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nic

Bulletin Board User
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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Nottingham
  • Interests
    mud wrestling, naked bungee jumping, hiding behind black cardys, extreme dieting {and susequent failure}

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  1. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm well I can tell you one thing, the perfect teacher does not exist! Experienced teachers have exactly the same thoughts as you, even ones without OCD. When you get to my age, you realise that you can only try your best, that noone is perfect, and you are more accepting when things go wrong. I guess you learn to prioritise what is worth worrying about. It is so easy to analyse everything you do or say with the children, and go everything again and again, did that child gain anything from that lesson, did i deal with that situation correctly etc etc. The truth is , as a teacher , you have to make quick decisions hundreds of times a day, they can't all be the right ones. I still have no confidence in myself whatsoever, and am quite a maverick really, but as long as the kids are happy and learning that'll do me! Get some rest in the evenings , and rest assured the re4st of us insane people who went into teaching struggle on from day to day too! love nic xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  2. It doesn't half come back and bite you on the bum each time, doesn't it my lovely? This is the nature of the illness, this is what it does, the evil little toad chooses what you are most scared of and WHAM! Without wanting to tempt fate, I am relatively well at the mo , partly because of the ton of prozac I take every day, partly because of time and partly because of practising "not being arsed with the thoughts". The other day I saw DR Who [which incidentally is not half as good now the delicious David Tennant has gone, I digress] but the subject of the programme was similar to OCD. Basically there was a horrid hotel which had a room for everyone, which showed people thier worst fears. So for you, it would have shown you with someone other than your wife, for me becoming contaminated by something and passing it on to my kids. Sound familiar? The hotel is like a part of our brain, the door opens to the thought , the thought fills you with fear and well, you know the rest. What I say is this, accept that the thought is there, accept that that part of your brain exists, don't fight it, but practise looking at it, even ridiculing it. Practise not being scared of it. At the end of the day , EVERYONE has bad thoughts [even the normal ones, if you know what I mean] The difference between being well and being ill is learning to look at the thoughts and not be bothered by them. OCD lies to you, you know that, your rational mind knows that , so practise glimpsing at the truth, , but also pratise seeing thoughts and just knowing they are lies, and they will go. Now, unfortunately there is no inspirational quote as I have to pick my kids up from school now, but i shall no doubt find one and put it on for you. You don't get away with it that easily , young man, love nic xxxxxxxxx
  3. unfortunately there are no wings strong enough, Gerard. And the passage is from, "Peace from nervous suffering," By Dr Claire Weekes. More a book about anxiety than OCD, but it reaches the parts other books cannot reach! love nic
  4. My dearest Gerard. You are not back at square one. Yes , it may feel like that, but you now have the knowledge of this illness to know what is happening. With knowledge comes empowerment, Gerard, and the ability to fight.I found this pasage for you...."You should understand the tricks memory and habit play o that you are not too discouraged by setback, however long it may last or whenever it may come. You hould learn to appreciate the difference between memory and reality and know that when memory recalls past suffering and reawakens old sensations, apprehensions, IT IS STILL ONLY A MEMORY, and you need not be waylaid by memory, however painful and convincing it may seem. Let memeory recall as much as it may, but do not let this deceive you into thinking you may have slipped into illness again, although for a while you may feel the symptoms as acutely as ever ".....Do you see what this is trying to say , sweetheart? No, you are not back at square one, but remembering times when you were anxious and ill, will in itself amke you feel anxious. That' all. So what do you do? You practise glimpsing that truth, you prcatise evrything you have learnt from here, use this opportunity to gain strength, the more you practise, the more you win, Gerard. Accept your thoughts, confidence come with experience, the more you glimpe your truth, the better you become, honestly. Make your teaching part of yourself, inbuilt so that in the future this will not seem so frightening. And that goes for all of you in a setback! My work here is done, love nic xxxxxxxxxx
  5. Why do i have to get so upset by spiteful people...it is their problem, not mine.....

