Sarahb

Hi Smile, Sorry you are feeling low again and not motivated at the moment. You have been doing such great voluntary work at the school. Does that not give you any motivation or purpose? You have been doing really great. Please hang in there. All you can do is try your best and please don't feel guilty. Take care, Sarah

Thanks Catherine and Jamie :original: I don't know how long I can go on feeling like this. It has been months now. Nothing seems to interest me anymore and I never want to leave the house. I only go out when I have to. I don't know what would help me get through this. I don't really know what the root cause is. I just hurt all the time and feel so down. Sarah xx

I am not too good with words and have therefore used a poem I wrote yesterday to explain; So confused. Am I better? Is this nightmare over? Mixed signals. Words not spoken. No explanation. Left alone. What now? Chest tightens. Heavy sweat. Fear has hold. Lost. I haven't seen my social worker for 2 weeks now and don't know when I will be seeing her again. My therapist has decided that she can do no more for me. My social worker says I have 'low mood' and not depression and hasn't even mentioned my ocd. The poem explains how I feel. SH and thoughts about running away or worse have entered my head again. I don't feel I have anyone to tell anymore, what with my therapist giving up on me and not seeing my social worker. Sarah

Hi Sweetie, I agree with Smile. You need to talk to someone about it. Someone you trust or a professional. Don't keep this to yourself and keep talking on the forum. You need to make people around you aware of how you feel, so that they can be there for you and support you. Hang in there :hug: Sarah xx

Confused So confused. Am I better? Is my nightmare over? Mixed signals. Words not spoken. No explanation. Left alone What now? Chest tightens. Heavy sweat. Fear has hold. Lost. Sarah

Hi Minnie, Yes she knows. I think she is past worrying about it now. Sarah

Thanks Biccy and Autumn. I am so confused. My therapist says she no longer needs to see me and I am now seeing a social worker. If I am not depressed and may not have OCD, should I still be on my anti-depressants? I am not this strong person people think I am and I feel that sometimes I am pushed too hard, too fast. The SH has started again, even though I have been trying really hard to stop it. Only way of release. Sarah

Oh honey, you are not evil. It is the OCD talking. We can't help the things that pop into our head. Please be reassured that it is the OCD and not you. Thinking of you. Sarah

I can't go on like this anymore. I feel like I am acting the whole time. Putting on a happy face and saying that I wil try and do all the tasks I am set by my social worker and mother-in-law. I am scared that my mask will crack soon and I will have a break down or something. What is wrong with curling up in the corner and hiding and not pretending everythings fine? 10 positive things task - found 4. getting on a bus - not if I can help it. I do want to try, but I feel like I am doing it for everyone else and not me. To make them happy. I don't want to annoy or upset anyone and I know this post will do just that. But at the same time this is how I feel and I can't help the way I feel. I have nobody else I can share it with. I am sorry in advance. Sarah

Hi All, I am really worrying about whether I have OCD/anxiety/depression. Caramoole, I know you said don't worry, but I can't get it out of my head. I am due to be assessed again for benefits in January, by DWP and I won't know what to put on the form. I don't want to lie to them. I like my voluntary work at the school, but I don't want to rush permanent work, until I know I won't fail and mess up. The social worker on Thursday said I suffered from low mood and low self esteem, but didn't mention the OCD/anxiety/depression. Do I not have any of these anymore. It honestly is eating me up inside and I only post this, because I feel so confused and lost about the whole thing. Sorry to go on. Sarah xx

Great news Holly :original: - I read about it in success thread. I hope it goes well for you both. I am sure it will. It sounds like you were friends first, which is always a great starting point. Sarah xx

I am going to think of 10 positive things about myself for my social worker. I wanted to put this on here, because I am really struggling and only found 3 possible things. I need to make myself do this. I hope everyone elses challenges are going well. Sarah

Hi Holly, I am really pleased you went out last night and had a good time. About this guy - it is really a decision only you can make. Do you like him? If you didn't have any anxiety would you like to go out with him? You don't have to answer these questions on here, but ask yourself how you feel about him. You then have 2 options in my eyes. 1. Go out with him and see how it goes. There is nothing wrong with finishing it with him if it doesn't work out. Just let him down gently. 2. Don't go out with him and just be friends. I have a lot of male friends and I find it easier to talk to them than women sometimes. Explain your not ready for a relationship. There are no rules set out for relationships. It is a very personal thing. Take some time to think about your decision and I think the right decision will feel right inside yourself. Hope this helps :blushing: Sorry I can't be anymore help. Sarah xx

Thanks Smile :original: I think the social worker is trying to work on my self esteem and to get me to like myself too. I do feel a lot more positive about the treatment today. Sarah

Thanks Shar :original: mine have been deleted, as I asked them to be, so no help there :blushing: Oh well, I will have to go back to my social worker with no homework, unless I can come up wth 10 before next Thursday. Sarah

