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Sammyhostie

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    323
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About Sammyhostie

  • Birthday 15/03/1980

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Health Anxiety

Profile Information

  • Location
    Gatwick
  • Interests
    Drinking and Flying (Not together!) and spending time with my man.

Recent Profile Visitors

188 profile views
  1. hi everyone I have been really good anxeity and ocd wise lattely, i was only thinking last week i havent felt bad for ages. Anyway my mum called me last week and said she had been waiting for the past 2 weeks for the results of an Mri scan (they live in France) she had a polyp in her womb removed, and it was 1 of only 2 that her doctor has seen in 27 years that had had cancerous cells in it. they had to check for cancer in her body on the scan and there were no tumours, but there is an area in her womb they dont like and they are going to do a hysterctomy and perhaps radiotherapy to kill it. she is finding out tomorrow what they are going to do. Anyway I had an awful dream about her falling from a balcony last night and seeing her eyes close, and i couldnt get back to sleep, it felt like i was havingn waves of adrenaline that were making me feel sick and not letting me get a deep breath. I feel the same this morning and i hate it, do you think its anxiety? im so upset bcos i have done so well. I have noticed my ocd routines and touching creeping back the last week since I spoke to mum but i feel quite ill today, so twitchy and nervous and on edge. I wish it would go away, do you think it is bcos of mum i am feeling like this? xx
  2. thank you hun xx i didnt even think of it being ocd untl you and rachie said it, so thats how i know its something i need to get checked out, i want to make sure im ok health wise, not ocd wise xx
  3. Hi hun I think its both. I want to have the tests bcos i really have had palpitations for so long, and they do worry me in case theres something wrong. But from an OCD perspective, I suppose it is reaussrance, but i would say i am doing it more for the health reasons xx
  4. Hi everyone I have had palpitations for years, probably since i was about 8 if im honest, and have always put them down to anxiety, but i have always been scared of them, and they are what started off my ocd and anxiety when i was very young. i didnt go on rollercoasters and fast rides at theme parks, becuase i saw the sign that said "dont use if you have heart problems" and i always thought i had, so didnt go on any. anyway as old users of this board know i have always been worried about them, and ive had quite a lot recently, so i plucked up all my courage and went and saw the doctor. my ecg was normal, but it only was on for 12 seconds and i didnt have any palpitations when it was on. So i went back to the doctor yesterday, and im having 24 hour one done to pick them up, and also lots of blood tests on thursday. they are doing bon profiles and cardiac enzymes and liver and thyroid tests, and im so scared. im scared i have liver disease (i did used to drink a lot, no alcholic states but every day) and im scared they are going to find something like cancer. the doctor said they are benign palpitations bcos i havent collappsed or anything, but im so scared that something is very wrong with me and im going to die. i have a new baby and im so scared, i have faced up to my biggest fear and the cause of all my ocd and health anxiety, but now i have i feel so scared and exposed. xx
  5. Hi hun Georgie is lovely thank you, hes 5 months old tomorrow! Im not sure how i would feel, i think i will try and stop and see how i feel. ocd is so bizarre i still havent worked it out! xx
  6. i think i might have background anxiety, and also that doing things has become so automatic that sometimes i dont think about doing them, if that makes sense? thank you for your replies xx
  7. Hi everyone I was just watching the repeat of the "House of Obsessive Compulsives" and recognised so many things of me, as im sure all of us did. The weird thing is Ive been having a quite a good time OCD wise, and I hadnt really thought about it. But watching that has made me realise that i am still doing all of my OCD things, touching and counting and checking, but they are not stressing me out at the minute. Do you think this is ok? I feel a bit weird now bcos i tbhought i was doing well by not being so stressed by my OCD, but now ive seen that i am still doing these things, although theyre not stressing me out, i dont know if this its ok. thank you for reading and making sense of it if you can! xx
