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alberhirkiespongebob

Bulletin Board User
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About alberhirkiespongebob

  • Birthday 25/09/1995

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Norfolk

Recent Profile Visitors

10,051 profile views
  1. Hi guys! It has literally been years since I have posted, I just looked at my last post and cried at how optimistic I was. Things quickly spiralled out of control. My rituals have become life consuming and my mood unpredicatble. Self harm has always been an issue but it has merged into a type of compulsion - doing it the right number, right touch, feeling etc (I won't go into detail as too graphic). Needless to say I'm struggling. My team have no clue what to do and have openly admitted that. I feel like a lost cause. My life is non-stop rituals, everything is counted, tapped, worried about. My self harm has become critical, surgeries, major infections, limb and life threatening. I've lost control yet I have so much control - if that makes any sense. Everything I do is to hang onto control, tapping to stop bad things happening, cutting to stop the voice, harming myself to stop me having to harm others, washing to stop germs. I know it's down to me to change but I no longer want to - I no longer strive or hope for a day where I am happy and content. Sorry for the rant, I'm still alive and still fighting, just things are a bit muddled and I've struggled to keep in contact with people, apologies for that! How are you all? I realise there are probably lots of new people on here now, so hello to you all! I hope you find this forum supportive and full of people will to help you on your journey to understanding and beating OCD. Have a nice day everyone :original:
  2. Wow, I haven't posted on here in ages! First of all, hello to everyone! I took some time away from this site as my mental health spiralled out of control, and have since been in hospital for just over a year all together. I have been diagnosed with major depression, OCD and BPD. And to be honest I don't know where else to turn? I am so scared to tell anyone what is going on, I don't want to be sent back to hospital. My hand washing got reduced from 100+ to 3 times per sitting. It is slowly increasing. And I am too worried to stop it. I have been told by every doctor I have seen that there is 'nothing more' they can do to help my OCD. The rituals I have left I will live with as it is not impacting my life severely, and that is fine with me, as the ones I have left are reassuring. But I am just too petrified to tell them it is getting worse again. When I first reached out for help, I was knocked back and not taken seriously. I tried the other day to open up to my mum, trying to say that I felt my OCD was getting bad again. She just laughed it off. It felt like I have got no where. I don't know what to do, I feel so helpless. Kirsty
  3. Well they don't really do 'therapy'. I was more cold turkey than anything. But definately more intense, the Priory was easy, I was allowed to do my rituals, and sometimes encouraged to. Alpha you are told not to, and physically stopped. As much as it sucks there, it's worked! xx
  4. Hey everyone, Sorry I haven't posted in a while, thought I would update you all. I am doing fantastically! I wanted to give a glimpse of hope to any new people, people just starting recovery and family members watching someone go through the hell that is OCD. Well, I have been in hospital for 7 months now, and am soon(very soon) to be discharged. I went in with rituals controlling my life. Spending 2 hours in the shower, twice a day. Washing my hands over 100 times, every time I needed to ( which includes times which i totally didn't need to). And many other small, time consuming rituals. After 5/6 months in the Priory not much was helping, my self harm, suicidal ideation and OCD was escualting. So the Priory moved me to a secure hospital called Alpha. Within a month there, i used no hand gel, and currently wash my hands 3-5 times, and have recently managed a 10 minute shower. So, to people in dispair, I PROMISE you, it does, will and can get better. OCD is a pathetic illness. That little voice in your head telling you i'm lying, that OCD is right, is wrong. OCD thrives on control, repetativness and no change. BUT, one small step at a time and you will realise that you can change your habits. Say to yourself, it's not me, it's OCD. Give it a name, mines 'Jim'. So, my head will tell me to wash for 2 hours, STOP, that is not me thinking, it is Jim, and Jim can jog on. You can do this. Message me if you wanna talk. Smile Kirsty xxx
  5. why do I even bother :(

    1. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      Hugs, I am here if you need to talk x

    2. pottypotter

      pottypotter

      What's up matey? xx

  6. Really not doing OK. Far from it.

    1. pottypotter

      pottypotter

      Anything you want to share matey? xxx

    2. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      If I can help, please say x

  7. feel beyond awful, not coping.

    1. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      Is there anything I can do to help Kirsy? x

  8. why do wisdom teeth hurt sososo much :(

    1. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      Ouch, could you take some painkillers to help? x

  9. feeling totally awful, wish I could give up now.

    1. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      Hugs, I am always here if you want to talk x

    2. pottypotter

      pottypotter

      Never give up matey xx big hugs xx

    3. alberhirkiespongebob

      alberhirkiespongebob

      thanks guys, just trying to get back into college at the moment. Not sure if it's the best thing, but still have to.

  10. I hate when people don't understand, and instantly judge.

    1. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      I hope you are ok x

  11. mums leaving tomorrow, everythings collapsing, no energy to fight.

    1. alberhirkiespongebob

      alberhirkiespongebob

      She's going back home. Just can't keep on top of everything, don't know how to relieve it.

    2. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      Hugs, stay strong Kirsty x

  12. mentally and physically exhausted

    1. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      Hugs, keep your chin up x

    2. pottypotter

      pottypotter

      Smile matey xx

  13. no strength left to fight

    1. Lucy1234

      Lucy1234

      Hugs, keep your chin up x

  14. dreading tomorrow, Friday 13th :( damn paranoia!

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