Stephen Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 Hi NS Sorry you've had a bad evening (and never feel the need to apologise for a 'depressing' post). I think your sister's reaction was probably predictable but fairly unhelpful. It's obviously difficult for her to see the issue objectively as she is too close to it, whereas sharing it on the board to us dispassionate 'strangers' is going to get a more objective reaction. It must be difficult and upsetting for her to know what's been happening to you - maybe she feels a little guilty too, for not being aware of what you've been going through, but shows it in anger and 'guilt-tripping'? It's obvious and predicatable that anyone you speak to (including us) would want you to stop self-harming, but from what you have said earlier I can see that it's not easy to just do that. An open question - what would be the most effective thing for others to say to you, for you to cut down and/or cease self-harming? You tell us what you want us to say that will help you do this, and we will say this to you. You could maybe take the same approach with your family! Why don't you direct her to read this thread, so she can see what's been going through your mind, and how you have been feeling yourself? Obviously if you do this you might want to ask Ashie to delete the last couple of posts that mention her! As for the visit to your mother, I don't really know. Obviously your family are concerned for you, and probably want to see you soon, but your friends, and your independence, are important too. All the best Stephen Link to comment
Guest Person Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 I am not sure whether this is a responsible thing to write. I THINK IT WOULD BE BEST TO STOP SH ALTOGETHER. On a practical note, for those who are trying to stop SHing, but still do so now and then, I think it might be helpful to watch out in terms of safety. If it is the pain one wants, then grabbing ice or even bruise-knocking would be more painful and less dangerous than cutting (in terms of infection). If it is the wound one wants, then using a blunt object would create a larger superficial wound yet be less dangerous than a razor (in terms of lacerating an important nerve or vessel). In addition to being less dangerous, it would probably also help to break the addiction because one switches to a method which is less 'satisfying'. This is just my opinion. Link to comment
Northern Star Posted May 28, 2004 Author Share Posted May 28, 2004 Hi Alan, Caramoole, Stephen, Person, Thank you for your kind replies. Please forgive me for not replying a very long post at the moment - it has been an emotionally draining and somewhat bad afternoon. Hugs to you all, NS Link to comment
whitebeam Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 it has been an emotionally draining and somewhat bad afternoon. Hope you're feeling a bit more relaxed now - did you have exams? I assume it's your half term next week - hope you can relax for some of it and have a rest from revision. The exams'll be over soon . Hope you get things sorted with your Mum, Dad and sister - it is difficult for families to come to terms with things sometimes; it can be a shock for them as they haven't realised things are so difficult for you and then they feel bad for not having realised. Families are complicated things sometimes!!! Anyway, take care whitebeam Link to comment
Guest Crispie Posted May 29, 2004 Share Posted May 29, 2004 Hello-- I FINALLY remembered to let you know a website that has many suggestions, too on GAD and SH, meds, and other depressive disorders, not encouraging anyone to leave this one that is FOR SURE!! But you CAN use both! There is even a spot for OCD. It is http://www.depressionforums.com Hope it can be of good use to you with finding different things to do instead of SH--that REALLY helps!! Best Wishes--Crispie Link to comment
Northern Star Posted May 29, 2004 Author Share Posted May 29, 2004 Hi again, whitebeam - thanks for your post . Yes, I had 2 exams in the morning (French) but they went ok (slightly odd essay but ok!). I'm just trying to focus on getting through this next week ok, have lots of work to do and am not sure how i'll cope with the week in general, but things always work out in the end, don't they? Crispie - thanks for the website - it looks really informative (and i won't be leaving this one for that one!) Hugs, NS Link to comment
whitebeam Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Hi Star, but things always work out in the end, don't they? They do seem to - I know sometimes I've thought I'd never get through certain times ('A' levels was one of those) but yes, we usually manage to battle through!! Hope the week's not too bad for you. Take care whitebeam Link to comment
Guest Hypnosinc Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 Hi Star, I hope you've been able to take advantage of the break over the weekend. I felt I needed to come back to you in the light of what you've just written about the way other people are dealing with the SH. I can neither criticise nor apologise for what your family are saying about it. They have a right to have those feelings, they love you, but like all families they probably feel that if you could just see how it affects them, you would try harder to stop. I'm sorry but how it affects them is irrelevant. If pushing people into guilt trips actually worked, it would have been introduced as a standard part of therapy. All you can do is acknowledge that they feel that way, and then try as far as possible to ignore whatever they say about how it affects them. We all have to take personal reponsibility for own thoughts and feelings. It isn't just those with OCD who have to recognise that. The suggestion that "your actions make me feel bad", are actually an acknowledgement that whoever it is does not accept that responsibility, that they are choosing to feel bad, when there are 100 alternative emotions to feel. It would be a heck of a lot more honest if they could say, "I am choosing to feel bad in response to your actions" That is what is actually happening after all. So as I say, acknowledge their feelings and leave them to get on with dealing with them. You have enough on your plate at this time. Link to comment
