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About lilyelspeth

  • Birthday 26/03/1982

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    OBSESSIONS, lots and lots of obsessions, some mild compulsions.

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    Lost in Translation
  1. Long time with no post but I've been absolutely wonderful these past few years. Unfortunately, I've been having some issues with my work mates. The girls in my office are big drinkers and I am not. They like to party, go out, spend money, etc. I do not enjoy these things but have never expressed that to them, nor have I ever been invited. Long story short, my whole life, I've always seemed to be a person who has an answer or a reason for something. This is a little hard to explain, but let me try. For example, one of the girls asked me to have a glass of wine at a party we are having at work, I said no, I don't drink wine. I'm allergic to sulfa and I don't like it. So she said, what about something else, I said no, I wouldn't be able to get myself home alone. She said "you have too many restrictions". I don't like this, that, and I'm too picky-it's true. But the main reason I don't drink and eat the way everyone around me does is because I am diabetic and on a heavy dose of Prozac for my OCD. No one knows this at my job and I prefer to keep it that way. I'm not like everyone else and usually, I'm alright with that. I don't have any friends and I'm pretty much happy with fiance, my family, and my pets. But I love my job and want to get along with everyone but it's hard when people think you are a loser and negative. Which, usually, I am not, I promise I feel that the outside world can't handle when people aren't like everyone else. My question here, is this, do you think this an OCD thing about being so picky and "restrictive?" I don't want to apologize for being who I am, but I'm a much better person than I USED to be and I am proud of that. I don't think I should change who I am to please anyone but myself. It's not my fault that I would rather save my money for a fab holiday than it ending up in my toilet.
  2. Thanks for the input! I have a call in to my psychiatrist, so hopefully I will hear something tomorrow. My anxious self couldn't wait until January!
  3. Has anyone had any luck with any particular meds for repetitive thoughts. I repeat thoughts (often when I hear something disturbing) over and over and over... in my head and have no luck. I'm hoping to start new meds in January when I see my doctor again. I know not everyone is the same, but I'm willing to try anything. Thanks!
  4. wishes she were someplace else.

  5. Well, that would help, but I do not shop at Wal-Mart. It's a matter of principle. Which is ridiculous of me, especially in this situation. But I am sticking to my convictions on this one. I did some research and a grocery near me does the same program, however, the meds I was prescribed are not part of the program. I have a great combo of drugs now and I was benefiting greatly until last year when I couldn't afford them any longer.
  6. I have no health insurance, just got a job after a year of looking for one, etc. I'm even contemplating moving out of my country to get proper healthcare.
  7. I can't get medicine for my OCD/Depression, does anyone have advice on how to cope when you need meds but can't get them? I mean, I certainly can't regulate the chemicals in my brain!!!!!!
  8. Thanks for the replies everyone. I really appreciate the support. I'm still a little down, but I am doing better today. As far as the queries about my family, we are not close at all. They refuse to discuss my problems and I'm not even sure they accept that I have OCD. They would never do anything to "spare my feelings" and it's actually the opposite. They seem to do things just to make me cross. And as far as friends, I don't have any besides my boyfriend. And sometimes that's a little weird to talk about things with him, especially when it's about him! So we'll see how it goes. Thanks again!
  9. Nothing is going well for me right now and I had nowhere else to go. I can't sleep, eating is difficult (another OCD conundrum). -I can't find a job and I'm a v. talented person. I am running out of money and I am afraid I am going to lose everything. -My boyfriend is giving me a hard time, I'm changing myself to be with him. Loneliness is just too much for me anymore. -My mum had an operation today and they decided to make my brother the one they called with updates (as always, leaving me out). I'm more like extended family than a daughter. I ring her every other day and he rings her maybe once every 10 days?! I just want to give up on everything. I had a good scream and cry though. So now I am watching sad things and listening to depressing music. Sometimes that seems to help. God I could rip my hair out sometimes. I'm so afraid to die, but who would miss me?
  10. No problem! As hard as it can be (even with us "talkers"), getting it out there at all to another human can be so helpful. It's young, but I started a blog last night about my adventures with OCD: http://joiedeocd.wordpress.com/ Hope that link works! :blushing:
  11. http://www.aetv.com/obsessed/ More info and videos! I was unsure at first, but by the second, I'm loving it. They seem to be doing well with being sensitive and on topic.
  12. Check the girl Trina out: http://www.aetv.com/obsessed/video/index.j...tid=24938883001
  13. I've never been diagnosed with this, however, feeling like an OCD expert at this point, I'd have to say it would be due to the obsessions. My boyfriend and I had a discussion about this today. I go on tangents because I am so obsessed with a thought that I have to discuss it until it doesn't exist anymore for some reason(s). I, too, know that I turn people off with never knowing when to shut up. It might be even worse to try and shut up because then the thoughts would build up in your head, something we know is never good! Nice to hear someone else gets this, sorry I couldn't be of more help.
  14. So I thought about it, I really thought about it. And the worst part? I was so calm. That's what frightens me the most, is that I could have killed myself tonight, honestly, it as like this calm of "it's okay" came over me. I've never been that way before.
  15. Welcome! Being a Buddhist, the idea of Karma is hard for me with my OCD. I have a hard time because I truly believe in the KARMA/What If? scenarios coming true. So, you are definitely not alone.
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