I can't go on

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

Hiya,

I am really feeling so much worse lately. I feel like giving up on my mental health team and giving up on myself. I am sick of being told by people that i can just change just click my fingers and bang no OCD anymore i am sick of people telling me if i don't stop doing rituals then it obviously means that i like living like this. I feel so **** i really do. I am stuck in this life of OCD and other problems and i feel like no one understands me (apart from you people) i feel maybe now is the time 2 seriously give up on seein my mental health team and give up on myself and just accept this is how my life will be and if i really can't stick it then theres always suicide.

I am feeling really desperate really down. I am having alot of suicidal thoughts i have just had enough. I can't even write a post on here without re writing it and clicking buttons over and over again. I am useless and always be.

Carolyn

Edited May 3, 2006 by Guest

[Guest Shell]

Hiya,

I am really feeling so much worse lately. I feel like giving up on my mental health team and giving up on myself. I am sick of being told by people that i can just change just click my fingers and bang no OCD anymore i am sick of people telling me if i don't stop doing rituals then it obviously means that i like living like this. I feel so **** i really do. I am stuck in this life of OCD and other problems and i feel like no one understands me (apart from you people) i feel maybe now is the time 2 seriously give up on seein my mental health team and give up on myself and just accept this is how my life will be and if i really can't stick it then theres always suicide.

I am feeling really desperate really down. I am having alot of suicidal thoughts i have just had enough. I can't even write a post on here without re writing it and clicking buttons over and over again. I am useless and always be.

Carolyn

Hi

Please don't give up, you are not useless at all. You have obviously spent a long time battling OCD and that takes a lot of guts.

I don't know who said you can just click your fingers and get rid of OCD, because as we all know on here it is much more of a struggle than that. However you have made a huge step already by admitting something is wrong and seeking help. If you don't get on with your mental health team is there any one else you can see who might be more understanding - look at all the options but just don't give up.

Please go and tell someone you are having suicidal thoughts - have you got a close friend or family you can speak to right now. If not I would strongly suggest you go to A and E because you should not be going through this alone.

Love

Shell :hug: :hug:

[Guest REBECCA]

Anyone who says you can click your fingers and get rid of OCD is either misinformed or is being intentionally misleading. Treatment for OCD can be a long and gruelling process of CBT exercises with/without medication. (I believe) the patient has to be fully willing and able to cooperate and be emotionally and even to some extent physically strong to do what's required to get through it.

It IS possible to get through it and recover from OCD.

Do you remember when things felt hopeless for you before? You pulled yourself out of it and were proud of yourself. People here were proud of you too. You can do it again. Don't allow this slump make you feel like giving up. It's up to you. Life is precious. You are precious. Your little girl is precious, and needs you.

Find that fighting spirit Carolyn. There are people here supporting you with every step.

It is never hopeless.

You are not, have never been, and will never be useless. No human being is useless.

With Love,

Rebecca*X

Edited May 3, 2006 by Guest

[Guest marky1982]

Hi Carolyn

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. :helpsmilie: When people - especially the so-called experts - can't understand what you're going through you can feel like there's no hope and there's nowhere to turn. Just because you're getting bad treatment doesn't mean you should give up on yourself. There's you, Carolyn, first and foremost and all the great things about you, then second there's the OCD, which isn't you and it isn't your fault you have OCD or that it's making you down.

We're all here to help and we've been through similar times, so you do have people to help, we are the real experts because we have OCD, not the psychiatrist who makes you feel bad and doesn't know his from his elbow! Things will get better, even though you may not think so at the moment.

take care

Mark

[Guest whirlwind]

Carolyn (((((hug)))))) Im so sorry you feel so bad and feel pretty grim myself too at the moment so I really do sympathise.

Is there anything you can try to do to focus your thoughts somewhere else just for a little while?

can you talk to anyone at all - i have even phoned the Samaritans on several occasions just to get it all off my chest as I feel that my family is fed up with me "moaning and being miserable" as they call it.

dont give up xxx

[Caramoole]

Find that fighting spirit Carolyn. There are people here supporting you with every step.

Indeed there are.

You may be feeling let down, angry, disgruntled, frustrated, disappointed and downright mad at the moment, it's understandable BUT the Carolyn I've seen on here lately has been a fair bit better, a lot stronger and fighting back. Don't let the frustrations of a poor system knock you back.

There's no doubt that much of the work, pushing the boundries has to be done by we sufferers, it's a fact but you can do it Carolyn, a bit at a time.

The best revenge is to show them that you can do this and prove them wrong.

Take Care

Caramoole

[Guest Big Ted]

Carolyn,

I am having a tough time at the moment too and don't feel like there is anyone to talk to...i mean who is going to understand my obsessions except you people in here. I can say though that no matter how bad i feel I am never going to give up and neither should you. Just keep on fighting...we are some of the strongest people getting around and have had to learn a lot more about ourselves than most people will ever do in a lifetime. This is not worth wasting!

I wish you all the best and even though there is high level of annonymity in this forum there is also a great deal of love an empathy which you can draw on at any time.

Jas

[Guest Dippy]

Sorry to hear your going through a tough time at the moment :hug:

I'm going through the same thing as yourself. I'm planning on going away for a while, taking a break from everything. Could you go away somewhere or maybe do something to take your mind off things?

If your not happy with the mental health team is there anyway that you can change?

Sorry if I haven't been much help but I wanted to post something as I know how you feel.

