what is my mind capable of?

[Guest jim]

hello everyone,

I would realy value some of your opinions on the following subject.

I have asked my girlfreind of 1 year to move to her freinds for a while as i cant handle my guilty intrusive thoughts when im around her.The problem is in the past when i have felt sick with guilt i have told her about my most personal thoughts and actions (mostly about thinking i have killed someone,or molested them when i was a child. and persistant thoughts about my ex girlfreind)the trouble is i do this in every relationship i am in.it is ecspecialy hard at the moment as i have stopped taking clomipramine 125mg and iam suffering servere side affects including hallucinations,night terrors,and a numb feeling inside were i dont care about anybody including myself? wich makes it harder because when she asks me if i still love her it makes me obssese wether i actualy do or not.i have not worked for a year and basicaly i just sit indoors while she is at work i feel bad because im not working and have got stuck in a rut. i resent her for this and blame her for my intrusive guilty thoughts(wich is not true she is a lovely person)i wish i could work but im on an nhs waiting list to see a psycologist again.what makes all this so hard is that i have not responded to any medication for ocd over the past 8 years in fact it just makes my intrusive thoughts worse.

does anybody know a way to combat intrusive thoughts iam scared to just let them roll i have a very unhealthy active imagination?

oh just one more thing mam(colombo)not seen it? never mind. a lot of creative arty people seem to suffer from obsessional thoughts (i am an artist by the way)i just wonderd if any one knew of any reaseach that had been done about people with creative minds suffering more from ocd.

p.s sorry about the crappy colombo pun i just like him

james

[Guest marky1982]

Hi James

What do you mean by hallucinations?

and why do you think asking your girlfirend to move out will make your OCD better?

Mark :a1_cheesygrin:

[Guest jim]

hello mark

at night when i feel realy bad i become paronoid and have heard voices in other languages,breathing in my room and outside window and afeeling there is apresence watching me also i talk to a voice in my head that laughs and tells me i have killed someone

with reguards to my girlfreind i just need a break from my intrusive thoughts honestly mate they have become relentless and just come in constant waves i just dont want to hurt her at the moment

[Guest jim]

hello cc

thank you for replying

yes i stopped the medication suddenly i just wanted them out my system and they were prescribed by a psyciatrist but i just dont trust the drugs they have done nothing in the past to stabalize my condition.I have have had c.b.t it did not help at that time but im going to try again.

I do just want some space from girlfreind for both our sakes,but i do care for her i just feel under pressure(david bowie) or was it freddy mercury?

james

[Guest marky1982]

Hi James

I'd agree with CC regarding CBT and trying other medications.

As for being paranoid - I obviously can't tell you what you experience but a lot of people with OCD have strange thoughts which they worry are hallucinations but are really strange thoughts that are intrusive, upsetting and repeat themselves. Paranoia is a symptom of over 80 different illnesses and many different drug side-effects. I think if you were ill in a psychotic sense you wouldn't be on here telling us about your thoughts and being upset by them. I'm not a psychiatrist (wish I was I'd be rich :lol: ) but maybe it's worth getting a second opinion from your GP or being referred to a Community Psychiatric Nurse? Most local NHS Primary Care trusts now have Communtiy Mental Health teams who will see people quickly, so go back to your GP for a referral if possible.

Good luck

Mark :a1_cheesygrin:

[Rachie]

Hi James,

I agree with what Mark and CC have said. I just wondered when did you stop taking the meds? Was it very recently or a while ago?

I hope that you feel better soon, and that your girlfriend can move back in. It might do you good to have a break from each other but it is true that you shouldn't avoid seeing her because it triggers your obsessive thoughts. You say you're scared to let the intrusive thoughts roll, but this is exactly what you need to be able to do. Maybe you can start very slowly and when you get a thought, try to let it come for a little bit longer than you normally would. At the end of the day, James, you have OCD - you won't act on these thoughts and they can't hurt you even though they can be very distressing.

As CC says, Brain Lock is a very good self-help book. There are also other good books for intrusive thoughts - Imp Of The Mind and Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts.

Let us know how you're getting on.

Take care,

Rach

[Caramoole]

I think your first move (even if you don't want to take medication) is to go back and have a chat with your GP. Tell him that you've stopped your medication, and why. Tell him all the worries you have, the hallucinations, the mind chatter, the sense of having no feelings etc.

