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Brainstrain

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    343
  • Joined

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About Brainstrain

  • Birthday 14/05/1980

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Pure O, magical thinking and a little contamintaion.

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Kent
  • Interests
    Music, Drama, anything creative.

Recent Profile Visitors

102 profile views
  1. Thanks Jo, Reassuring words, the rational part of my brain knows that its probably because they were both on antibiotics for a throat infection a couple of weeks ago and share the same bath and towels etc so gonna make an effort to make sure they only use their own towels to stop it spreading between them. Plus apparently I was prone to getting it if I drank too much orange squash when I was little and had it constantly during my pregnancies and my mum can only use one brand of bubble bath/soap or she gets it just like that so maybe genetically we're just sensitive to it if that can happen? I feel a bit calmer today after talking it through with a friend at work but I know probably when I'm trying to go to sleep tonight the OCD thoughts will be back Thanks again x
  2. Hi I haven't been on here for ages but I'm really struggling. A bit personal, but my 2 daughters 2 & 4 have been getting thrush off and on for a while. Took them to the drs on Thursday to see if they could give me some different cream to try and the dr asked me if there was any chance they were being abused! I know she was doing her job and its right for them to be vigilant but since then my head has just been in a spin. The answer of course is definitely no but in my OCD brain I'm fluctuating between suspecting everyone I know of hurting them to thinking that I'm going to get them taken off me at the drop of a hat and its seriously doing me in. But now I'm to the point where I'm scared to stop worrying about it in case me not worrying about it makes it happen - if that makes sense! I just don't know what to do with myself. The thing is aswell that I was planning to go back to the drs myself as I think my anxiety meds need to be upped but I'm too scared to do that in case they think I'm not a fit mother for needing more meds, that I can't cope. I'd be really grateful if anyone could give me some kind words! Thank you Sarah xx
  3. Thank you so much for all of your responses they talk a lot of sense! I know I should be brave and just learn to say no sometimes, I guess it's just a skill I'll have to develop! Well on a more positive note my cousin had a baby the other day so for a while they'll probably be more occupied with her and we'll be out of the limelight for a little while! Thanks again! Brainstrian :blushing:
  4. I don't think I'm unusual - judging by other things I've read on this site - that often part of OCD includes an overwhelming urge to please everyone and keep everyone happy - usually at the extent of yourself! Well I had my first child almost a year ago and I suddenly realised that once you've got a baby everyone wants to see you more - or that was certainly the case in my family(!) there were lots of comments about 'hope we get to see her grow up not only once a year etc etc' which meant I felt under a lot of pressure because I have to please everyone and have a very very large family so didn't have a clue when I would fit everyone in! I've not been well since the birth and I also had to go back to work when she was 5 1/2 months old - very much against my will but the bank says I have to if you know what I mean! Anyway I did my best to make sure that people got to see her when I could fit it in or relied on mum taking her visiting when I was at work. However I heard a little while ago that my dad's mum (Nan) had been saying that she hadn't seen her since she was 5 weeks old - which would've been last August! Well I know for a fact that I took her round over Christmas when she was nearly 6 months - I know that is a while ago but we've never been very close or seen each other very often - but also my mum and dad have taken her round a couple of times since then when they've been looking after her while I've been at work, so the longest she's gone without seeing her is a couple of months. I asked my dad to remind her of this cos I didn't want her thinking bad of me and also the rest of the family if she told them. My mum said it was all fine and sorted. Then today in the 2 hours I had between shifts at work I decided to take her to a family gathering in the local club so that everyone would get to see her. First of all my nan and an aunty complained that she was asleep when we got there and then my nan started going on again about not having seen her since she was 5 weeks old! And my aunty was nodding in agreement with her. I tried to remind her of the times she has seen her but she just kept shaking her head. Now my whole family are gonna be thinking I'm really mean as the auntys have all seen her more often than that and they're gonna be thinking I'm just