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Ooba

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    419
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Ooba

  • Birthday 03/12/1978

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Checking, Repeating Things, Obessesive Thinking, Mild Contamination, Guilt

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    East Sussex
  • Interests
    Family, Friends, Socialising, Music, Web Design, Computers & Internet, Formula 1, Brighton & Hove Albion
  1. Doh! I shoulda put I've come down 20!! I'm on 60 now, then down another 20 soon x
  2. Hi all! Hope you are all ok. Just thought I'd check in and let you know I'm reducing my citalopram. I've been on 80 mg for years now, but in light of the recent reports and findings about the drug, I've got to reduce. The doc had brought me down to 20mg since last Fri I think. Been having head shocks - sudden flashes of being dizzy and feeling unbalanced, a bit grouchy at times and feeling woozy and tired. Still got to come down again yet. Anyone else had to reduce? Ooba x
  3. CBT again today. Have struggled a little bit recently, and went through this with my therapist. I've added a full post about the session to my blog on here http://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?app=blog&module=display&section=blog&blogid=289&showentry=4377 O x
  4. Ooba

    CBT Session 2

    Second session today. Filled in another questionnaire to start with, to gauge my how I’m doing. I explained to Ann that I’d been feeling a bit uncomfortable over the past few days, after I started worrying over something I remembered – I remembered walking around my Sons bedroom with him in my arms, saying sorry to him for something, but I can’t be completely certain about what I was saying sorry for. We looked back on last week’s homework (to buy a lotto ticket and think about winning) which showed that thinking about winning was just a thought, and didn’t mean I would win. We went onto setting this week’s homework (which made me feel a little uncomfortable) on a behavioural experiment sheet:- Behavioural Experiment Sheet Last 3 points not completed yet, as the experiment is over the coming week. Below in bold is the box headings, and in italics is what we filled in: Target Cognition – Thoughts can influence Percent % - 25 Experiment – Thinking about winning something bad happening to Ann – having a car crash – going into back of someone. 10 – 20 mins per day. Prediction – Feel anxious 5/8. Might not want to do it. Don’t think it – it might make it happen. Outcome What I learned Percent % We went onto look at this experiment in more detail. If Ann did have a car crash this week, what were the possible causes and their likelihood (%). We wrote at list (putting my thought about it happening at the bottom of the page) I came up with not paying attention, others not paying attention, winter roads, animal jumping out and so on. Looking at it that way, me thinking about happening, was highly unlikely to influence Ann having a crash. Rational, Wise, Emotional Ann drew 2 circles, one slightly overlapping the other. The circle on the left was labelled ‘Rational Mind’, the one on the right ‘Emotional Mind’ and the shape in between, where they overlapped, ‘Wise Mind’ Under ‘Rational Mind’ we put ‘Logical’ Under Emotional Mind’ we put ‘Anxious’ ‘Guilty’ The headings were also written below the circles, and under each, we wrote in my rational thoughts, and emotional thoughts, to do with my OCD thoughts. Below in bold is the box headings, and in italics is what we filled in: Rational Thoughts This is irrational I know I haven’t done anything (note: alot of my OCD is where I keep thinking have I done something awful) Emotional Thoughts Did I do something awful? Because Im feeling anxious – it might indicate I have done something Then, we completed ‘Wise Thoughts’ Wise Thoughts Everyone experiences intrusions – even of a sexual nature. I’m not the only one. (note: some of my OCD focus’ on awful sexual thoughts) Thoughts are just thoughts and don’t have a bearing on events. Ann explained that we are trying to strengthen the ‘Wise Thoughts’ part of my brain. Anxiety & OCD We looked at anxiety and OCD, and its effects. When I’m in a bad episode, my anxiety is so intense, and we looked at why. My anxiety is firing off exactly as it should do – because my awful thoughts are threatening. When threatened, our anxiety kicks in, and starts the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response. But, when I’m in an episode, I can interpret my anxiety incorrectly, and attach my own meaning to it if you like, for example ‘Im feeling anxiety and despair, perhaps this indicates that I’ve done something wrong’ then the OCD cycle can start....Have I done something wrong? - Im feeling anxiety and despair, perhaps this indicates that I’ve done something wrong - mental checking – and so on. We wound up with some chatting and I left with my homework, feeling pretty good again. Next session, next Mon.
  5. Thanks Leggy - went well. I've put a full post about the session and what it involved, in my CBT Diary blog on here xx
  6. Ooba