Thanks Caramoole :original: I think the social worker will be good for me. She is going to contact the community health team, who will come and see me at home and take me out for activities of my choice, if they can organise it for me. Now I just need to think what I would like to do. She suggested pottery, but I make such a mess with this. I think this task is going to be the hardest one to do and the one I am most scared of. I think she is going to keep a careful eye on me and she is like a teacher - she told me to face the wall while thinking of 10 positive things about myself and not to look at my husband. She said, 'it will help you to think to face the wall.' I felt about 4 years old, but the strict method will work. She will scare me into doing as I am told. I couldn't think of 10 positive things. I have 2 - caring and a good listener. Sarah

Thanks Rach and Holly :original: My eating habits are fine and I am eating a lot healthier too. I am having nightmares and have trouble getting off to sleep, but apart from that it is fine. That is just it. I appear 'normal' on the outside. On the inside I am very tearful and unsure of myself. I feel really lost and confused. I don't think I understand it myself. How can I go from poorly to better that quickly? I think the medication is working which is good, but my black cloud hovers over me all the time. Oh well - I should be pleased. What is wrong with me? Sarah

Thanks Holly :original: I do think she could help me and it is a relief to have found someone who can push me to fight whatever is stopping me living my life. My main concern now is whether I actually have OCD/depression/anxiety or nothing at all? She said I have a low mood and not depression. I was told by more than one professional however that I do have depression and there are days when I wish I am not here anymore. This whole thing is so confusing and I feel I can't move on from this spot if I don't know what is wrong with me. I know labels can be wrong and have the wrong affect on people, but with me it helps to know where I am starting from. Can anyone help me with this? Sarah

Thanks Bumps and Notgivingup :original: I have just come back from my appointment and I wanted to share my experience I have just had with this amazing social worker. I have never experienced anything like it and it is probably just what I needed. She isn't going to let me get away with anything and said she will push and prod me every step of the way. She questioned every negative thought I have about myself and made me see that some of them aren't true. She asked me for 10 positive things about myself, which I am ashamed to say I couldn't come up with. She has therefore given this to me as homework to be done on my own without help. She was like a school teacher. She is making me go home from my session by bus next week, because she knows it makes me anxious and is getting in contact with the local community health team that are going to come to my house and make me go out to do different activities of my choice. She is also making me phone her next week to confirm the appointment, because she knows phones are another cause for anxiety. It was very scary, but amazing. I am now confused about whether I am poorly or not. She said I was on the perimeter of mental health and it is her job to keep me out of mental health. She also told me I have a low mood, but am not depressed. These contradict what I have been told before. Very confused. Sarah

I am seeing the social worker tomorrow. I am so, so nervous. I have made a promise to myself that I will make myself go and face it, but my anxiety has reached a high. I know this, because my OCD (checking) is making me check everything and worry about everything. I know she is there to help me, but I am honestly very scared of her. She is very loud and believes that she is always right. She also talks over me and doesn't let me get a word in. Sarah

Hi Holly, You are not evil. Your OCD is playing tricks on you. I know that you would never actually set fire to anyone. You are a lovely, kind person. Keep telling yourself that it is the OCD talking. Sarah xx

This is a difficult one, because you don't know everyones backgrounds. I agree with Spider that OCD is part of me. I don't just have OCD, but have lived with anxiety all my life and have missed out on so much in life, because I am just too petrified to give things a go and live a 'normal' life. Being bullied at primary school has damaged me beyond belief and it may have not been bad bullying and it wasn't physical, but it has given me the belief that I don't belong and am not good enough. I have never admitted this to anyone, but maybe this goes some way to explain my posts and my negative talk about myself. I admit that sometimes it sounds like I am using the fact that I have OCD as an excuse, but I am scared of being pushed too hard and not being able to cope and then failing. Failing for me is a catastrophe. Everyone is different - their OCD is different, their backgrounds are different and the way they cope is different. This is the trouble with labels - people stick the label 'OCD' on us and think they should treat us all the same, when we are actually all different and cope differently. Maybe that is also something to think about. Sarah

Thanks Holly :original: I think I am going to pay for a few more sessions with my therapist, because I have got myself so worked up about not seeing her anymore. I will pay for the sessions myself. School tomorrow and I am so nervous. I keep having nightmares about going and finding that I can't do the job or the children aren't very nice. Two nights in a row I have woken up with my nightmare still in my head. It is always better than I think it is going to be. I will just need a few days to get back into the swing of it again. Sarah

Thanks Holly :original: I have to see my social worker next Thursday. I didn't think it would be so quick and I am really scared now. The lady really scares me and I don't know how to talk to her. Sarah

Hi Hendrix Fan, CBT is hard and I am embarressed to admit that I was too scared to make the most of it. I really wish I had tried harder to fight my fears of CBT when I had the chance to work with my therapist. I suppose we learn from our mistakes. What I mean is that you need to fight the fear, which I know you can do. It is great that you are going to give it a go, even though it is hard and I wish you the best of luck :original: I am sure you will be taking things in stages and then it won't seem as hard or as daunting. Best of luck Sarah xx