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About george25

  • Birthday 13/01/1982

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  1. I know Just how you feel, I actually came on here today for the same reason. I figured these feelings were because of my OCD, but just wanted conformation! Every time I go out I spend the next day obsessing about what I might have said or done and how people viewed me. 'Did I flirt too much' 'Did I say something stupid' 'Am I a bad wife....and if so am I a bad person???' etc etc, the list goes on forever!! With me it's if I did a little thing I then turn it into a MASSIVE thing the next day! It's like I have OCD or something...oh yeah Like yourself, It's not just worrying about how I come across too others, it's also overwhelming feelings of guilt, I do tend to feel responsible for other peoples happiness. But then I guess that's the essence of OCD! What we have to remember is that we are actually good people and thats WHY we care so much about what people think and if we upset others! Yes sometimes we don't see or hear from friends for a while but thats because life takes over and can get hetic but with a true friend you can just pick up were you left off You say that you always have 'own reasons' to talk to someone, but isn't that what friends are for and I bet if you think about it there is times when you have been the 'ear' for those same people and felt happy that they were able to confide in you! At the end of the day if you were truly a selfish person then you wouldn't give a damn or feel the way you do! You would just feel like a lot of other people out there with 'whatever,like I care'...oh how I envy them!lol
  2. About three months ago I was able to stop some major rituals through CBT, but life hasn't been as great as I thought it would be! At first I felt really ill but that passed but then I started to lose feelings towards my husband and couldn't bear to be around him sometimes questioning if I still loved him! I felt I'd lost my 'safety' barrier and an old friend in my OCD (had it since 9 yrs old)and actually became jealous of people who were still able to carry out their rituals! Yep I'm not kidding how messed up is that!!! Then last week I got a letter from the doctors telling me I needed a repeat smear test(sorry any guys reading this) as there wasn't enough cells to do the test properly(happens 1 in 10 times apparently and is perfectly normal) so I've convinced myself I am in fact dying and this is my punishment for stopping the rituals! For the last week I've felt unreal and a sense of massive impending doom and I can't walk in and out of the room of flick switches or anything to relieve it!I hate myself as all I ever wanted was to get rid of some of the worst rituals and now I'm thinking'better the devil you know'!Which really is madness!! So lost and massively scared and depressed that this time the feelings are not going to go away, has anyone else lessoned their rituals and felt this way???
  3. Hi Thanks for replying. I have thought about explaining to my instructor but the thought of doing that brings me out in a cold sweat! I've had OCD since I was 9yrs old and I've gone to great lengths to hide it from people after finding out ther hard way that no one wants to be friends with the 'crazy child' :blushing: Only my husband and family know I have it, all my childhood friends think (for the best part) that I was just an 'unbalanced' child. I do get extra lessons with my dad but my husband refuses to take me out as he's a rubbish passenger! I have spoken to my psychiatrist about it but I don't think she quite gets my fear over it as everyone gets nervous about learning to drive but mine goes to the extreme! I have read some old posts on here about other people having problems with driving but it's so hard before each lesson not to think 'this time I'm sure I'm going to really hurt someone'. I have fought OCD every day to make my career happen and not having a licence will really hold me back and after everything I've been through I don't want that to happen!
  4. Hi I've been learning to drive on and off for 8 years now and have failed two tests. Today I have my first lesson in over a year and I'm really nervous, actually terrified is a better way to describe how I feel! I have to take my test before March as my theory runs out(which I've already done 3 times) but I have a massive problems with the actual test as in I barely eat for a least a week before because of nerves and the last one I had been awake for 2 consecutive nights before taking it! Although the second one I only failed on a reverse park and got just 3 minors I still think I'm going to do something completely dangerous whilst driving and especially on my test. I can't explain it to my friends and husband as they have all passed thinking it was no big deal but for soo long learning to drive has taken over my life and made me feel awful. Has anyone else been through this?
  5. SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE LONG REPLY! I'm going through exactely the same thing at the moment! the other evening I allowed a couple of guys to come into my flat (something I never do!)with my girlfriends as my husband was away for the night so it just seemed like a chance to carry on drinking. One of them got a bit out of hand and I found him and my friend on my bed having sex so I asked him to leave and my friend fell asleep in my bed. One guy stayed behind and by this point it was around 7 am so we went for a walk to sober up he then saw me back to the flat and then it's a bit hazy I remember grabbing my pjs and getting into bed looking at the clock and thinking wow it's gone 7 and I must have shown him out and bolted the door like I always do when my husbands away. The next day I was v.hungover and started worrying I may have got undressed whilst he was in the flat as I had some weird recollection of changing in my pjs whilst he was outside the door but it could have been a dream. I was v. ill with a hangover and my husband wasn't happy when I told him everything as he said the guys could have drug raped us. Then next day I started panicking that he had indeed drug raped me and wiped my memory in the 3 hours from what I remember to my husband coming home! even though I didn't have any flashbacks or soreness or anything to indicate that whatsoever and the fact my friend was in the flat and I woke up in my pjs with the door bolted! I couldn't sleep or eat and got in a complete state terrified of having flashbacks . Then today that's lessened but now i've convinced myself I've cheated on my husband by kissing this man and not remembering! Also this man has emailed me to invite to a group thing as we are both in the same creative profession (and had spent the evening showing eachother our work) but I've been re reading it for signs that something happened even though it's a perfectly jokey email about his hangover! I'm also scared I'll find out I'm pregnant at the end of the month (seeing as we use protection it would be difficult) and that it won't be my husbands! arghhhh. dosn't OCD suck! I have read searched lots of forums and this seems to be a common obsession. I hope to start to feel better soon and I hope you do too but at the moment it is all still a bit fresh to think clearly or rationly(not that I ever do :blushing: ) sorry for the long story but I was going to post it in a new thread as I needed to talk about it,when I read yours and it made me feel a bit better and helped me put a bit of perspective on things and I hope mine will do the same for you :original:
  6. I love reading but unfortunatley I do a similar thing. I have to re read a sentance over again or count the words to make sure they add up to an uneven number. The best way I found round this is to just keep reading and know I can come back to those pages if I still feel I need to, by that time I've forgotten which bits I'm supposed to reread and I just flick the book glancing at the words and tell myself I'm done. This won't work for everyone but using this method it does make things easiar and it will improve over time just remember your not alone!
  7. I'm a graphic designer myself and did a degree in communication design and I warn you youve picked a tricky subject. The problem here is you don't suffer yourself from the sound of it and tutors love projects straight from the heart. I've had ocd since I was nine and I didn't even attempt it as a final year project but if you have already committed to it try to think of ocd as an instruction manual cause for a lot of us that's what it is like, we all come with our own set of instructions. What I mean by this is everyones ocd is unique and the rituals differ from person to person maybe design a set of manuals for an ocd sufferer but have a twist like there is no real conclusion just like in real life or have the solution as temporary one as in real life for an ocd sufferer? hope this helps as I know how stressful the end of year project can be!
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