It's only by being honest and giving a clear picture that the best help can be offered. It may be that depression is a bigger problem at the moment than the OCD.

Caramoole

[Guest jim]

thank u for all your replys sorry it took me so long to get back to you i havent been able to log on for some reason?

[Guest rainbow]

Dear jim

I havent posted for a little while, been so wrapped up in life and all the hurdles it throws ar you, and ocd being the biggest hurdel!!

i'm so sorry that you are so very low and so lonely and trapped! this is such an awlful ilness as well you and all of us know.

I do belelive that the thoughts nearly always pray on the ones you love and care for the most, they find our weekness! AND THAT'S HOW IT GETS YOU. But the only way forward is to try to be strong I know its hard but because you have asked your girlfriend to move out this will not improve the situation long term, yes short term you will feel better, maybe you need that just at the mo, but what ever relationship you are in, becasue of your strong feelings of love there is always a danger of these thoughts! it's becasue you love her so much, if you didnt you wouldn't get them. I have them most days about my dear little girl and like you they hurt like hell.

I will be honest some days I have not wanted to be near her for fear of my thoughts, but I guess I have had no choice but to ride them out, and it is very hard and so draining. Obviously for you your situation is so much harder because you have not yet found a med than can help you, and the fact you are still on a waiting list for help really does not help.

It is only natural that you feel resentment of your girlfriend and the getting out and going to work, don't beat yourself up about this, this is just natural, and not surprising beacause you are indoors all the time. we all feel some form of resentment every day and I know I do because so often ocd stops me doing the things i want to do. I look at other people and often think just for one day you have this and see if you can still smile! But I do smile just not as much as I would like but I know one day I will and so will YOU.

I hope that things get better for you very soon, and that when you feel the time is right your girlfriend will come home so you will not feel so alone, but remember you are not ALONE we are all here

Oh one more thing yes I heard that lots of people with ocd are artistic in one way or another.

I paint draw and in genaral love arty things, and my daughter who also has ocd is a singer song writer!!

so i guess ther are lots of very creative ocd people out there

take care

lv rainbow

[Guest jim]

Dear jim

I havent posted for a little while, been so wrapped up in life and all the hurdles it throws ar you, and ocd being the biggest hurdel!!

i'm so sorry that you are so very low and so lonely and trapped! this is such an awlful ilness as well you and all of us know.

I do belelive that the thoughts nearly always pray on the ones you love and care for the most, they find our weekness! AND THAT'S HOW IT GETS YOU. But the only way forward is to try to be strong I know its hard but because you have asked your girlfriend to move out this will not improve the situation long term, yes short term you will feel better, maybe you need that just at the mo, but what ever relationship you are in, becasue of your strong feelings of love there is always a danger of these thoughts! it's becasue you love her so much, if you didnt you wouldn't get them. I have them most days about my dear little girl and like you they hurt like hell.

I will be honest some days I have not wanted to be near her for fear of my thoughts, but I guess I have had no choice but to ride them out, and it is very hard and so draining. Obviously for you your situation is so much harder because you have not yet found a med than can help you, and the fact you are still on a waiting list for help really does not help.

It is only natural that you feel resentment of your girlfriend and the getting out and going to work, don't beat yourself up about this, this is just natural, and not surprising beacause you are indoors all the time. we all feel some form of resentment every day and I know I do because so often ocd stops me doing the things i want to do. I look at other people and often think just for one day you have this and see if you can still smile! But I do smile just not as much as I would like but I know one day I will and so will YOU.

I hope that things get better for you very soon, and that when you feel the time is right your girlfriend will come home so you will not feel so alone, but remember you are not ALONE we are all here

Oh one more thing yes I heard that lots of people with ocd are artistic in one way or another.

I paint draw and in genaral love arty things, and my daughter who also has ocd is a singer song writer!!

so i guess ther are lots of very creative ocd people out there

take care

lv rainbow

hello rainbow

its so nice to here from people like yourself,your words have struck a chord in me and have helped me to look at things a little better.and i know what you mean about wanting other people who seem happy to experiance this crippaling illness i think like that at times but i feel ultimatly we sufferers are stronger then most because when all is said and done we have no choice but to cope with it and we do.

you sound like you have a very good loving relationship with your daughter and i hope you stay strong.

it would be nice to look at other peoples art work i was thinking of putting some of mine on hear its a bit morbid though!! have you put any of your work on the arty bit?