self-harm

[Northern Star]

Hi, me again

Thanks for the hugs

I think it's a good idea to chat with people mate it  take's your mind of things.

Yeah - it really helped chatting to them .

I know how hard this is for you mate as i've selfharmed in the past and the urges are so strong, but you are doing well mate remember that , the fact that you've managed to resist it, is fantastic. keep going shugxx

I don't think I'm going to manage much longer though I am trying to focus on how bad I'll feel if I cut again but it doesn't seem to be working right now

I've seen the pics of your cats in the gallery, they are cuties

Aaww, thanks . Although I had a bit of a fright this morning - woke up at 4am ( ) and one of them was asleep on my bed and the other was sitting there watching me - was a bit alarming!

I have no experience with self harm myself, so unfortunately again I feel that my reply is not really that helpful.

Something I have to say is that I have been amazed by how much some people who have no experience of self-harm seem to understand it. I don't mean to sound patronising when I say that but a few people now that I have talked to who don't and never have self-harmed seem to understand what it's like. I know I didn't understand it until I SH-ed myself

Sometimes it just helps me to ask them how they are, if I feel too sad at first to speak about myself, and then, very often one subject leads to the next and suddenly I can open up.

It also helps me when I feel down in general, without a specific reason, just to be in contact with someone. Very good is also if I can meet up with someone whom I feel comfortable with. With some friends I feel so comfortable and their personality almost rubs off on me and I feel better and calmer just being around them.

If I am in contact with someone then that does sometimes help - friends help the most I think (feel really bad saying that ). When we all get together then the depression sometimes goes away for the few hours that we are together and being giggly teenagers .

If there is no one around whom I can speak too, I sometimes try to dance.

This must sound ridiculous, but I put music on and it's sometimes difficult in the beginning, but very often the music inspires me and I want to move and then start to feel better.

It doesn't sound ridiculous at all! My sister dances to music too .

[Guest vanillablini]

It also helps me when I feel down in general, without a specific reason, just to be in contact with someone. Very good is also if I can meet up with someone whom I feel comfortable with. With some friends I feel so comfortable and their personality almost rubs off on me and I feel better and calmer just being around them.

If I am in contact with someone then that does sometimes help - friends help the most I think (feel really bad saying that ). When we all get together then the depression sometimes goes away for the few hours that we are together and being giggly teenagers .

Sorry for being unclear, I meant friends of course, the 'it' referred to the sentence before, I should have written 'this', my language problem again.

[Guest Dragonfruit]

I am so up and down right now - half an hour ago I was in tears, now I'm a bit better. I'm not sure why I go up and down so much. What I wanted to ask was what does anyone else do when they're down. I'm sure there have to be better ways of coping than self-harm so anyone got any please?

22147[/snapback]

Hey NS - sorry you're going through a rough time right now - me too - it sucks - seems that all I'm thinking about at the mo is SH - and I know it's not what I want.

I'm trying to distract myself as much as possible - dancing/gym/cleaning to music/anything that keeps me busy - but I'm finding it hard going.

My main reason for the SH is that I bottle things up and don't vocalise how I'm feeling enough. If I'm angry or hurt or frustrated with something or someone instead of going to them and talking to them about it I try to avoid confrontation and release the stress with an SH session - which helps for about an hour and then all the guilt and shame comes flooding back.

I am trying to confront people and say to them how I'm feeling if they've hurt me or upest me or whatever - it's difficult and I'm just taking one day at a time - but you can do it.

The other thing (and I was reluctant to tell you this but I reckon if you can switch if you're feeling really bad then it's better than actually cutting) is that I've found digging my nails into my skin - hard but not hard enough to break the skin can help me. Or running a long nail up and down my arms so that it leaves marks but not injuries. The marks will disappear in an hour or so and you won't have actually 'damaged' yourself. This is not a long-term solution but if you're feeling really desperate it's an alternative. (Hope this isn't a terrible thing to have said).

The main thing though is to take care of yourself - talk to people - distract yourself as much as possible and if you do succumb - make sure you get any medical attention you need straight away.

Please take care and hang on in there - it WILL get better - it really will

[Northern Star]

Hiya Dragonfruit,

Sorry you're having a tough time right now

I'm trying to distract myself as much as possible - dancing/gym/cleaning to music/anything that keeps me busy - but I'm finding it hard going.

Keep trying . Cling onto anything non-destructive that you find works to help you.

My main reason for the SH is that I bottle things up and don't vocalise how I'm feeling enough.  If I'm angry or hurt or frustrated with something or someone instead of going to them and talking to them about it I try to avoid confrontation and release the stress with an SH session - which helps for about an hour and then all the guilt and shame comes flooding back.