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

Thank you all of you. I still feel pretty down but i finally had a good night sleep last night. I just feel my mental health team are so useless that i don't really have any proper help and i can't do everything on my own so i maybe i should just give up on them and myself.

Carolyn

Edited May 4, 2006 by Guest

[Rachie]

Hi Carolyn, don't give up. Where's that fighting spirit we saw when you wrote that letter? Come on, get angry again and that'll make you want to fight. You deserve to be helped and you will get it if you stick to your guns.

Rach xx

[Guest Jinxed33]

Hi Carolyn,

I thought I would reply to you because I too suffer from thought's about harming my child, I was doing so well a few week's ago but I have had a bit of a dip again lately with the ocd. We will get through this even though we feel like we never will I used to have good day's and bad day's but now it is good week's and bad week's. And I am better than I was 8 month's ago, and I think we have to take it one step at a time. I am feeling like a bad person at the moment for having these thought's and that I should be locked up, I hope we will feel better tomorrow.

Love Jinxed

xxx

[Guest hayley73]

Hi AnxiousCarolyn

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was in the grip of OCD really badly 9 years ago, I thought life was over. I was a single mum with a 4 year old boy. I didn't know where too turn. I didn't get diagnosed with OCD for ages. I thought I was losing my mind.

Its been a battle but life is definately better now. I too have had bad experiences with Mental Health staff. I had bad experiences with some medications too. I felt like killing myself so many times. THANK GOD I NEVER!!!!!

Life isn't all rosy now but definately so much better. I started a relationship with someone I went out with years ago. I always thought I would be by myself. On 1st April this year we got married. I now have a 5 year old step son and we have a 5 month old son between us.

Don't get me wrong OCD is there hovering in the background all the time. That nagging little voice is relentless somedays. But these days I feel strong enough to deal with things.

NEVER EVER GIVE UP - LIFE IS PRECIOUS. Things will get better.

Please feel free to personal message me. The only problem is that I don't get near the computer somedays as everyone else gets there first.

[Guest milly]

just accept this is how my life will be and if i really can't stick it then theres always suicide.

Carolyn

I used to think 'this is how my life is going to be' but as CC said to me on here the other day, we shouldn't hettle for 'feeling ok' or 'coping'.

You have one very positive factor in your favour Carolyn - you WANT to get better. Don't even talk about suicide... you have searched for an answer for too long to give up like that. Since I started on this forum a few weeks ago I have read your posts and followed your battle with the mental health team. You are a strong person and you are fighting for the help you deserve. If you didn't want to get better you wouldn't be trying so hard. Keep going and keep strong. Yes, it's going to be a long journey but the point is, you have started it by seeking further help.

Please go and see another GP. Take print outs of what you have said on here becuase you speak from the heart on here.

x

[Guest doubtman]

just keep hangin on in there carolyn, u wont feel like this 4ever ive had suicidal thoughts before, but they do go away, believe me.

god bless, robbie

[Guest AnxiousCarolyn]

Hey Carolyn

What do you think has happened the past few days that have triggered you to feel this way? Things have been going fairly well for you recently until your recent appointment with your Psychiatrist. I hope this isn't what has triggered such feelings of despair? I think it has a bit.

Try to remember what has helped you in the past to feel better. You have been here before and come through the other end...so think about what helped you to achieve this.

You say your mental health team is rubbish. Talk to me about who you see. I recall you saying you had a CPN and a Psychiatrist and you spoke highly of your CPN? I know you found your appointment with your Psychiatrist upsetting but does this mean that everyone involved in your support is rubbish? My CPN is ok shes the only one out of all of them.

Sometimes we have a tendency to make sweeping negative statements about everything but, when we actually sit down and unpick things, it isn't as bad as we are actually believing it to be.

Another tendency we have is to put words into peoples mouths. You say that they think you should just stop doing your rituals otherwise, if you don't, this is how you want to live your life. Has someone actually said this? Or, as I frequently do, is this your OCD putting a spin on what they have actually said? He did say i can change making it sound very simple and making it sound like it can

happen quickly and he actually said the only reason i could n't just change is if i was psychotic.

Hope you are feeling better today . Not really but i wish i did.

CC

xxx

Edited May 5, 2006 by Guest

[Guest Kurlena]

Hi Carolyn

If it's any consolation, you're not alone in suffering from this thing. I have clinical depression and OCD and it is only recently that I began realising that the OCD has been the big problem all along. It is that which has created the depression and still fuels it.

I always thought OCD was just about checkinvt hings but of course it's not; in my case unrelenting, obbessive thoughts.

About the suicidal feelings; I take a cocktail of tablets and none of them work or so I think. The hospital guy said well yes but you're better than you were. I find walking is great, I mean proper walking. The best thing I did was invest in a good pair of walking boots and every other week I get a train or a bus somewhere and then disappear into the countryside for the day. It sounds trite but it has helped.

Take care

Chris

Hiya,

I am really feeling so much worse lately. I feel like giving up on my mental health team and giving up on myself. I am sick of being told by people that i can just change just click my fingers and bang no OCD anymore i am sick of people telling me if i don't stop doing rituals then it obviously means that i like living like this. I feel so **** i really do. I am stuck in this life of OCD and other problems and i feel like no one understands me (apart from you people) i feel maybe now is the time 2 seriously give up on seein my mental health team and give up on myself and just accept this is how my life will be and if i really can't stick it then theres always suicide.

I am feeling really desperate really down. I am having alot of suicidal thoughts i have just had enough. I can't even write a post on here without re writing it and clicking buttons over and over again. I am useless and always be.

Carolyn