Northern Star Posted June 1, 2004 Author Share Posted June 1, 2004 Thank you whitebeam and Sinclair. Sinclair - your suggestion seems very wise to me Link to comment
Guest xena Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 I have just noticed this topic, and i just wanted to add i was self harming for about a year, bruising myself and cutting, it all stopped last year thankfully when my OCD was diagnosed. At the time it was happening it kind of broke the OCD chain in my head, if that makes sense....??? Anyway i just wanted to say to anyone else who self harms, please get some help as you really can get over it, i have just got to work through my OCD now Link to comment
Northern Star Posted June 2, 2004 Author Share Posted June 2, 2004 Thanks for your positive post xena! I'm so pleased you managed to sort the SH out, hopefully the OCD will follow suit very soon! Link to comment
Northern Star Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 I feel that maybe it's time for a little update from me... As I'm sure you've gathered from some of my previous posts, it has been a bit difficult some of the time recently. The SH, after having been gone for a week, is unfortunately back. I don't understand it, I think i've said this before, but i don't understand how it can make me feel better, the only explanation i've heard is that it releases endorphins, which gives a sense of "high". Link to comment
Northern Star Posted June 3, 2004 Author Share Posted June 3, 2004 Going back to some of the earlier posts that i haven't really replied to properly:- Alan - Thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences of this horrible subject. Looking back in my life I can see so many more things that didn’t make sense so many feelings and thoughts that I didn’t understand and that I kept secret from everybody Yes - i don't understand feeling like this - i don't understand how something as seemingly simple as, for example, getting the impression (unfounded i think) that someone else in my family is maybe a bit fed-up because of me of something i've done can cause me to do this. When that happens, what doesn't make sense is why my initial reaction is sometimes to turn in on myself. I use to wear long sleeves to hide the cuts on my arms I wear long sleeves most of the time, thankfully i no longer swim so there's no hassle there about people seeing the scars and when i do PE i can wear a long-sleeved top over the top so they can't see. Sometimes i put a bandage over them but that sometimes draws more attention to it and so i have to "have slipped over" or something. the release, the feeling, the knowledge of knowing I was only hurting myself and not others, even though I wanted to make the world feel and see what I felt without hurting them,I still hided it, confusion and pain but I could never put into words. Again, this is how i feel - i don't want to hurt anyone else - it's me i want to hurt. Some of the time I can't really say why i want to hurt me, and the rest of the time how could i explain to someone why i find something i hate about myself and then go on to hurt myself? Caramoole - i know that they only worry because they care. I just can't take the added pressure from my sister about giving up because i'm hurting people around me. This is why i'm glad Sinclair said what he did in his June 1st post. I also understand about how it must be even harder for they to understand. A few years back one of my friends was SHing and i tried it and i couldn't do it. And i couldn't understand how a) her doing that to herself could possibly help her, and b) how she could actually hurt herself like that. It was only when i started SHing last year that i started to partially understand the answer to those questions. An open question - what would be the most effective thing for others to say to you, for you to cut down and/or cease self-harming? You tell us what you want us to say that will help you do this, and we will say this to you. You could maybe take the same approach with your family! £64,000 question Stephen! And one that's very difficult for me to answer. Quite simply, I don't know what would help. I once was talking to someone about it and i said that i'd done it that time because i wanted them to see that i was still hurting, that everything hadn't got better. She replied that she knew i was still hurting. That helped. Apart from that, i don't really know. I wish i could say what it was, i really do. I'll have to keep thinking about it though. Why don't you direct her to read this thread, so she can see what's been going through your mind, and how you have been feeling yourself? Obviously if you do this you might want to ask Ashie to delete the last couple of posts that mention her! That would be very hard, if not impossible. When she first found out about my OCD, one of the things she said to me was that i don't have it. I don't want anyone to think that she's uncaring or anything, it's just that you're seeing examples of her maybe not reacting in the most positive/helpful way, rather than her caring side. Obviously, being told i didn't have OCD wasn't very helpful. I wouldn't be able to ask her to read an OCD forum as it would drag it all up again and i don't tend to talk to her about stuff that is close to my heart like this, same goes for the self-harm unfortunately. Person - I THINK IT WOULD BE BEST TO STOP SH ALTOGETHER.On a practical note, for those who are trying to stop SHing, but still do so now and then, I think it might be helpful to watch out in terms of safety. Indeed, you're right. The perfect solution would be for me to get everything sorted and to stop. Failing that, it is important to be safe. My school nurse, who knows about it, often nags (in a nice way) me to be safe. Link to comment