depriving my nan of seeing her but I thought it was OK as my mum and dad had taken her around to visit! I'm really upset about this and can't stop obsessing about it. I get so stressed because as it is I feel I don't even get to see her enough and she's my baby! I can't cope with getting all the chores done as well as trying to fit in work and actually making the most of any time I do get with my baby. On top of that my illness makes me hurt from head to foot and makes me wake up every day feeling like I've got a hangover. Add to that the OCD intrusive thoughts making me feel I'm failing at every aspect of being a mum I just feel like I'm drowning! Why can't everyone just see that I'm trying really hard to keep them happy and at least remember when they have seen her? I feel really stretched to the limit at the moment and just don't know what to do. I'm trying to lose weight too and failing miserably at that too as keep bingeing. Sorry for whingy post, you'll probably all think I'm really mean too! Thanks for reading Brainstrain x
  5. Hi all I've recently applied for a new job and was lucky enough to be offered it. On being successful I was asked to fill in an occupational health form which has to be processed before I can 'officially' be given the job although the manager has made it very clear that she really wants me and says it's really rare for anyone to be refused a job on the ground of the occupational helath check and she has never known it to happen. So I felt quite confident about it. Obviously I put that I suffer from pure 'O' OCD which is under control with sertraline at the moment and I described as being 'mild'. I only put it down as I thought they would ask my doctor for a report anyway so it would look bad if I hadn't been honest. Anyway they normally just write to you to tell you it is all ok. But today the occupational health people rang to say I have to go in for an interview with a nurse before I can be given the all clear and I'm presuming this must be to do with the OCD. I did recently have a minor operation which I aso wrote but surely it can't be about that? I'm all worried now that they'll decide I can't do the job eventhough I'm currently teaching and am coping fine with that which is a much more stressful job than my new one, plus I've never had to take time off work due to my OCD. I just wondered if anyone else had any experience of this linked to their OCD and if anyone had any advice for the interview! I really want this job and have already had to give in my notice at my current job so I'm getting in quite a panic about it all! Thanks a lot! Brainstrain :blushing:
  6. Thanks for replies! Glad to know its quite a normal procedure then! Brainstrain
  7. Hi I went to my doctors today to ask to be put back on sertraline as my ocd has been getting worse and I felt I needed additonal support. Well I'm with a different doctor than when I had the meds before so she did a test on me on the computer! It was multiple choice and it described me completely! In the end it said that I didn't have depression but scored 19/21 for anxiety! So it confirmed a high level of anxiety so she gave me the prescription which I was grateful for. I just wondered if anyone else had this method of diagnosis? Keep Smiling! Brainstrain x
  8. Hi Hayley Just to let you know I've been having the same thoughts about whether I'm getting a bit of pnd or if its just the ocd or a bit of both. I know that's not a good reply but just wanted you to know I think I'm in the same boat and you're not alone. If it helps you could pm me for a chat. Luv Brainstrain x
  9. Hi Hayley Congratulations! With the bottle feeding what I do to fit in with the new guidelines is put the correct amount of boiled water into each bottle straight after they've been sterilised and leave them just on the side to cool to room temperature and then just add the scoops of formula when needed and shake it. I was told this was the best way to stop bacteria forming. As it hasn't been in the fridge you don't have to warm it up which can create more germs as baby wil take it fine at room temperature. Don't know if this is helpful but this was actually how I was told to do it by my midwife and helath visitor and it is really easy to do. Try not to worry about your weight too much. I had a similar problem after my baby 6 1/2 months ago. In fact the problem was that I actually lost weight whilst I was pregnant, having been a bit overweight before, so loads of people including my husband made comments that I should take advantage of it and I could end up being really slim afterwards etc. These comments combined with my ocd got me a bit obsessed with weight loss among other things and within weeks of giving birth I was frantically walking miles and obsessing over calorie intake. I just ended up having to have an operation because I hadn't healed properly and I can't help thinking all the exercise had something to do with it and if I'd just taken time to relax things might have been different. I know what you mean about being worried about disclosing ocd to your health visitor I haven't told mine although I did tell the midwife when I was pregnant and she didn't really bat an eyelid! I too am thinking of telling my health visitor on Tuesday as she is coming to see how the op went. At the end of the day you have successfully brought up three other children so she wouldn't be able to say that your ocd is oging to have a bad effect on your new baby. Hope this is helpful Brainstrain
