have had it since I was about 15 or 16 in the 1990s. I mentioned in my previous posts that I found out that quite an old documentary that I saw a while ago on TV which made me have a major spike is available for viewing in a library in London. It made me think that next time I am in London I may go and view it again, thus making me anxious and wrecking my trip. I did initially think it may be good to expose myself to the spike and I may feel better. But I know that what I would be doing is a compulsion not exposure. I may feel temporary relief but then the nasty thoughts would return again and I would be back to square one. That is why I shall not give in if ever I am in London again by going to see it. I should not really have done some research online in the first place and found out that it is available in London. As the research can heighten the anxiety alone.

Do not let the thoughts have any influence. I was talking about a compulsion I was planning to do when I, silly me for doing so, did some online research into a documentary that caused me a major OCD spike when I watched it some years ago. There is a copy available in a London library for free viewing. It made me feel a bit sick as it made me want to go and view it again when I plan my next trip to London, but have been advised to stay away, as viewing the doc again is a compulsion. So when in London i shall enjoy myself and not scurry around pandering to my OCD and thus risking the strong possibility of being taken back to square one.

Yes, good advice. I shall keep well away from the library, and be busy doing other things which I have planned. As you say going to view the documentary will be a compulsion, reassurance seeking, and could set me back to Square 1 again.

I had sought advice from parents and they say do not do it. They say it probably will heighten the anxiety and OCD even more, and it can be seen as a compulsion if I was to do it. I want to go to London to enjoy myself, not let OCD ruin it. Let the thoughts be there but do not pay them any attention.

I may be going to London soon for a day or two, but instead of looking forward to it I am a bit anxious about it. I will be OK with London itself, but there was a documentary I watched years ago which made me have a spike in my OCD. I was thinking briefly about it recently and then, silly me, did some research online and found out the documentary is available to view at a certain public London library. It has not helped my OCD. It is making me tempted to go and view the documentary again, to see the part that made me spike. I keep thinking "I need to do this for exposure" but also am thinking at the same time if it will only make me feel better for a short time then/or just stir up all the horrible thoughts again and make them strong again, and take me back to Square One? Should I let the temptation thought itself be there, but just do not pay it any attention?

Thanks for the reply Howard. It is good to do things around the house and it shows my relative is wrong in what he says. In regards to the film, well I have not gone back to watch the scene again, and if I get the thoughts again I shall let them be there but just do not pay them any attention, and in the end it will go.

I have been thinking about my life recently. I once had a good job, it was long hours and such but I got made redundant some years ago and have been unemployed for a long time. But I do more round the house now, which makes me feel productive. But a few years ago my cousin thought I just sat on my backside a lot of the time. I have been ruminating over this phrase a lot lately, it could be my OCD latching onto it. But he does not live with me and does not know I help run the house by doing hoovering, cleaning, cooking, gardening and other everyday stuff. There will be some days where there is nothing to do once the housework is done but that is certainly not every day. Also I saw something in a movie recently that gave me a spike regarding my harm OCD. I get thoughts that if I watch the scene again it is exposure, but I have previously given in to such thoughts in the past and it just made me want to check it again shortly afterwards. I have since learned to let the temptation be there but not give into it, and it will subside, even if it may take some time.

Mum also told me to throw away any photos of a short term ex gf as I kept thinking about her and looking at a photo I had of of her after we split. For a time I wished I had not chucked the photo but soon afterwards the wish went and I moved on.

One time when I was 27 I saw a picture of someone aged 25 in a magazine and they looked attractive, but the OCD latched onto it, and told me I am not just bisexual but 100% homosexual. For days I thought about this man and it made me feel sick and affected my work at the time. I felt like going back to the shop one more time and looking at the photo of the man again but my mum told me not to as that is a compulsion. She said to leave alone and eventually the thoughts and desire to look at the photo again will decrease. And after a few days they did.

4 years ago I started a thread about being worried about contacting an old friend on Facebook. I was not sure about doing so, as even though he had been nasty at times, I was tempted to contact him and for weeks the temptation did not go away. Not sure if it is necessarily OCD in this sense, but I was obsessing over it. Worried about rejection. Then I saw him across the road a short time later (he never saw me AFAIK) and the fact I never went up to him to say "hi" sort of relieved me of the anxiety, as I had an opportunity to reconnect that day, but was too nervous to, and I felt happier, it made me think he was not that important to get back in touch with. But a few weeks ago after 4 years, the obsessions came back and the temptations to contact him. I felt sick so in the end I felt the only way to be free of it is to send him a quick PM on FB, and if he decided not to bother answering, that at least I would know. Well he answered, and must have seemed delighted to hear from me.

I know this is a 4 year old thread but I have decided to throw down the gauntlet (in terms of the temptation and finally confront the temptation) and send him a quick message to say "Hi hows things?". The temptation came back recently and I thought the exposure is to just message him and see what happens. At least I will know now if he decides to or not to reply. I feel the only way to move on from the temptation is to do something about it so I just sent a quick hello message.

Power just enhances a bad personality as opposed to creates one. I know toxic people without power as well as with power. I think the company owners/directors often like to put the most inept people in positions of power.

Dont worry, revenge is not my style. With my OCD I worry about harming people. I have not seen the former boss for years. I do ruminate over it a lot. I do research to see how people's mind works. I always thought that constantly obsessing over toxic people you knew from years ago was related to OCD in a sense.

Read the OP. It has everything to do with OCD.