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About *NightFire*

  • Birthday 17/08/1986

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  1. Well, I'm off to the Docs at 1:30 today for an appointment with their Counceller. I went to the Docs recently, & told him (basically) that I think that I might have OCD & some form of Depression. He asked me a few questions, & then said that he didn't want to just put me on something straight away-& so he refferred me to their Counceller. The appointment willl last for about 30-45 mins, & hopefully it'll be good for me. I've had councelling before-but not for very long, & not about this. My boyfriend might be coming with me (not into the actual room with the Counceller-just to the building) for support-but I'm still scared...:down:
  2. Thanks; Mel, Jolie, & Atlantis for your replies. :a1_cheesygrin: I just wallowed in self pity yesterday-relaxing, watching an inspiring film ["The Pursuit Of Happyness"], & letting myself cry for a few hours-which I find hard to do as I usually keep it all inside. :closedeyes: So I feel a bit better today. Mel: Thanks for the advice. I think that deep down, I know that I have to focus on the good things about me, & not the bad-but as the eldest [of 3] I've always been expected to be good at everything, & I have had loads of pressure put on me to be able to get on with it alone-but I try. Thanks for the Icebreaker sheet aswell-it made me laugh at first; as I had a funny image of me going into the Dr's, sitting down in silence, & then just handing them that sheet! :lol: I will take it with me when I go to see my GP. X Jolie: I honestly don't know what I would do without my 2 Best friends. I have to admit that CBT scares me a bit... I do GCSE Maths at the moment [i'll be finished soon]-but getting a Full-Time job is a big aim for me. X Atlantis: Well, I'm 22 in August! Sometimes I feel like a loser, & sometimes I feel like a fighter-but you're right; I need to perservere. :boxing: I have to admit here that I haven't seen Scarface yet! But one thing [& sometimes the only thing] that keeps me going, that keeps me from hurting myself, or giving up on life, is my Spirituality. I intend to use it more to help me get through life positively. X So...thanks for sharing your experiences, & your advice guys! :original:
  3. Hey all, I don't think that I've posted on here since my intro-but my life has been a bit manic lately. Anyway; I just feel like everything is getting on top of me again... I have so many thoughts going around in my mind, so many things that I want to do in my life that seem impossible, & so many things about myself, & my life that I constantly find fault in, that it's driving me mad. I just feel like life is totally overwhelming me at the moment. The past 2 days have been really good; I went out with a School friend that I hadn't seen in ages on Sat eve, & it was ace-we had a great heart to heart about our lives. Then last night my 2 Best Friends came round, & we all had a laugh. But today I had one of those; 'I have to totally make-over my life because it's ****' feelings, & it's ruined it all. I have a Dr's appointment today [which isn't related to OCD-as I don't *quite* feel ready for that yet], & a Psychology lesson later [which I'm freaking out about as I only have a week in which to do my Coursework, & I haven't even started it yet]-but I'm considering boycotting Psychology [again] as I feel like I can't handle it, as I'm losing my mind at the moment. :eek: Here are some of the things that are getting me down; Work: I work Part-Time, & I love my job & everyone that I work with-but I *really* need to get a Full-Time job asap as I'm not making nearly enough money to get by. College: There's the Psychology Coursework issue, & the fact that I'm most likely going to fail GCSE Maths [again]. Career: I have dreams of studying Hollistic Therapies, & moving to Southern Ireland-but it seems impossible for me to ever do. Family: All we seem to do is argue :argue:, & they can't seem to understand how I feel about anything [especially concerning my OCD]. I feel like I need to escape from living with them. Friends: I always feel really insecure about my relationship with my friends, & what they really think of me, etc. Love Life: It's non-existant! I have issues with trusting people, & I feel lke I'm going to be a Virgin, & alone forever at this rate. General: The facts that I'm 22 this year, still living at home, not at Uni yet, not driving yet, don't have hardly any money, & generally aren't very independant at the moment are always on my mind. I'm trying not to cry as I'm writing this-but I just feel like a complete loser... I just don't know where to start on improving my situation & my life. I always put loads of pressure on myself, & give myself high standards to live up to-so therefore I tend to fail. So any advice that anyone can give me would be *greatly* appreciated. Also; I am planning on going to the Dr's about my OCD/Depression very soon-I'm just plucking up the courage! Peace & Love; *NightFire* XXX
  4. Thanks for the replies, & advice carolj & alison. I'm still in the; "having the courage to talk about it with other people" stage. :a1_cheesygrin:
  5. Thanks for explaining CBT to me whitebeam-it sounds like a Nightmare! :lol: Also thanks Soldiering on for sharing your experiences. Unfortunately I can relate-alot of the time it's like I'm fighting against my own brain. It's *so* good to talk to people who understand what I'm talking about! :a1_cheesygrin: I'm Straight Edge -& it's just as well really, as I could easily become addicted.