  10. Hi all I was going to go back to the doctors next week to ask to be put back on the meds I was on before which really helped with my ocd. I was coping with the ocd well without but so many things have happened since the birth of my daughter and I'm finding it all a bit stressful so the ocd is having a field day. Anyway I'd resigned myself to asking the doctor for the meds but then I keep hearing stories about women who are having their babies taken away because of mental health issues. The thing is I know deep down I'm a good mum and the health visitor and everyone are pleased with my baby and tell me I'm doing well but the ocd constantly makes me doubt myself. Now I'm worried that if I go to the doctors with what is essentially a mental health problem it could end up with social services getting involved and I really couldn't face that. Brainstrain x
  11. Hi I've always had a bit of illness ocd but since having my daughter last year this part of my ocd has got worse because when I'm doing things like writing in her keepsake diary and stuff my brain says things like, 'well at least she can read this if you're not here when she grows up'. I've been quite ill anyway since I've had her and now just look really pale and am constantly tired and although the docs have done blood tests and say things are fine I keep thinking what if I've got cancer and they just didn't test for that? So many people in my family have had it and I just feel it's innevitable that I will get it at some stage! I hope it's just ocd and it isn't true but it's all a bit too much! So I totally sympathise with you and I'm glad you were able to have a mamogram and get it sorted. Love Brainstrain x
  12. Hello! Yes this is DEFINITELY something that ocd does! I am plagued by these thoughts most of the time! I think you just learn to cope with them after a while! Good Luck Brainstrain xx
  13. I'm glad you did reply cos it made me feel better! Thanks! Brainstrain x
  14. HI Sweetie Thanks for your reply and kind words, I'll try to take on board what you've said as you've given me some good advice there. I hope you have a nice christmas too! Brainstrain x
  15. Hi all I've been coping with my ocd for so long and have felt really strong but over the last few weeks I've just been feeling so low and the ocd thoughts are starting to attack me again. I had my baby five and a half months ago and have had nothing but stress since then, baby ill and in special care unit for 8 days, debt problems and threats of court proceeding and bailiffs, bad recoery from the delivery myself resulting in surgery needed and husband who for personal reasons has only just been able to get involved in helping care for baby. Although through all this I've been quite stressed the ocd hasn't been a problem. However, now most of it is sorted out I've just lost all my 'get up and go' and the ocd is starting to ruin everything again. It's my baby's first christmas and I should be so excited but deep down I'm not excited about anything at the moment. My ocd is starting to convince me that I'm doing lots of things wrong with the baby adn although I'm managing to fight most of these thoughts off they're always there at the back of my mind. Plus I'm forced to return to work now which is really upsetting as I believe the place for a baby as young as mine is with it's mum - eventhough the ocd tries to convince me that I'm no good for her at all anyway! While getting her ready for the bath the other day I squeezed her bum innocently in fun. The ocd straight away tried to tell me I was doing something perverse. The rest of my brain knew I wasn't and I know my mum used to kiss my brothers bum when he was a baby - something I could never risk with my head - and there is nothign wrong with that but it's little things like that all the time. My baby has been having some trouble feeding and I'm convinced she needs some baby gaviscon and may have reflux but I took her to the doc about 2 months ago and she said she didn't believe in it. But she hasn't grown out of it and fits all the symptoms of reflux. However my ocd is trying to convince me that I've got that psycological problem where you invent illnesses for your child so that you get attention. I don't know! I know this is rather rambly but it helps to get it all out, I won't be offended if no one replies! I just don't know what to do. Ideally I dont' want to go back on the meds I was on a couple of years ago cos I'd be scared that if they think I'm being treated for mental problems they might start prying into how we care for the baby! So many things going round and round my head! Brainstrain
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