nat@ocd

So Anxiety has been high as i had an inspection by the letting agents which i get every 4 months. I hate cleaning under pressure. Basically I took a bucket of water upstairs ,cleaned the toilet and floor.Went down stairs to throw the sponge outside so it could go in outside bin .Came in .Moved the door mat and noticed what looked like poo on my hand! So now i am thinking why didn't i wash my hands quicker ? Was i going to wash my hands straight away? Have i ever forgotten to wash my hands after cleaning a toilet? Hand washing has never been my ocd but now feel like the whole house is contaminated .I keep trying to remember how it all happened and how i normally do things but i'm struggling.

It will pass only to be replaced by another OCD episode . Funny how i can dismiss your ocd thoughts as silly but i cant apply the logic to my own ocd.

I've had cbt in the past and sertraline but nothing works. Feel so lonely in a OCD bubble.

I feel like no one understands what i am going through in my head .The stress that i am under is making my OCD worse. I have 3 children one of which has Aspergers. He has been urinating in empty drink bottles ,sinks and other places he shouldn't. He breaks everything ,bangs around in his room and is hard work .Sad to say but as much as i love him he makes me anxiety worse. My ocd embarrassingly is that i can't hoover for fear i may vacuum up something important. I check everything i throw away .Now the latest thing is i seem to associate any noise i hear with the last thing i did. Almost like a hypersensitivity to noise has developed. So if i walk to the bin to put something in it but tread on something or hear a noise on route . I cant throw that thing away as i associate "the noise" with what i was doing .It doesn't feel "right" I feel like death would be a relief from it all .Its that bad. Nobody knows or understands when i try to test the water and open up a little.Nobody gets it and i feel like i am going mad.

Does anyone ever get those very rare ocd free moments when its all clear for a milisecond.I cant explain it but for me i think why am i keeping that for example?Like a lights come on and i can see clearly .The only downside to these moments is when the ocd kicks in again the doubt comes big time.

Thanks for all the replies :0). In an episode at the moment so feeling crappy you know how it is "everything will be ok if i sought this one out" when of course it will quickly be replaced by another the day after . Just wish my husband would show a little interest like hope says after all as a couple we have been through . I say to him you do know im sane? Do you think im mad? He will say no but if he catches me checking or i say dont get rid of that i need to check whats in that he will look at me with an expression like ??????????what ? like im a weirdo .

Its like we are an embaressment to them so best not talk about it. It makes me feel as if he cant really love me. I know i'd be researching ocd etc if it were the other way around.

Every time i try to talk to my husband about my OCD or how it makes me feel he seems to roll his eyes or put his head back as if to say oh god. I find this incredibly insulting and unhelpful. From the one person who knows me the best this really upsets me. If someone is brave enough to open up about such an embaressing emotional subject dont insult them by thowing your head back rolling your eyes. Anyone else have this ?

This is soooo like me . Then i get angry with myself .I always make things worse and brake something that was ok if only i could trust myself .

Its like ive lost the ability to concentrate.Recently i had an entrance exam for a job and i couldnt concentrate on the questions.I have this at home where im staring at something and my mind is blank.Ive made a doctors appointment for a week wednesday and im going to suggest another med . With cbt at £50 an hour i wanted to see some improvment but i honestly beleive you cant help someone or understand unless you had or have ocd. They say your homework is to make something deliberatley dirty for example.How do you do that and deal with the stess with 4 kids id explode.Ive screamed before i want to be dead because the stress or anxiety was too much.

cbt just didnt make a difference.I was doing the homework most of the time . Although some of the homework i couldnt do. I get the idea that we have to ignore the compulsions and let thoughts be there.It makes sence in that hour but to put it into practice with 4 kids at home is easier said than done.When im in this frame of mind i cant move on do anything talk to anyone until ive sorted it in my head.But like the therepist says its quickly replaced by something else.Just want to be "normal " whatever that is .

Yeah doctor knows and am not on any meds at the moment as i was having CBTand EMDR .Have tried Cilitropram and Fluoxitine but they kept me awake at night and i felt they didnt help so why take it .Dont know what to do feel so low .

Just recently my ocd has started to me make me really ill. I havn't eaten since wednesday morning and have this nausea feeling which i get when i get into bed and start "thinking" worrying even. It gets to where i have to go downstairs and have to be sick. I have 4 children one of which i foster so im scared to go to my doctors as i may lose my foster daughter when they do my medical later on in the year. This sickness thing started when my husband trod in dogs poo and didnt realise and had been walking it all around the house followed by a water leak in the kitchen . last night i went to bed worrying over what i wiped up when i cleaned the bathroom floor .Did i wipe up something important ;even though i know i wouldnt of . When i wake up i remember the worry then im physically sick .Because i havnt eaten im just reaching and strainng my tummy and throat..Topped with the stress of a teenager and 3 little ones (my husband works away alot) i cant cope with this anymore and feel at a loss. should i go to the doctors? Ive had cbt and emdr therepy and am just the same if not worse!

Has anyone had any issues with leaving accomodation and the checking you havn't left anything ritual .Its really been bad and the thoughts have lasted for days .I was even sick this morning trying to remember every detail. What i threw away or what i might of left. I give myself a headache from trying to remember the sequence in fine detail to what i did .

" I often leave things kind of 'uncompleted' ie tasks not completed properly so that i can 'undo' the action" .....omg i do this but it always backfires on me where i forget to go back to the ritual or someone else for instance flushes the toilet and does it for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then im in bits and so angry i didnt complete it the first time.