  6. When I'm writing my XMas cards, I just have to make sure that my writing's neat, & keep checking that I've written them for everyone on my list.
  7. Thanks for your replies [nice to meet you too]. :original: I keep seeing the words; "Pure O" around the Forum-but I've never heard that term before, & so I don't know what it means [thanks for explaining]. I also have thoughts about Suicide-but I don't think that I would ever do it because of my family & friends, & because I'm a very spiritual [but not religious] person-I'm all about Peace, Love, & everyone deserving to be themselves in this life. :a1_cheesygrin: As for negative thoughts & paranoia-I get this really wierd thing that sometimes when I'm eating, my brain will start thinking of really disgusting things to try & put me off. :dry: Also I get feelings that everyone is just humouring me-that they don't really like/love me, but that they're just putting up with me. Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try & pluck up the courage to see a Doctor [maybe I'll take my Mum with me?] after XMas. Hopefully spending time on this Forum will help me. Also, what's CBT, & exposure work [sounds a bit scary!]? Another thing that I hate is bending back the pages of Mags & Books, & I've seen a boy [on T.V] being asked to do this for treatment of his O.C.D-it made me cringe just watching it!
  8. I keep getting it when I change to a different area of the site [& I just have to refresh the page for it to work].
  9. Hey everybody! :a1_cheesygrin: I'm NightFire, I'm Female, 21, & I'm from Wiltshire [in England]. I found this forum as I was searching for people to talk to about my O.C.D-as nobody I know has it, or can understand it, & it's really difficult for me. :down: I've had O.C.D for about 10 years [it's not been diagnosed, but I know that I have it]. I think that it was triggered when I was 11, & my family & I moved to a different area [& a house instead of a flat], & I had to go to a new Primary School . I think that it was a way for me to try & control my life more. To give you an idea of some of the things I do/experience I'll write some below; *Hoarding [mainly mags, & books]. *Checking [my room, my bag, myself, etc]. *Timetables [of what I should do every day, week, & month] *Daily routine [certain things in a certain order]. *Routine cleaning. *Negative, paranoid thoughts [about myself & others]. *Checking things online [like forum posts, my myspace page, etc]. *Trying to do everything 'perfectly'. *Trying to give myself a 'life makeover' every now & again. *Getting panic attacks, & depressed when things in my life 'don't feel right'. I used to go to a Pychiatrist when I was alot younger [when I found out that my Dad was actually my Step-Dad], & I've been to a Counceller a few years ago after self harming a little [not much though]-but it didn't really help. But I've never been to the Doctor about O.C.D [although I've thought about it], or been on any medication for it. I hate the thought of going on medication-as I'm Vegan, & I only take The Pill, & Paracetemol [which I only take at that time of the month!]. Other than that I take B-Vitamins, & Multi-Vitamins & Minerals. I hardly ever get ill, & [physically] I'm really healthy. I also suffer from Depression [again, undiagnosed]-which I think is linked to my O.C.D. Anyway...that's some background info about me I thought that I'd share-sorry for the essay!. :lol: Actually, this is the most I've ever shared about this to anyone before... :blink:
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