I am trying to confront people and say to them how I'm feeling if they've hurt me or upest me or whatever - it's difficult and I'm just taking one day at a time - but you can do it.

I used to bottle it up if someone had annoyed me or whatever but I too am trying to not take it out on myself.

Please take care and hang on in there - it WILL get better - it really will

You too Dragonfruit . PM me or post on here if you want to chat. I'm not around for the next few days but after that I will be.

[Northern Star]

Hmmm...cut last night with glass for no apparent reason I don't think other than I wanted to see the effects of it. Must try to stop. I have been told by the school nurse that she wants me to give the glass to her as she says it's dangerous, which is true as it's not just scratches but 'proper'. Anyways, am going to try to stop. Felt unhappy at myself this morning for cutting with glass, thankfully it's not as bad effects as earlier in the week so tomorrow I will hopefully get rid of the glass and take it from there.

[Guest Kitty]

Hi NS

In this months Top Sante magazine, there's quite a lengthy article about SH, about a sufferer who managed to stop and coping strategies etc.

Really wanted to let you know about it.

Take care

Luv K

x

[Northern Star]

Thanks Queens, will have to go and buy a copy

[catherine]

Do try and hand the glass over :huh: . I once did a similar thing when I handed over all my old medicine stock and you know, it really helped. That temptation went away and suprisingly, wasn't replaced by a different one.

You're on the right track

Catherine

[whitebeam]

I have been told by the school nurse that she wants me to give the glass to her

22915[/snapback]

I think Catherine's right when she says to give the nurse the glass; I wonder if that will help you feel as if you can also pass the problem over.....I don't know whether that makes any sense.

Star, I think you need to find anyway you can to not SH - if this will be a way it's worth a try.

Take care

whitebeam

[Northern Star]

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I am feeling a bit distressed. I want to self-harm with glass but I don't have it any more. So I went looking for some downstairs but there are no empty glass jars or bottles that I could break and use so I might have to have a bacardi breezer and use that bottle. I can't find my knife either - maybe one of my parents has taken it and hidden it. I phoned the Samaritans a bit ago but I didn't know what to say. I would phone back but I still don't really know what to say and my dad will be back at some point and I don't want him to overhear. My mum asked earlier if I was sticking to these promises I made (which included not self-harming) and I said yes. I can't tell her I'm not. I want to cut. I have a mock exam tomorrow that I'm going to fail - I've failed most of the tests for this subject this year anyway and I do want to do well and they've predicted me an A in it but I can't be bothered to work. I just want to self-harm. I want to see the blood. I tried to burn myself with a lighted match earlier but I couldn't bring myself to.

[catherine]

You only think you want to self harm, this is the OCD talking.

You've done really well to hang out this far and calling the Samaritans was good. Don't worry about not saying anything to them, the important thing is you took a positive action by phoning. Try and phone them back, it dosn't matter how many times you call them.......they're well used to people being distressed when they phone.

Just forget your exam tomorrow. At this point in time it is not a priority. Get through the night and tomorrow will take care of itself. If you don't feel up to trying the exam, that's OK. Your world will not end and there will be more chances.

Believe me when I say you are doing well. Phoning the Samaritans and telling us is great. We will be thinking about you

Catherine

[blue]

Hi ns :clapping:

just sending you a hug

All i can say shug is that i'm thinking of you and that i hope you're o.kx

As catherine says, try not to worry about the exam, just do your best and take it as it comes, if you don't do well, try to see it as something you can work on next time, please don't give up :clap:

I know i can't say anything to stop you feeling so bad, i just wanted to say please be careful and that i'm thinking of youx

Take care matex

love bluexx

[Northern Star]

Thanks so much Catherine, blue and ittyk

I really wish I had logged on to here before going to bed last night but I was tucked up at 10:40pm. Having cut with a broken glass :clapping: . I know it was stupid of me and I am so sorry. I feel that I have let you all and everyone else who cares about me down.

You've done really well to hang out this far and calling the Samaritans was good. Don't worry about not saying anything to them, the important thing is you took a positive action by phoning. Try and phone them back, it dosn't matter how many times you call them.......they're well used to people being distressed when they phone.

If I'm feeling like I was last night tonight then I will phone them again.

Re the exam, I have it tomorrow now instead of today. That gives me a bit longer to learn for it if I want.

Keep talking and posting on here about whats going on was a good step too as it is getting your emotions out and we can try and support you through this.

thank you

Dont worry about what you told your parents,it is difficult to promise something over not selfharmimg or doing ocd rituals etc the main thing is to if you cant tell them you have started up again is to maybe talk to your pyschologist about it and your friends too.

I will tell my psychologist that I have self-harmed again when I next see him, which is on Thursday.