    CBT Session 1

    First appt today.... Was a bit nervous to start with, but soon settled in, and really feel like I ‘clicked’ with my therapist, who for the purpose of this diary I shall refer to as Ann. I took with me, a copy of my first post on OCD UK, as it really sums my OCD and how it has progressed over the years and the themes it has taken, and a list of my first 5 intrusive thoughts. There’s a copy of both below: My first post on OCDUK ‘Posted 06 February 2005 - 04:15 PM Hi Im Ooba, I am new on here, the site looks great, and I have been reading through alot of the posts. Please read this post if you have the time, any reponse is appreciated and I thank you in advance Im not sure if I have OCD or not, my Doctor has indicated that she thinks that I have something obsessional. She also thought I was depressed. I have been prescribed Citalopram 20mg and 1mg Triflouperazine (which are to be taken when I feel that I need it - Ive taken none of them yet as Im a bit scared by what may happen) I have seen a Psycotherapist/Hypnotherapist and tomorrow I am seeing a Psychiatrist.... When I was younger (poss under 10 - Im 26 now) I used to see a child psychiatrist, my Mum has told me that before I would get into bed I would check things over and over again. As I have got older I know these are somethings that I have done, when I have been in a draw I may have felt as if I have to open and close it a number of times until I feel comfortable, I used to clean things well I mean extremely well again until I felt comfortable, sometimes I would think things over and over in my head until I felt comfortable, my partner has said that sometimes I would stand in hallway staring, perhaps going over things in my head, I could go on but I thionk that you get the gist. With all of these things their seems to be a compulsion - to do it until it feels right. I have never really considered any of this to be a major problem, just something that I do....though at times it could get frustrating. In 2003 I had a lovely little boy, unfortunately, in November 2004 he had an accident, he is fine now and completely recovered. At the beginning of December 2004 I started to feel down and I started to have thoughts, thoughts that didnt seem to have any obvious compulsion to make me feel comfortable. I had thoughts/excessive worries that I might have ignored my Son when he had the accident - though I know I didnt, I also had thoughts that I may have held my Son tightly. Feeling down became feeling downer, I had panic attacks and would lay down alot of the time going over and over these thoughts.... I am now into about my 4th thought, maybe more, that I might have sexually abused a child, though I cant actually remember doing it, unfortunately I can imagine it. Thoughts going over and over and over.... What if I did do these things and forget about them? What if i didnt? Then why am I thinking this? why can I imagine these things if they didnt happen? and on and on, over and over ARGH! I may think that Im ill, that I have OCD, then I might think, but maybe you havent and your trying to blame it on something.... A little while ago I had some really good days , and I felt well, I thought perhaps I was over it, but I wasnt. I am better than I was, I can get up and get on but the thoughts are still there nagging at me, as they are now.... Sometimes I just dont know what to do.... Any feedback please, thanks. Thanks for listening, Luv Ooba. ‘ My first 5 intrusive thoughts: 1. I remembered when my Son burnt his hands and started thinking 'Did I ignore my Son when he burnt his hands?' I ended up phoning my friend, who's house we were at, to reassure me that I didn't ignore him. 2. I remembered picking my Son up in his room at our old flat, with my arms tensed, but not squeezing my hands towards each other started thinking 'Did I hold my Son too tightly?' 3. I remembered a little boy I used to look after, he was a toddler, I had a vision of kissing a young boy that I used to look after inappropriately in his Mums bed. Started thinking 'Did I do that?' 4. Driving to a psychotherapy appt, on Mayfield road, thinking over the thought above. Then I have a vision of a mouth pulling away from a childs dinkle (I nicknamed this the 1sk thought, as it is 1 suck pulling away) and start thinking 'have I done that to my Son?' 5. To challenge the thought above, still driving on Mayfield Road, on my way to my Psychotherapy appt, I thought 'when?' and I remembered a time when I was changing my Son's nappy at our old flat, in the front room, on the floor, in front of the wall unit, his head was TV end of the room, as I was changing his nappy an uncomfortable feeling came over me. I remember the Paul O'Grady show was on TV. I started thinking 'Did I do the vision above then?' First off, I completed a questionnaire to gauge how I am at the moment, pretty basic, questions, then circling numbers on a scale of 1 – 10. Turns out, at the moment, Im not doing too bed (good start) Ann read my print outs and kept them. She explained that my thoughts are what they call ego-dystonic, meaning they are a person's thoughts, impulses, attitudes, and behaviour that are felt to be repugnant, distressing, unacceptable, or inconsistent with the rest of my personality. She went on to say that she has no concerns that I have ever actually acted on, or will act on my thoughts. Theories We then looked at theories relating to my thoughts: Theory A - If I have an intrusion it could mean I’ve done something wrong. 