self-harm

[Ashley]

Congratualtions NS, proud of you mate.

[Northern Star]

Thanks guys

[whitebeam]

Well done, Star for not SH-ing. You seem to be getting more control with this and that's brilliant :blushing: .

I liked your little cat too!!

[Northern Star]

Thanks whitebeam

btw my real cats are in the gallery too now!

[Caramoole]

Well Done NS :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

I'm really pleased for you :crybaby:

I don't "know" much about self harming but my OCD has morphed into a silly session where I'll suddenly *think* 'you don't want help, you don't want to get better, that's almost like a self-harm thingy and it stinks so Well Done You Girl....go from strength to strength :grin:

[Caramoole]

....and as a post script to that.......

It also thought the other day....You don't want to win the Lottery

So now I know for certain it is not only stupid but a b*!#dy liar

This OCD is completely Mad :crybaby:

[Northern Star]

Thanks Caramoole

So now I know for certain it is not only stupid but a b*!#dy liar

This OCD is completely Mad 

and you're definitely right there! :crybaby:

[Northern Star]

Apologies for bringing this horrible subject up to the top again but I am hurting. I don't know what's the matter with me :confused1:. 3 times this week now I have self-harmed and tonight's was rubbish. Sometimes my reason for it is to get a release and I always used to feel better after it, even though it was only for a short time. But tonight I couldn't get to feel any better. I felt no better by the end than when I started. :lol:

Please no-one be nice to me, I don't deserve it

[Guest Dragonfruit]

Can't not be nice to you. You deserve support and kindness not chastisement.

We all have times when we feel rotten and I can totally relate to the self-harm urges.

You know what I'll say so I won't bore you with all the advice again - but beating yourself up about it will make you feel even worse - don't celebrate it - but just pick yourself back up again and start over.

You can beat it and you will

[catherine]

Please no-one be nice to me, I don't deserve it 

I know you will find this difficult to truly believe, but nothing could be further from the truth :lol: . You are one tough girl who has to battle day after day with OCD and you are entitled to help. Your's is an illness in the same way as heart disease or diabetes is, except it's probably a damn sight harder to manage psychologically. You have so much to contend with and I think you do incredibly well to hold your life together the way you do.

Please try not to beat yourself up as you are such a valuable person. You will make it one day because as you say yourself, 'dreams can come true'. I genuinely believe we are all born with a purpose and one day that purpose is understood. I know I was born to look after my mum and to me I'm the most privelaged person alive to have been able to do that. One day you just suddenly realise 'I was born for this moment' and it's a lovely feeling which you take with you for the rest of your life. No one can ever take that away from you.

Personally I have absolutely no time for prima donna movie stars, TV 'personalities', footballers etc. I couldn't give a toss whether I ever met any of them, but I do care about people like you and others on this board. I just find so much inspiration from reading what people say.

You make a difference and you must try to start believing this :confused1: We will never give up on you

Take care

Catherine

[Northern Star]

I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand :blushing: :lol: :lol: :crybaby: :crybaby:

What is wrong with me? why can't I just be someone else? I hurt everyone, I overdosed it hurt them, I cut and I told them (which they wanted me to - being open with them about it is so hard for me and I was tonight) and she's disappointed with me and I think she's angry that I didn't tell her on thurs when I did it and I've tried to tell her stuff that's stressing me out like this interview and that my OCD will be bad when I'm down there and I don't think she believes me and I don't even know why I'm writing this, I'll probably regret it all in the morning and :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby:

[Guest Crispie]

Northern Star--

Ok, Chick. Stop! Stop the self-hatred!! You are not perfect, none of us are. There are reasons for all we do, but sometimes we can figure it out, and sometimes we can't. I used to SH, not very long ago, actually. I LOOKED, and LOOKED and LOOKED for a reason why I hated myself SO MUCH that I would do that to myself. I was out of control. And you know what, it DIDN'T help to have someone to tell the truth to!! They usually were VERY disappointed that I did it, and didn't come to them first! Real good incentive--not! Needless to say, it just made me want to hurt myself MORE, b/c I disappointed them!!!!!!!!

Is that where you are at?? Feeling shameful and guilty??? I have a few websites that helped me a LOT with guilt and shame, and its' source. Here are some

http://www.joy2meu.com http://www.coping.org http://www.intouch.org

I have them in my favorites, I hope they still get you to those links, I haven't been to them in awhile. And you know what else...my shame and guilt were ACTUALLY from hidden anger!!!!!!!!!!!! I did NOT KNOW IT, until my counselor confronted me!!! And I found info on that at this site http://www.mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap7/

And one more question...are you a sensitive person? Do you get your feelings hurt easily, or cry easily? If so, that could be the source of all of your feelings too. Check out http://www.hsperson.com and take the highly sensitive person test. See how you score. I have been freed from all of my questioning in my life, about WHY I do and say the things I do, why I feel so hurt so much, why I feel people don't understand where I am coming from. And ALL of these were some core issues WHY I was hurting myself. I didn't know WHY!!! And now I know they are just my personality traits and I can accept that! :blushing:

But, PLEASE Northern Star, NEVER GIVE UP!!! There are a whole lot of people who care about you, keep coming back and don't be afraid EVER to say how you feel, or what is going on. And if we need to kick your butt, we will! Most of the time, we'll just accept you, and try to help you in any way we can. But YOU need to take care of YOU, too. Check out the sites. That ought to keep you busy for awhile!! :lol: We love you BUNCHES!!!! Write me anytime!! I will try to keep in touch! HUGEHUGS--Crispie(Chris)

[Northern Star]

Thanks so much Chris :lol:

I am much calmer today and feeling much happier, yay! :crybaby:

And you know what, it DIDN'T help to have someone to tell the truth to!!  They usually were VERY disappointed that I did it, and didn't come to them first!  Real good incentive--not!  Needless to say, it just made me want to hurt myself MORE, b/c I disappointed them!!!!!!!!

Is that where you are at??  Feeling shameful and guilty??? 

Yes, that is what I was feeling. I know that self-harm isn't the answer and I am going to make a real effort to stop but if I do slip up and cut and manage to tell them (which like I've said before is hard for me to tell my parents) then I really don't need for them to be disappointed with me because that makes me feel worse and more like SH etc and so it's a vicious circle.

Thanks also for the websites - I will check them out :crybaby:.

And one more question...are you a sensitive person?  Do you get your feelings hurt easily, or cry easily? 

I am quite sensitive :blushing:.

But, PLEASE Northern Star, NEVER GIVE UP!!!  There are a whole lot of people who care about you, keep coming back and don't be afraid EVER to say how you feel, or what is going on. 

Most of the time, we'll just accept you, and try to help you in any way we can.  But YOU need to take care of YOU, too.  Check out the sites.  That ought to keep you busy for awhile!! :crybaby: We love you BUNCHES!!!!  Write me anytime!!  I will try to keep in touch!  HUGEHUGS--Crispie(Chris)

thanks again

And if we need to kick your butt, we will!

:lol:

[blue]

Hi ns :lol:

I'm you were feeling so down mate :lol: i'm so glad you're feeling better today :crybaby:

Well done for telling your parents about the selfharm, i know it didn't go as you'd hoped it would but remember, that was a big step mate so well done :blushing:

I have selfharmed in the past and have managed to pull through, so i know you can do the same shug i know you can.

Just keep fighting mate everyone thinks so much of youx

You're a great person and you will get better mate, keep posting and letting this out and i can be here whenever you need a friend, everx

take care

love bluexx

[Northern Star]

Thank you so much blue :blushing:

[blue]

Your welcome mate :blushing:

like i said, any time ever if you need me.

You take care shugxx

love bluexx

[Guest vanillablini]

Hi Northern Star :blushing:

I am much calmer today and feeling much happier, yay!

Glad to hear that! :lol:

I know that self-harm isn't the answer and I am going to make a real effort to stop

You have already taken the right direction, it was good that you came on here last night and talked about it and I agree with blue that it is a brave step forward to talk to your parents about it, and I'm sorry it didn't go well.

You are right about the vicious circle.

But probably it is a process of learning for loved ones (family, friends) too, gaining insight, learning how to support you best, learning about their own reactions and unfortunately this is not always in sync with what you need in that moment.

Some reactions might also come from that your loved ones are worried about you and scared and just don't know so much about self harm yet.

You might have done that already but maybe it would be a good idea to discuss this problem in one of your next therapy sessions.

I think you are doing well by opening up and talking and you really shouldn't blame yourself. While I certainly wouldn't want you to self harm, we all know that recovering is a process and that setbacks unfortunately can happen. So it wasn't your fault and you haven't let anyone down. It is about your wellbeing, not about achieving something in a perfect way. The situations or triggers where you feel like you want to self harm will come again, but you already know that you have found other options like talking about your feelings.

Also, with all your projects you have a lot to juggle at the moment and you should take into account that you are under quite some stress at the moment.

Take good care of yourself, try to notice what makes you feel good.

Your wellbeing is something precious, try to explore what makes it grow.

I hope this week goes very well for you.

:lol: vanillablini

[Northern Star]

You have already taken the right direction, it was good that you came on here last night and talked about it and I agree with blue that it is a brave step forward to talk to your parents about it, and I'm sorry it didn't go well.

Today my mum has been better. We have not spoken about the self-harm today but she has been nicer in general I think. I know it is just that she is scared and upset and hurt but today she has coped with it in a way which is better for me too (gosh I'm selfish! :lol: ).

But probably it is a process of learning for loved ones (family, friends) too, gaining insight, learning how to support you best, learning about their own reactions and unfortunately this is not always in sync with what you need in that moment.

Some reactions might also come from that your loved ones are worried about you and scared and just don't know so much about self harm yet.

Yes - I am hoping that maybe they will try to look up some info on self-harm so that they can understand it better. I know that before I started to self-harm I didn't understand it and so that is probably the same for them.

You might have done that already but maybe it would be a good idea to discuss this problem in one of your next therapy sessions.