  8. Hi everyone Today I did something that I have wanted to do for so long but have been too scared to do. I went to the doctors about my palpitations, and i told them how my dad had a condition called Wolff Parkinson White syndrome, and how his symptoms were palpitations. i think she thought they were bcos of my anxiety, but i said i want it checked to see if i have same thing as my dad did, or anything else. im having an ecg a week monday. i know this sounds such a small every day thing, and if your worried i know most people go to the doctors, but i have been just so scared that something is wrong, ive been to scared to go if you know what i mean. I beat the OCD today and it is the first time in so long. xx
  9. Hi everyone, I dont post on here very often, but I feel like I need some support so i hope you dont mind me asking you. I have had OCD since I was about 8, and as we all know highs and lows, and times when it hasnt been there at all. Anyway it has been really bad for about a year. i recently had a baby and it has become worse since then. I spend most of the day worrying about everything, not silly things, well they arent to me anyway. I worry about my heart a lot, as sometimes I get palpitations and when i have one that really scares me, then I get more anxious, and get more palpitations, etc. Im going to go and see the doctor about them but i am very scared about that. I get palpitations mostly when I have a few glasses of wine, so I stopped and they went, but then i fancied some, and they came back. I know that it would be a lot better if I stopped altogether. I think I might have GAD as well, bcos honestly I am anxious almost all the time. I got anxious watching the diving this afternoon! Anything sets me off, a doctors appointment, I had a hair cut the other day and I felt like I was starting a new job! Im lucky bcos my partner Wayne is very understanding and we do have a laugh about it, but I feel so sick most of the time with worry and Ive had enough of it. My OCD is really bad, and my touching and horrible intrusive thoughts are really bad at the minute. Even writing posts, having to edit them or delete them then write them again. What really annoys me is that I was in this positon a few years ago, although not as bad. and went to CBT. That worked for a while, but I didnt find it something that helped me long term. i know you are supoosed to work at it, perhaps I wasnt committed enough, or not ready to self expose myself all the time. Im seeing the mental health team on the 1st September to be assesed, as about 5 weeks ago my doctor thought i might have had PND, but its defo not that now (it may have been a bit just after I had my baby) but now I think its just OCD and GAD. Sorry for this long post, it is just so good to write down how I am feeling, it is driving me mad, madder than I thought I was already. xx
  10. thank you hun i know it is a small thing, but i was so scared xx
  11. hi everyone i havent posted here for ages but have just overcome something and i wanted to tell you about it. My OCD revolves around illness, and i have got a suspected kidney infection at the moment. Anyway i got give antibiotics today, and ive been so scared of taking them in case i am allergic to them, even though i know im not, bcos ive had them when i was little and at Uni. Anyway i just took them and i felt so scared, but i feel very proud of myself xx
  12. Hi everyone I used to post a lot on here, but i havent been on here for about a year. My baby son Thomas died, and nothing seemed important anymore really. recently though, my OCD has come back. and i had a bad moment today. A police car came to work, and i convinced myself (or rather my mind did) that they were coming to tell me that somehting bad had happened to my partner, Wayne. i called him twice to make sure he was ok, and he didnt answer, so I thought that it was true. The police werent there for that, but it was so real and it has scared me, becasue my OCD is now at a place which I thought I had left behind a few years ago. x
  13. Thank you all so much xx Its so hard trying to get through my grief, and then OCD as well on top of that. I dont really know how i juggle both but i do. xx
  14. hi guys i havent posted on here for ages because to be honest, i havent felt as though i really "belonged." ive recently lost my baby son, and to be honest having OCD which i know is essentially in my head just dosent seem that important. But OCD is still there. it is still there 24/7, but somehow i ignore it and just get on with it. i still do my compulsions, still have the same thoughts as before although they turn to wayne sometimes. but most of the time i just ignore it. but what i want to know is do you think it will always be there? Thomas has made me re-evaluate everything in my life, and now i know that OCD is all in my head and its such a waste to let it rule our lives. But even though i think that, it dosent go away. Do you think it ever will? sorry to ramble, stay strong everyone Sammy xx
  15. This is my blog, The Journey. Im going to post in here as often as I can about my journey getting through the grief of losing our baby boy Thomas, and also of my struggle with OCD. I will try and put everythign down but my magical thinking is very strong so might not be able to. xx
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