OCDLONELY

Hi guys. Not been here in a long time but OCD is still stealing every bit of life away from me to the point I'm so close to giving up. Been ill since 14 and I'm 44 now all I do all day is worry and clean and check and ruminate. My OCD is predominantly about cleanliness but as I'm fairly intelligent I know it's more to do with the feeling of disgust when I think something is dirty or dangerous and I know it can't really hurt me but at that moment it's the only truth. I try to fight it and expose myself and sometimes it helps but there is always a part of me that needs to fix it all so I'm safe and I know doing that will strengthen the ocd but how do I stop and what if when I do I cant make it better and lose my mind and just have to end it all? Dramatic I know but that's my fear.

Wanted to share with you a poem I wrote yesterday about OCD. If you could see my OCD by Daniel Townsend If you could see my OCD All of the pain it causes me How everything it manipulates And how much of my life it takes The terror it causes me to feel The guilt of something I might or may do Never knowing if a thought is true Or if that thought could make me do The things I fear the most to say Would you want to feel that way? The checking, the counting the incessant thoughts The little voice inside my head that I cannot distort The loneliness, the embarrassment the feeling of being on view Being laughed at and mocked for the things I can't help but do The feeling I need to hide away And the thought this pain will never go away All of this you would think and see If you could see my OCD

Sounds like OCD to me. You need to seek help because at this early stage you could get so much better and not let it spoil your life. You are so young but exam stresses can effect you and if you do indeed have OCD it will feed on that. Its great a teacher knows and wants you to get help. Its nothing to be ashamed of or hide from but you can't fight it alone. I hope you can seek some help. Good luck with your exams! All the best Dan

Eden that so called therapist should be stuck off how dare they treat you in such a way. There are some amazing professionals out there but sadly there will be awful ones too like in life in general. I hope you see someone much better now?

Thank you Gill! If you ever want to talk please inbox me anytime!I hope the same for you. Take care Dan

Really hope the appointment helps. OCD messes with our thoughts, our beliefs and even our memories. Let us know how you get on. Good luck Dan

Thank you for all the replies. Tricia its always good to see you on here and hear from you anytime and I really do hope I can meet a wonderful girl who would want me and love me for me. Daisy thank you that's so nice of you. I hope you're well?

Hey Everyone! I'm Dan and I have not been here in some time. I have been through so many ups and downs the past 5 years I don't know how to get back on track. Had two awful relationships in which I was treated terribly and whats worse the last one was by somebody who wasn't who they said they were and kept me waiting and hoping for 3 years and always had some excuse as to why she can't come to see me or me go to see her or even give me her address. I don't want to lose trust in people but its so hard after this. I have no friends locally and haven't since I was 14 and I'm 37 later this year. I just want friends I can meet and have fun with and dream of meeting someone who will love me for me regardless of my past and my illnesses. I also suffer from depression and have ME and have also had anorexia and BDD. How can I move forward? How do you make friends and meet people? Just feel I'll always be alone. Sorry to go on. I really hope everyone here is doing ok and if not getting support and love through tough times. Take care

Hi Lisa I'm so sorry you are feeling so low and lost. I too get caught up in my thoughts and can't enjoy anything well atleast not fully. I have so many rituals and compulsions and when I seem to overcome one or atleast reduce its affect on me another one takes its place. I too feel let down by mental health teams but don't give up seeking help as you deserve it and need it. I hate to hear you cut yourself and wish I could help you more. I'm sorry you have thoughts of ending it all. When we feel like this we don't really want to die we just want to be able to live a normal happy and healthy life. If you ever want to talk I'll be happy to listen. Take care. Daniel

Hi Jelly I haven't been on this forum for a long time but just found your post and wanted to say something. I'm so sorry you feel so scared all the time and consumed with all these feelings. I too have contamination fears but also many other forms of ocd but the fear of germs and contamination pretty much take over most of the time. I can't touch anyone or touch things other people have touched and if I do like you my mind will search out for the point where I realise something happened or contaminated it and the fear spirals. Its like I'm always searching for the worse possible conclusion. I'm so sorry your crying and feel so scared and I can understand your fear of going back to school. I hope you will be o.k. Take care

I am being offered a place at the Maudsley hospital. I don't know if I will accept it yet and wanted to know if anyone has been there and what their experience was like and did the treatment work. I'm really scared about it but it might be my last chance of beating this illness. I'm so low at the moment I really don't know what to do.

I'm feeling so low at the moment I don't know what to do. I'm scared by my fears and things just seem to get worse by the minute. I don't do anything but sit on my chair watching tv and worrying. I've been told that there may be a place for me at the priory in London and I'm scared but I'm also scared of things staying the way they are or getting worse. I wish I could see things will get better but I don't believe they will. I'm so lonely too. I have my family but they don't understand. I wish I knew what to do now.

I haven't posted here for some time because things just aren't going well for me. I have started cbt but all it seems to intail is me going out of the house and facing things that scare me and I just seem to be numb because I'm not feeling any benefit of it at all. All I do all day is sit and worry about all my fears and rituals. I'm also concerned that my consultant wants to put me on lithium and has talked about shock therapy which I really don't want to do. I just feel so low and so trapped too.

I've just started CBT and I'm a bit scared. I have been made to do things that scare me and I'm worried that if I do too much things will just worse. I've been told the only way to fight the ocd is by doing and facing what scares me so much. Things are going to get worse before they get better but what if they don't ? Anyone else getting cbt at the moment ?

I'm so low at the moment I don't know what to do. I'm so anxious all the time. I don't get a moment of peace. I can't concentrate enough to do anything to keep me busy and away from all my fears. What scares me most is its getting worse. I have no life really. I have no friends have never had a girlfriend. I'm nearly 29 and have nothing to show for it. The day just keep passing and I'm stuck here on my own alone.