90% belief when I’m in a bad OCD episode. Theory B - Thoughts are thoughts – it is meaningless. 50% belief. I know the first theory is completely irrational, and the second is true. Worksheet We went on to complete a worksheet consisting of 5 boxes, below in bold is the box headings, and in italics is what we filled in: Situation – Nappy intrusion comes into head Thoughts and images – Why is it bothering me? ‘Memory’ Did I do it? Body / Physical Sensations – Tight chest Moods / Emotions – Anxious ++ Sense of despair Behaviours / What I did or didn’t do – Mentally checking through Ann drew on a series of arrows linking these and highlighting the cycle, she went on to explained that the idea is to intervene at one of these points to break the cycle. Behavioural Experiment Sheet Next, we completed a Behavioural Experiment Sheet. Last 3 points not completed yet, as the experiment is over the coming week. Below in bold is the box headings, and in italics is what we filled in: Target Cognition – Thoughts can impact on events Percent % - 90 Experiment – Thinking about winning the lottery 10 – 20 mins per day Prediction – I wont win Outcome What I learned Percent % Then it was almost time to wrap up the session. I left feeling quite positive. The next session set for this coming Monday.
  7. Starting my CBT at 11.30 today Will be posting an entry in my CBT Diary blog later. Bit nervous.... O x
  8. Welcome to my CBT diary! Despite having OCD for many years, I've never had any CBT. On 7th Sept 2011 I was referred and have my first appt next Monday! I've had 3 very bad flare ups of depression, anxiety and OCD which have made me very ill, in 2004/2005, 2007, and this year (2011) A bit of info to give you an idea of my OCD and its 'flavours' - below is my first post on OCD UK (6th Feb 2005) 'Hi Im Ooba, I am new on here, the site looks great, and I have been reading through alot of the posts. Please read this post if you have the time, any reponse is appreciated and I thank you in advance Im not sure if I have OCD or not, my Doctor has indicated that she thinks that I have something obsessional. She also thought I was depressed. I have been prescribed Citalopram 20mg and 1mg Triflouperazine (which are to be taken when I feel that I need it - Ive taken none of them yet as Im a bit scared by what may happen) I have seen a Psycotherapist/Hypnotherapist and tomorrow I am seeing a Psychiatrist.... When I was younger (poss under 10 - Im 26 now) I used to see a child psychiatrist, my Mum has told me that before I would get into bed I would check things over and over again. As I have got older I know these are somethings that I have done, when I have been in a draw I may have felt as if I have to open and close it a number of times until I feel comfortable, I used to clean things well I mean extremely well again until I felt comfortable, sometimes I would think things over and over in my head until I felt comfortable, my partner has said that sometimes I would stand in hallway staring, perhaps going over things in my head, I could go on but I thionk that you get the gist. With all of these things their seems to be a compulsion - to do it until it feels right. I have never really considered any of this to be a major problem, just something that I do....though at times it could get frustrating. In 2003 I had a lovely little boy, unfortunately, in November 2004 he had an accident, he is fine now and completely recovered. At the beginning of December 2004 I started to feel down and I started to have thoughts, thoughts that didnt seem to have any obvious compulsion to make me feel comfortable. I had thoughts/excessive worries that I might have ignored my Son when he had the accident - though I know I didnt, I also had thoughts that I may have held my Son tightly. Feeling down became feeling downer, I had panic attacks and would lay down alot of the time going over and over these thoughts.... I am now into about my 4th thought, maybe more, that I might have sexually abused a child, though I cant actually remember doing it, unfortunately I can imagine it. Thoughts going over and over and over.... What if I did do these things and forget about them? What if i didnt? Then why am I thinking this? why can I imagine these things if they didnt happen? and on and on, over and over ARGH! I may think that Im ill, that I have OCD, then I might think, but maybe you havent and your trying to blame it on something.... A little while ago I had some really good days , and I felt well, I thought perhaps I was over it, but I wasnt. I am better than I was, I can get up and get on but the thoughts are still there nagging at me, as they are now.... Sometimes I just dont know what to do.... Any feedback please, thanks. Thanks for listening, Luv Ooba. '
  9. Hi Lottie! Thats a good idea, I already have a blog on here, but I might set up another, esp for CBT Ooba x
  10. Hi TR, Just thought I'd say hi and welcome.You'll find lots of great support on the forums, and I hope you feel better soon. I really feel for you, keep posting. Ooba x
  11. Hi all, Hope you are all ok and winning the battle Just thought Id let you know I start my CBT next Monday - that was quick. Ooba xx
  12. Ashley / Mods Do you have an Awareness Week email anywhere? flyer etc? My partner is going to email it out to all the secondary schools in Malling, Maidstone and Sevenoaks. She is a teacher, and schools in those areas are part of their 'partnership' so she is able to do this quite simply. Thanks O x
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