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. pottypotter
    3. felix4

      felix4

      Hi Nic, I had a similar experience lasting a very long time, & afterwards I felt more annoyed with myself for allowing retarded people to upset me sooo much. So rise above it!x

    4. Mad4choco

      Mad4choco

      I understand what you are going through its very hard and you are right it is their problem not yours you are better than that xx

  6. blimey, have just read through my post and there are loads of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. As my hero Miles Hunt [lead singer of the wonder stuff, for all you young ones] once said to me "and you're a teacher as well......" tut tut . Still the content was good.......!
  7. Actually, if you read it again, I think you will find it was my post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!But thanks all the same x love nic x
  8. Never fear, Gerard, nic is here. First of all, take heart , sweetheart, this is all OCD and you know that. And I do think us poor souls with this wretched illness have one fundamental flaw, WE THINK TOO MUCH. We read far too much into things, things that are not there. For a start, your relationship with this woman HAS changed, in a huge way. She is now your boss, she cannot and should not behave in the same way around you, she should be professional. A boss being too friendly with staff is opening a can of worms. Your "jealousy" over her new attitude, I would read as a bit of sadness that your friendship is now different. It is like a period of mourning, but what you must remember is friends come and go and that is all part of life. Sad as it is to lose a friendship, or to have it change, you will get over it, however raw those feelings are now. I know from first hand experience how OCD can return with a bang. Let me guess, that feeling of doom in the pitt of your stomach, that feeling of digust and self loathing that permeates evry pore in your body, that feeling that this will never go away, and will remain with you forever. Am I right? Did I hit the nail squarely on the head there? Why don't other people do this , i hear you ask. Because they don't ruminate, they don't look at the tiny details, they can shrug there shoulders and get over it. We can't. We look at every tiny detail, try to analyse it, go over it again and again. Such is the nature of our illness and I hate to say, our personalities. As I am writing this to you Gerard, I am having a little cry, as I had a terrible experience at work this week. I am a supply teacher and I received an email from the head that stated that the staff had complained that i am not firm enough with the children. Surprise, surprise, cue the feelings of self loathing, of being useless, worthless, pathetic. These are people I have worked happily with for the last few months. And lo and behold, I am now full of self loathing, zero self esteem, like someone has ripped out my insides. Most people would have thought "Whatever", but oh no, not me. I am already full of catastrophic thoughts of "well i must give up teaching etc". Anyway, this isn't about me, this is about you, but the principle remains the same, we automatically jump to the very worst case scenario. Will this ever go? To be honest Gerard , I don't think it will, yes I think it will improve, but I do not believe we can totally change our personalities. Just as someone with back pain gets good days and bad, we as OCD sufferers have good days and bad, good weeks and bad weeks, good months and bad months. What we must do, is live for the days where ity is leaving you alone, live for the days where you are at peace, however few and far between, you will get those days. Might heart goes out to you dear Gerard, and while I don't think I have passed on any advice in this post, I have passed on my hearftfelt empathy and understanding, love nic
  9. giving up sugar today....bye bye old friend / enemy

    1. molly29

      molly29

      All sugar!!! Well done.

