How to help my partner

[Guest han]

Hi,

I was wondering if someone could give me some advice? My partner has depression and she seems to have some kind of "issue" and she refuses to talk to me about it. She told me that she was really badly bullied as a child and she seems to have completely closed up since then. She told me that she relies on herself only and that she copes fine with whatever it is that goes on in her head. The thing is i don't think she is coping and she refuses to accept help from me. She just tells me to drop it and says that she doesnt want to talk about it. I don't know how far i should push her but i know that shes not ok she said that shes seen a doctor and was sent to a CPN who didnt help at all and since then doesn't talk to anyone about her problems. All this went on long before the two of us met but i just want to help and i don;t know how!

Thanks for listening xxxxxxxxx

[Rose]

Hi Micky

Sorry to hear about your partner's problems.

I have only suffered from mild depression, but I think it does have a tendency to bring things to the surface that may have been 'buried' for a while. It could be that your partner is trying to deal with strong feelings that are difficult to talk about right now. Maybe make it clear to her that you are there to listen if she wants to talk, but don't force the issue - it may take time before she feels able to open up.

If your partner is very distressed or severely depressed though, she may need to speak to a professional. Maybe she could go back to the doctor and ask to see someone else, perhaps a counsellor, if the CPN isn't helping.

It is hard to watch someone suffering like this, I know, so take care of yourself too. Your partner is very lucky to have your support. :original:

Best wishes

Rose

[Guest Deb]

Hi Micky, welcome.

This must be a very difficult time for you both, recovering from depression is such a battle.

I think perhaps your patience and support will be invaluable to your partner right now and although she may not be ready to "open up" to you just yet, she may well feel able to at some time in the future.

Bullying can cause so many long term feelings and as a Rose said, it's when we feel most vunerable that such feelings can appear to haunt us the most.

Obviously, your partners depression will have an impact on you and looking after yourself is crucial.

Finding out all you can about depression may also be a good idea and help you understand how your partner is feeling and enable you to give positive and effective support. :original:

Very best wishes to you both.

Deb