Guest xena Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Just wanted to say there is a really good article on self harm in July's issue of Cosmopolitan, it's out now... Link to comment
Northern Star Posted June 16, 2004 Author Share Posted June 16, 2004 Thanks for that xena :grin: Sounds to me like a good reason to go and buy Cosmopolitan! Link to comment
Stephen Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 How's it going NS? (if you don't mind me asking?) All the best Stephen Link to comment
Northern Star Posted June 20, 2004 Author Share Posted June 20, 2004 Hi Stephen, Thanks for asking Hmmm....things have been a bit up and down recently. Following on from 2 weeks being free of it, the SH is back I still haven't plucked up the courage to talk to my parents about it (they found out via my school almost 5 weeks ago) but my mum has since asked me if I still cut and I said no. Which was true at the time. Then yesterday I had a golden opportunity to tell her, which I stupidly didn't take. She saw some marks on my face from it and asked if I'd scratched myself. I should have said yes, since that would have been true, although probably not in the way she was thinking (i.e. accidentally, on the holly hedge etc - although obviously I can't say for sure that this is what she was thinking). But me being me, said that it was the cats. My poor cats get blamed a lot for this. At school on Fri, a few people asked about it - some assumed it was one of the cats, others asked and i said it was a cat. Only one person (a friend of mine in the year above) did I actually tell the truth to. She was understanding, which was lovely. It would be good for me to tell at least one of my parents, I just can't manage it. Some people have suggested that I write it down, but I'm not sure how I'd cope with the aftermath, you know after they've read it and when they want to talk about it. I have an incentive to stop though - I've just ordered a sleeveless top and I want to have nice arms in the summer so that I can wear it! I have no idea whether or not that will happen though - only time will tell! Link to comment
Stephen Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Hi NS Thanks for the update! Don't depress yourself over the 'relapse'. Two steps forward, one step back. Now take a couple of steps forward again! I think you maybe need to take the bull by the horns and get talking to your parents about it - don't blurt it out perhaps, but do try to make use of the next natural opportunity that arises. It's good you've also got an incentive too - the sleeveless top. This has helped one or two of the CSP sufferers too! Take care (mentally and physically) Stephen Link to comment
Northern Star Posted June 27, 2004 Author Share Posted June 27, 2004 Well, I've identified something that makes me feel down, not so much a trigger in itself, although feeling rubbish is. Shame it's nothing I can change though :crybaby: Link to comment
Northern Star Posted August 15, 2004 Author Share Posted August 15, 2004 eerrmm, a bit of a strange post (sorry) ...has been a week since last time I harmed myself and to be honest there's only been 1 time since then (before tonight) that I've wanted to and that time I didn't, because to me the relief I knew I'd probably get from that wasn't enough to outweigh how bad I knew I'd feel the next day about it (if that makes sense). But then tonight, I don't know why, I want to and basically what I think I'm asking for here is reasons/encouragement not to. Thanks guys Link to comment
Guest patsy Posted August 15, 2004 Share Posted August 15, 2004 Hi NS, Please don't think that way sweetheart! You have done so well recently and it must be v hard for you to fight harming yourself. If you feel like you need someone to talk to, pm me now. I'll be here as long as you want me to be! Patsy xx Link to comment
Northern Star Posted August 16, 2004 Author Share Posted August 16, 2004 thanks for being really lovely to me tonight Patsy Link to comment
Guest patsy Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 You're so welcome sweetheart You take good care now and let me know how you are ok!! Love Patsy xx Link to comment
Northern Star Posted August 17, 2004 Author Share Posted August 17, 2004 Hi all, Just wanted to share my mini success with you! Earlier today I managed to knock the door mirror and mudflap off the car (am very ). When he was taking all the stuff off to get the old one out (I know no technical stuff about cars) it was chucking it down so I was holding umbrella and helping and I felt like **** and thought I'm gonna have to self-harm. Anyways, I went to garage with dad, ordered new mirror etc, will be there to be picked up tomorrow. Now, my dad was understandably somewhat in a bad mood about the whole situation but was fine after I dropped him off somewhere where he plays sport. When he got out of the car he was lovely, asked if I was ok etc and I said yes but really was just thinking 'please get out of the car before I break down in front of you'. Anyway once he'd gone immediately I was in floods of tears when I was just reversing out and then was still in tears when I got home. On the way home I was thinking about self-harm. One of the biggest reasons today for not harming myself was that next time I see my psychologist he wants to see my parents and me together and I thought that I didn't want to have to say that I'd self-harmed today. When I got home I didn't self-harm, but instead finished packing up a parcel and went out and posted it. When I got back I no longer wanted to self-harm. In actual fact I'm pleased that I didn't, I think I would be feeling worse if I had. Link to comment
Guest patsy Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Hi Northern Star, Yay, that's really good to hear! I'm so glad you didn't either! Glad you posted about your success. Take care now, Love Patsy xx Link to comment
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