    2. Mad4choco
    3. pottypotter

      pottypotter

      sugar......i love it, my teeth dont :-(

  10. One of my friends teaches latin.....is that good enough??????! I'll ask her today love nic x
  11. I am sorry to put a different slant on this, but to my mind your dog had a home, a bed , a roof over her head, and food and water. Thats a lot more than a lot of dogs get, in fact its a lot more than a lot of people get. Your dog may have been bored, but is that really that bad? She was warm, had company and was not hungry, thats a pretty good life in my book. I reckon an old dog probably wouldn't want to go for regular walks when they have painful joints and stiffness. I am not trying to reassure you honey, merely I am putting a different viewpoint across. Much as we should respect them and cherish them, animals are not the same as humans, and I don't believe they have the same capacity for thought as we do. Therefore, I don't believe they feel boredom in the same way as we do. Just my opinion. With regards to you and your ocd, sweetheart, you have suffered enough. As I have suggested to you before, try turning your feelings of guilt into doing something positive, you can say you are doing it in her memory. Volunteer for th PDSA, oR RSPCA, or any other charity. Do something that will make you feel self worth and self belief. Do not waste your life punishing yourself for something you did as a child. And yes, I know you are a grown up now, but you were not much more than a child when all this happened, and to be honest even when you are in your twenties you still have growing up to do. I am nearly forty now, and when I look back at some of the things I used to ruminate over, I think to myself "why the hell did I worry about that?" You can change your life, you can choose a better life for you and those around you, you can make a difference. But to do that you need to get well, and you need to forgive yourself, all my love to you, nic xxxxxxxxxxxx
  12. My dearest Gerard, don't make me put you over my knee. Firstly I would like to say that your type of OCD is incredibly common, there are many people on here with it. Secondly, and I don't think there will be too many sudden intakes of breath here , but I reckon a lot of "normal" people think your thoughts. I remember watching John Bishop on the telly the other day saying "you know when you've been married a long time.....the way they breathe, its constant isn't it, in and out in and out...." Why is this funny? because there is an element of truth in it! You are expecting too much from life sweetheart. You are expecting to look all dewy eyed at your wife, whilst running hand in hand down a sunkissed meadow, just as I expect to be able to walk down a clean street with no ugly, sinister stains on it.......it just ain't gonna happen. Now, my lovie, life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain. Of course these thoughts are going to come along , that is the nature of your illness, just as someone with a broken leg would find tap dancing smarts a bit...... But you need to be accepting of them , they are just your illness , yes they make you feel awful, but only if you let them. I know full well whenever I leave the house that I will see something that makes me feel contaminated almost immediately. Without fail, this will happen. However , I still leave the house and I remind myself that the feelings I AM going to experience are an exaggeration, a sensitized mind waiting for the inevitable to happen. And lo and behold, I see a plaster, or red stain, or literally anything to frighten me. But I say "I am not afraid of you anymore". True, sometimes I win , sometimes I lose, and unfortunate thogh it is , I don't believe I will ever be fully well. But I now know that life is worth fighting for, and that I deserve to live my life like anyone else. You know that your relationship with your wife is worth fighting for, and YOU ARE not GOING TO LET A SILLY ILLNESS LIKE OCD RUIN IT FOR YOU. So do not dread the inevitable storms, DANCE IN THE RAIN.......love nic xxxxxxxxx
  13. Arrrrrrr my dear Gerard, one is trying to reason with the thoughts isn't one? You are tring to reason with the unreasonable, rationalise the irrational. What do you need to be doing, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? Ignoring it, and go and do something else. You are giving time to something that doesn't deserve it, precious time. Remember , what you feel is quite normal for anyone to feel when you have been with someone for a long time. Do I sit and imagine David Tennant whisking me off in his tardis? Damn right I do! Do I feel guilty about it? Nope, cos that is not my ocd. Does my other half dream of other women instaed of the beached whale he has a partner? I don't doubt it for a second. NOt my ocd , Gerard, so doesn't bother me. However, show me a plaster on the street and I will run in the opposite direction faster than Linford Christie on speed. The ocd would hit me with its full gut wrenching force, the sick feeling in the pitt of my stomach will return , the feeling of hopelessness and despair would be back again with all its evil might. SOUND familiar? And what would you say to me , under those circumstances? You would say ignore it nic, it is your ocd, these tohoughts are not what you really feel, they are an exaggeration. Now aS FAR AS KATE MIDDLETON is concerned, well im with you there mate, and i'm a girl! She is absolutely beautiful!Does that mean I want to have a relationship with her? Absolutely not!There is no harm recognising something or someone as beautiful. Where is the harm in it? Are you being unfaithful? Absolutely not!. Now before I bore you to an early death, I will depart, with my fondest regards and wishes that one day you will find the true peace you deserve....PS My inner peace comes from 6omg a day of prozac, marvellous stuff, love nic xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  14. Harri, EVERY new mum feels like this.......every single one. Its so hard, noone can ever tell you or prepare you for it. Yes, breastfeeding is constant, just accept that that is how it is, put your feet up, put rubbish on the telly and have aplate of biccies next to you, and just feed away, you don't need to go out, tidy the house etc. YOUR JOB AT THE MOMENT IS TO FEED AND LOOK AFTER THAT BABY, NOTHING ELSE. With regards to your visitors, are they happy to muck in and help. I can recommend fillmybelly .com , where you can order local takeaways, and choose what time it gets delivered!!!!!!! Make a joke about it, keep it light hearted, just say "sorry about the mess, and we're hvaing a takeaway tonight, I've found a lovely chinese etc etc" If I went to someone's house and they said we were having a takeaway, I would be well happy. People don't want you to get stressed by their visit, they want to see the baby!!!!!!!! Noone expects a tidy house when you have a new baby, one health visitor said to me that they would worry if the house was tidy. Joshua doesn't notice the state of the house. You have to learn to let some things go, cut corners and get priorities right. If the house is a mess, so be it. If you have to feed all day long, so be it. I remember when my second was a baby, I used to drop the older one at playschool, go home , stick This Morning on, have a cup of tea and aplate of chocolate digestives, and stick the baby on my boob all morning. I too used to worry that he did not get enough milk, I was by no means a natural with enormous udders leaking milk left right and centre, but I stuck at it. My first baby, well I didn't manage to breast feed him despite my best efforts. Ironically I used to worry he was putting on too much weight!. You can't win, so don't try to. Put your feet up, eat and drink lots, and concentrate on that baby. Stuff the house, stuff the visitors, you need to look after YOU. Listen to your aunty nic, love nic xxxxxxxxxxx
  15. OCD robbed my brilliant brain of QUALITY thinking time, good luck love nic xxxxxxxxxxx
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