My psychologist knows that I self-harm but he also knows that I promised my parents that I would try to stop ( :crybaby: ). I will tell him that I cut again though and will try to say what it was that made me do so, even though I'm not sure I always know what it is that triggers it.

Also, with all your projects you have a lot to juggle at the moment and you should take into account that you are under quite some stress at the moment.

Mmmm yes this half-term has certainly been stressful. Christmas holidays in 2 weeks though so hopefully I will be able to relax a little (before revising for my exams in January! :blushing: ). Also once all the uni stuff is over that should hopefully take some of the stress off too.

Thanks for your support vanillablini :lol:

[Guest vanillablini]

Today my mum has been better. We have not spoken about the self-harm today but she has been nicer in general I think. I know it is just that she is scared and upset and hurt but today she has coped with it in a way which is better for me too (gosh I'm selfish! ).

No you're not, that's exactly what it's about, what is good for [/i]you.

And good it went better today, your mum might have thought about it in the meantime.

But probably it is a process of learning for loved ones (family, friends) too, gaining insight, learning how to support you best, learning about their own reactions and unfortunately this is not always in sync with what you need in that moment.

I didn't mean to defend your parents of course, I just thought it might be really important and helpful that they got better informed about the subject.

Some reactions might also come from that your loved ones are worried about you and scared and just don't know so much about self harm yet.

Yes - I am hoping that maybe they will try to look up some info on self-harm so that they can understand it better. I know that before I started to self-harm I didn't understand it and so that is probably the same for them.

Maybe you could direct them to good web pages for a start?

Similar to this web page, with a section where also family and friends can find information and help.

My psychologist knows that I self-harm but he also knows that I promised my parents that I would try to stop ( ).

I actually meant if you could talk to him about the problem of your parents reactions.

I will tell him that I cut again though and will try to say what it was that made me do so, even though I'm not sure I always know what it is that triggers it.

I think it's good if you can tell him, sometimes it needs a little time to work out with your therapist how to work on a problem.

Thanks for your support vanillablini

I'm afraid I haven't been of much help, but my heart goes out to you.

[Northern Star]

Thanks vanillablini for your reply.

I actually meant if you could talk to him about the problem of your parents reactions.

I will talk to him about this next time I see him (next week).

I'm afraid I haven't been of much help, but my heart goes out to you.

Don't put yourself down - you have been helpful!

[Northern Star]

I am so up and down right now - half an hour ago I was in tears, now I'm a bit better. I'm not sure why I go up and down so much. What I wanted to ask was what does anyone else do when they're down. I'm sure there have to be better ways of coping than self-harm so anyone got any please?

[blue]

Hi ns

Sorry you were feeling down mate, i'm glad you're feeling a bit better now shug

I get this too mate, one minute i can be o.k, then the next i can be totally down again.

When i'm feeling down i try to do things that make me feel good, like listening to my favourite music or watching a good film or a comedy that usually helpsxx

Plus we've had a pup and taking her out is good although the ocd is kicking in, in that area now .

I hope this helps a little mate, plus you could always come on here and just chat about thingsxx

love bluexx

[Northern Star]

Thanks again blue

I have been chatting to people for about 1 - 1 1/2 hours now on msn and the phone and I have found that it has helped. Even though I've not been talking about the self-harm much my SH mood seems to have lifted (for now - I'm not too sure how long it will last). Am gonna do some homework and put a 'Friends' DVD on and cuddle up with the cat

[blue]

Hi ns

You're welcome

I think it's a good idea to chat with people mate it take's your mind of things.

I know how hard this is for you mate as i've selfharmed in the past and the urges are so strong, but you are doing well mate remember that , the fact that you've managed to resist it, is fantastic. keep going shugxx

Put you're dvd on and try and have a chilled night, you deserve it

I've seen the pics of your cats in the gallery, they are cuties

Take care shug

And good luck with the homeworkxx

love and bluexx

[Guest vanillablini]

Hey, Northern Star

I'm sorry you're not feeling good.

I have no experience with self harm myself, so unfortunately again I feel that my reply is not really that helpful.

So I can only add a few things I do when I feel down as a sort of a general approach.

I think I usually try to call a friend and talk about what makes me feel sad or overwhelmed.

Sometimes it just helps me to ask them how they are, if I feel too sad at first to speak about myself, and then, very often one subject leads to the next and suddenly I can open up.

It also helps me when I feel down in general, without a specific reason, just to be in contact with someone. Very good is also if I can meet up with someone whom I feel comfortable with. With some friends I feel so comfortable and their personality almost rubs off on me and I feel better and calmer just being around them.

If there is no one around whom I can speak too, I sometimes try to dance.

This must sound ridiculous, but I put music on and it's sometimes difficult in the beginning, but very often the music inspires me and I want to move and then start to feel better. Or sometimes I have this curiousity and actually want to find a movement which expresses what I feel at that moment.

Often this changes then as I follow the music, the movements and my emotions, and often after a while I feel much better and just start dancing away..

The main thing is maybe, that I try to give it all some shape, whether I talk to a friend or whether I dance.

Hope this still helps a little and hope you are feeling better soon

vanillablini