Thanks for the hugs people :clap:

[catherine]

If I'm feeling like I was last night tonight then I will phone them again.

It is good to have a plan and I know this always helps me. It saves you trying to find a way out and reach a decision at the time when you are most desperate.

Don't worry about last nights cut and you've not let anyone down. None of us here think like that :clapping: .Today is a fresh day and move forward positively. I agree you should tell your therapist as that relationship is important.

Take care

Catherine :newyear: ................off to write a couple more Chrismas cards before Christmas 2005

[Northern Star]

I am on my first tentative, very shaky step to stopping SH . I don't think it will last though (and that's not me being negative, just realistic I think), especially when I'm not around my friends etc at school over Xmas but I am positive-ish right now.

[catherine]

Yeh, I think many of us suffer over 'holiday' periods when our normal support networks and routines break down

Try and have the odd get together with some of your friends if you can. Maybe arrange to go to a friends house or out for a coffee

.....let's not forget the big party we'll all be having on this forum :clap: :clapping:

Seriously though none of us is going to be alone

Catherine :newyear:

[Northern Star]

Yeh, I think many of us suffer over 'holiday' periods when our normal support networks and routines break down

Yea

Try and have the odd get together with some of your friends if you can. Maybe arrange to go to a friends house or out for a coffee

Hehe I am! We're going out on Friday when we finish school, then on Christmas Eve me and a friend are meeting up, then we're also hopefully having a party for New Year's (although my mum wants me to go down and stay with her for New Year...but I'm working on her!)

.....let's not forget the big party we'll all be having on this forum      :clap:

Seriously though none of us is going to be alone

:clapping:

[whitebeam]

I am on my first tentative, very shaky step to stopping SH .

23207[/snapback]

Good for you .

Don't forget we're all here for you - any temptation get on the board or phone family, friends, other board members.

Love

whitebeam

PS You can do it

[Northern Star]

Good for you  :lol: .

Don't forget we're all here for you - any temptation get on the board or phone family, friends, other board members.

Thanks whitebeam . My psychologist came up with this idea too - he has said that maybe I should PM someone on here when I feel like SH. And that is what I am going to do . I am all set up with one of my best friends from here . She has said that she wants to help me too .

You're all so great on here!

PS You can do it

when you B&Q it! Sorry - couldn't resist!

But yeah, I CAN do this! I am determined! It might not be easy and it might not be soon but it has been 4 days now and with this new plan I am feeling fairly positive about it .

[catherine]

Go for it, Star :newyear:

[blue]

Hi ns

You go girl :lol: , you can do this mate and we'll all be right behind you

Good luck

love bluexx

[Northern Star]

Thank you catherine, ittyk and blue!

It didn't take long for the first 'incident' to occur. Went to pick my mum up from the airport (I was driving), snapped at my dad - which was totally my fault - basically we fell out over the heating - he wanted it off, it is like freezing out there and my hands were stone cold so I wanted it on etc etc. He later accused me of driving recklessly, which OK could on occasion be true but not tonight - I was sticking to the speed limits, indicating at roundabouts, giving way to the people I'm supposed to etc etc. Now my OCD has kicked in there was maybe one roundabout where I didn't stick to the curve as much as I should have when there was another car next to me (well, I think it's OCD making me doubt, I dunno - maybe I was in the wrong, but the rest of the time I was driving better than he sometimes does!). When I asked him what he meant by that he didn't even give an example as to what I was supposedly doing wrong. Anyway, after that rant about my dad, I'll continue. My first reaction to this was self-harm. But I haven't. This was about 45 mins / 1 hour ago and the urge has diminished somewhat. But I sure am glad that I have friends on here to talk to this about! I am not gonna let my dad win this one.

[blue]

My first reaction to this was self-harm. But I haven't. This was about 45 mins / 1 hour ago and the urge has diminished somewhat. But I sure am glad that I have friends on here to talk to this about! I am not gonna let my dad win this one.

23672[/snapback]

Hi ns

First of mate a huge well done for not s-harming that is fantastic .

With the driving thing all i can say is try not to let it worry you, i do exactly the same thing and i'll agonise over all the things i could of done, like you say did i get to close to him?, do they think i can't drive etc!!, if you did get a bit close just try to tell yourself not to worry about it because everyone makes mistakes even the most experienced drivers, don't let your ocd tell you any different!.

Perhaps you could try and ask your dad again? ask him to explain a bit more.

keep talking mate, and try not to let this get you downxx

love bluexx

[Guest vanillablini]

My first reaction to this was self-harm. But I haven't. This was about 45 mins / 1 hour ago and the urge has diminished somewhat. But I sure am glad that I have friends on here to talk to this about!

Cool. So great. New style Northern Star..

[catherine]

Are you sure it was just a new hair style you got the other day